Starbucks is now banning smoking within 25 feet of its stores. It will get even worse for smokers once they realize every Starbucks is about 25 feet from another Starbucks. - Jimmy Fallon Today is the 60th anniversary of the first two men climbing Mount Everest: Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay.... Historians say Edmund Hillary was the toughest dude ever named Hillary. Unless you count Hillary Clinton. - Craig Ferguson
During congressional hearings, Senator John McCain asked Apple CEO Tim Cook why the apps always need to be updated. McCain also wanted to know how often he should feed Siri. –Conan O’Brien
Please, suspend the rules. - Rep. Lou Barletta, (R-PA) to Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius regarding a regulation that is preventing a 10-year-old girl who needs a lung transplant from getting one because of her age and unlikelihood of survival I would suggest, sir, that, again, this is an incredibly agonizing situation where someone lives and someone dies. - Secretary Kathleen Sebelius refusing to wave the regulation after explaining that the regulation is based on survivability
I wrote recently to inquire about the status of my leave from the university, and the letter I got back began, “Regrettably, Princeton receives many more qualified applicants for faculty positions than we can accommodate.” - Chairman of the Federal Reserve Ben Bernanke in his commencement address at Princeton University Note to journalists: This is a joke. - A footnote attached to the text of Chairman Bernanke’s speech provided to reporters. There is a problem within Islam...and we have to put it on the table and be honest about it. - Former British PM Tony Blair, discussing the recent London murder
Dear obese PhD applicants: if you didn’t have the willpower to stop eating carbs, you won’t have the willpower to do a dissertation. - Tweet by NYU professor, landing him in hot water
If you don’t allow the Women of the Wall to pray in our way as is our custom, we will fight with you with every means and you will return home with the bodies of 100 dead chareidim. Your end is near... We will liberate the Kotel anew. - Letter sent by Woman of the Wall to the Chief Rabbis of Israel You know, I have been thinking, now that I have some more time on my hands, I am going to be pitching… a new show for Bravo... We could call it “Project Pantsuit.” - Hillary Clinton, speaking at a fashion awards show in N.Y.
It isn’t about the administration, and it should not be about the administration of the state nor federal level when it comes to Obamacare. But in fact it is. And why is that? I have talked to so many members in the House and Senate and you know what it comes down to? Are you ready for this? It is not about how many federal dollars we can receive. You ready? You want to know what it’s about? It’s about race. Now nobody wants to talk about that. It’s about the race of this African-American president. ... It comes down to the race of the president of the U.S. which causes people to disconnect and step away from the substance of the bill. - The head of the Louisiana Democratic Party, State Senator Karen Carter Peterson, D-New Orleans, addressing the Louisiana state Senate and announcing the reason people oppose Obamacare
No, we’re not…this administration has put a real value on the rule of law and our values as Americans. - Attorney General Eric Holder, during a recent press conference, when asked whether, in terms of civil liberties, the Obama administration was comparable to that of George W. Bush
CNN is in talks with Newt Gingrich to co-host a revamped version of the TV show “Crossfire.” Gingrich is in demand for a lot of TV shows right now; he is also being considered for “The Biggest Loser.” - Jay Leno
A gun didn’t kill my husband; a man did. - Taya Kyle, widow of slain former Navy SEAL Chris Kyle, who was killed in a gun range by a fellow soldier
This is the greatest day of my life. The Yankees and I were born in the same year. - Bernando LaPallo, age 111, after being allowed on the field during Yankees batting practice Everyone here should be maxed out. - First lady Michelle Obama encouraging donors at a Democrat fundraiser to pay the maximum allowed under campaign finance laws
Well, it’s hard to answer the question because in my mind I still hear people saying we were lowlevel employees, so we were lower than dirt, according to people in D.C. So, take it for what it is. They were basically throwing us underneath the bus. - A Cincinnati IRS employee testifying at a Congressional hearing
Women’s core identity lies in motherhood and her role should be defined within that framework, not in an economic context. - Iranian presidential candidate Saeed Jalili
A number of the Syrians who greeted Senator McCain upon his arrival in Syria asked to take pictures with him, and as always, the Senator complied. - John McCain’s spokesman explaining why he posed in a photo with rebels who kidnapped 11 Lebanese Shi’ite pilgrims
Wish we could see you in the World Series. But I’m not sure that’s going to happen. - Met owner Jeff Wilpon to Mariano Rivera during the Subway series You never know. - Mariano Rivera in response
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This latest California wildfire is getting pretty scary. But Governor Jerry Brown has it under control. He said he is going to tax and regulate the fire until it gets fed up and moves to another state. - Jay Leno
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