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AUGUST 26, 2021 | The Jewish Home OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
Think, Feel, Grow
The Curse of Flattery, The Gift of Rebuke By Rabbi Shmuel Reichman
T
he families sat down together to watch the wedding video, and although there was a note of tension in the air, both families tried to put on brave faces. Reliving the wedding of their children should have been a joyous occasion, but this one was a marred by unpleasant memories. The families both struggled financially, and they had spent months saving for the wedding. Together, they had managed to procure the sum necessary to pay for this joyous occasion, and the kallah’s mother had brought the money to the wedding to pay everyone at the end of the night. However, when the wedding was over, and she went to retrieve the envelope from her purse, the money was gone. At first, fingers were pointed, threats were declared, and emotions ran high. Eventually, though, when the money failed to show up, the families decided to put the matter on hold. They gathered together to watch the wedding video, hoping that this would ease the tensions and allow the families to once again bond over this special occasion. Daniel, the brother of the kallah, had graciously offered to set up all the cameras to film the wedding, and he now played the video for the families. Everyone sighed as they watched the bride and groom prepare for the chuppah. The kallah was radiant, and the chosson looked confident and excited, both of them thrilled to marry the person of their dreams. The family watched the emotional chuppah unfold, then the ecstatic dancing, followed by a dinner full of bonding and joy before the next round of dancing. It was during the second dance
that it happened. The chosson was dancing with his father and fatherin-law, the kallah with her mother and mother-in-law. In the corner of the screen, Daniel walked past his mother’s purse, grasped the envelope, and quickly walked away. The whole family was in shock when they saw the scene, as they slowly turned towards Daniel. Daniel sat there, unable to move, unable to utter a word. The blood rushed from his head, as he experienced the greatest embarrassment imaginable. His actions had been displayed on the screen for all to see, and he had set up the very equipment that recorded it. This was the ultimate rebuke.
Elul and Tochacha Time is infused with infinite spiritual richness, and each point in time is a wave that carries with it
layers of depth. The cycle of holidays is a course of spiritual progression that we can tap into as we advance towards our ultimate personal and collective destination. The cycle of Torah reading provides this same opportunity. Each parsha has unique ideas and concepts that are particularly relevant to the time of year when it is read. As we go through this cycle year after year, we propel our kabbalas ha’Torah forward one level higher every year. Every time we restart the Torah cycle, we begin the same Torah, but on a more elevated level, turning the circular Torah cycle into an elevating spiral in time. Elul is the time of teshuva, of self-awareness and recalibration, of inspiration and will. Ki Savo is the parsha of tochacha (rebuke). The connection between teshuva and rebuke appears self-evident, but exploring these topics in depth
reveals an ever richer and perhaps less obvious connection. To better understand the connection between tochacha and teshuva, we must first understand the concept of flattery. The Gemara (Sotah 41b) declares that anyone who is a flatterer “the fetuses in the womb curse him.” This strange phraseology appears in another place as well. What is the curse of the unborn child, and how does it relate to the problems of flattery? In order to understand the curse of the fetus and its connection to flattery and Torah study, we must revisit a Gemara we have discussed several times before, which describes the initial stage of our formation (Niddah 30b). While we are in the womb, a malach teaches us kol ha’Torah kulah, and just before we are born, this malach strikes us on the mouth, causing us to forget everything we learned. As the Vilna Gaon explains, this refers to the deepest realms of Torah, a transcendent Torah that lies far beyond this world, beyond the confines of space and time. This Torah is the very root of reality, and we were granted complete understanding of its every detail. Not only were we shown this level of Torah, but we also learned our specific share of Torah – we were shown our unique purpose in the world and how our unique role fits into the larger scheme of the human story as a whole. We were given a taste of our own perfection, of what we could, should, and hopefully will become. When the malach struck us in the womb, we didn’t lose this Torah; we only lost access to it. From this transcendent realm, we were birthed into the physical world with
