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The Jewish Home | MARCH 31, 2022
Parenting Pearls
Derech Eretz on the Derech by Sara rayvych, MSed
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OctOber 29, 2015 | the Jewish Home
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few years ago, I was in a local parking lot trying to make my way out of the area after completing my shopping. I didn’t realize a woman was trying to get out of her spot when I passed by, accidentally blocking her. I had the right of way, but I might have stopped as a courtesy if I had realized she was looking to exit. Perhaps she thought I wasn’t being courteous, I’m not sure, but she must’ve become frustrated and angry. She left her spot soon afterwards and intentionally chased after me in the parking lot so she could lower her window and scream unkind words at me. I shall not repeat her language. I kept my mouth shut and didn’t return her sentiments. I couldn’t help myself, and I took a quick peek to see if she had children in her minivan. My instinct was correct – she had a few kids in her vehicle. I was sad for those children that had to see such an ugly behavioral display by their mother. Whether I was right or wrong (I was right), the situation didn’t necessitate such poor middos on her part. She
could’ve ignored it or found a decent way to express herself. When one adult is obnoxious to another, that is a matter that is between those two adults and Hashem. When that loathsome interaction takes place in front of children, it can become a parenting article. Well, here it is! One thing I’ve noticed is that traveling, both vehicular and pedestrian, can result in poor middos. Sadly, I think it’s only gotten worse. Perhaps it’s because we’re in a rush. Maybe it’s because we feel more uninhibited with a stranger we’re likely to never see again. Whatever it is causes a decline in respect and safety. I’m sure I’m not the only one that’s noticed a few issues that arise when out and about and doing our weekly errands. During this busy yom tov season, it seemed like an appropriate time to address this topic as it relates to our child’s chinuch.
Continuous Role Models We are modeling for our children
what behavior we expect in the many situations they will encounter. They see us at all different times and watch to see our response. If we make a point of accepting the inevitable frustrations of driving, it makes a positive impact on our children. When we openly disparage others because they drive too slow, too fast, or take our spot, then we are teaching our impressionable youth that aggression is acceptable. We can, and should, make a point to educate our children during our many interactions with others. This need not feel formal or stuffy, and you can make it clear that it’s for the sake of their chinuch (ask your own shailos regarding hilchos lashon hara). It’s not too difficult to point out the danger of a speeding driver when they see one, the risk of biking without a helmet, or a child running near the street as cars whiz past. It actually makes your concerns clearer when the example is real. I can tell my kids the dangers of crossing the street for hours, but it won’t make the same impression as when my kids saw
some little ones jump into the street in front of us rather than cross carefully. Baruch Hashem, we saw them first and stopped our van. My children were also able to see the benefits of defensive driving because it was those measures (along with siyata dishmaya) that caused us to recognize the danger early enough to respond. As parents, we need to make sure that all our actions, even when driving and parking, are congruent with our chinuch goals. It may be more convenient to double park, but it creates a dangerous situation for the other motorists. It may be quicker to park without fully or accurately pulling into the intended parking spot, but both create difficulties for other drivers trying to pass or park. Excessive or angry honking, double parking, and illegal turns all give our future drivers the wrong message. Besides the obviously terrible driving lesson, all while causing risk to ourselves and others on the road, we’re creating an unhealthy outlook of entitlement where rules apply to others and not to ourselves. If we
