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The Jewish Home | JUNE 2, 2022
Parenting Pearls
Torah Fundamentals by Sara rayvych, MSed
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OctOber 29, 2015 | the Jewish Home
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havuos is the culmination of seven weeks of counting until the day we once again receive the Torah anew. After gaining our freedom and becoming a nation on Pesach, we now receive our life mission during Shavuos with the privilege of receiving the Torah. We’ve reached Shavuos as the culmination of the counting of seven weeks of the omer. Sefira is an interesting mitzvah. It’s the transition between Pesach and Shavuos, linking the two events. Each year the famous question comes up of what to do if a night is missed. Can you still say the bracha? Counting the omer is either made up of 49 smaller parts or each day is its own mitzvah to count. It’s unusual to find a mitzvah that is potentially made up of many smaller acts that combine to create one larger whole. We know there are 613 mitzvos in the Torah. We’ve heard many beautiful divrei Torah discussing the various ideas behind each of the commandments. Each mitzvah is a world all its own, yet the Torah is a package that we accepted with “naaseh v’nishmah.” The importance of fulfilling each mitzvah is also discussed. Each one is crucial, and we don’t pick and choose between the many gifts Hashem has given us. What is less frequently discussed is that it’s impossible for any person to complete all 613
mitzvos during their lifetime. You read correctly – none of us can do it all ourselves. For example, my husband and I had the z’chus of redeeming our firstborn son. We had a meaningful pidyon haben for him when he reached the mature age of 31 days old. Yes, people really do joke and ask if you are sure you want to buy him back; we made the purchase and he’s ours. It’s actually quite rare to make a pidyon haben, but my husband is himself a peter rechem and had one, too. As we know, kohanim, while ineligible for being redeemed, shouldn’t feel left out. Kohanim, too, have their own set of special mitzvos that a regular Yisroel, as chashuv as he may be, is unable to perform. They have unique obligations that come with the privileges of being the direct descendants of Aharon Hakohen. If either my husband or I came from families of Kohanim or Leviim, we’d be exempt from the mitzvah of pidyon haben. Alternatively, any man that can perform the kohanic mitzvos is exempt from the mitzvah of redeeming his son. We see an interesting paradox: no individual Jew can complete all 613 mitzvos. No single person can do everything, but together as a nation we are complete. These concepts struck me as being powerful lessons, both for our children and for us as parents. As we come together now, Klal Yisroel
united to accept the Torah, we are also reaffirming our goal as parents to pass on this legacy to the next generation. One of the promises Hashem gave us is the continuity of the Torah: it shall never leave us as a nation. This is both a privilege and responsibility that we, the parents of Am Yisroel, have.
It’s Not All or None Over the years I’ve learned with different women at various stages of religious observance through the Oorah Torahmates chavrusa program. There are certain points that are so important that I try to work them into the lessons. One of those is the beautiful teaching that all of Klal Yisroel, including those not yet born, were present at Har Sinai for this magnificent event. I want these women to appreciate that they, too, received the Torah, just like I did. A second yesod that I attempt to work into the lessons is that Torah is never “all or none.” Often, it can be overwhelming for someone on the path to mitzvah observance to realize just how much there is ahead of them. It can become disheartening, and it can result in frustration. Perhaps she’s ready to keep kosher but not yet prepared to give up Saturday little league. Sadly, this attitude can stunt the development of someone dedicated to growth. Please don’t confuse this as saying we
can pick and choose mitzvos – chas v’shalom! I am not at all indicating that any part of the Torah is more important or relevant than any other. We said, “Naaseh v’nishma,” not “eh, I’ll decide later what I like.” It’s a subtle yet crucial distinction. Our children, too, are taking on mitzvos as they grow and mature. Even though they’re being raised as shomrei Torah u’mitzvos, they still are learning and accepting halacha as they develop. My preschooler may now begin to (sometimes) understand that he can’t color on Shabbos yet be unable to count six full hours after his chicken before indulging in his ice cream. It’s important that they expand, one halacha at a time, as they begin their journey towards full observance. We need to go at their individual pace with respect, promoting growth rather than stifling it. Each child has their own challenges, and we need to build each of our youth at the pace they need. Let’s use a common example where the attitude of all or none can too often result in “none” getting done. It’s important to daven with a minyan and be punctual. We have definitely worked to inculcate our boys with an appreciation for tefilla b’tzibbur; it’s a major privilege to speak to the Ribbono Shel Olam. Yet, this is a difficult issue for young (and not so young) men. Rather than tell a well-meaning sleepyhead that
