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safely out of the garage. This should be easier, now that you have already traveled through the garage for the vacuum cleaner. Once you have unwounded it and plugged it in, you could look for the attachments. The attachments are these little thingy’s that come in all different
shapes and sizes…never mind. The fourth step is to get your younger siblings to vacuum for you. The fifth step is – if the fourth step wasn’t successful (if it was successful, you wouldn’t need the fifth step!)… If you’re still reading this that means you were not successful. So, here is the fifth step: vacuum the car, while being careful not to bend the hose so that it actually sucks up the dirt instead of making a loud noise as if to say, “Hello, are you there? I’m bent, so nothing is coming through me. If you don’t fix me, I’ll stop working, and you’ll have to do this by hand without me.” At this point in cleaning for Pesach, we understand our vacuum cleaner when it talks to us – or for that matter anything that talks to us – and we listen immediately. By now, it’s about two hours later, and your car is clean. But you’re not done because now you have to put the vacuum cleaner away and wind up the extension cord, while being careful not to get your shirt dirty. If you got your shirt dirty, you will need to clean it by either doing a wash in your house or at the Laundromat, but
that’s in my other article. Once you’ve put everything away, you’re ready to clean the next thing on your list. If you’ve read this and are not sure if you want to bring your car to a car wash or clean it with a vacuum cleaner, then all you need to do is decide is on what do you want to spend your money: overpriced car accessories or vacuum cleaner attachments? Of course, your time and energy doesn’t factor into the decision at all. More Things There are a lot of other things that need to be cleaned for Pesach. I would like to write about them but Peach is around the corner and I really need to be cleaning instead of writing a humor article about cleaning. I tried to get my younger brothers to do the cleaning for me, but they’re too old for a lollipop or a dollar. If I gave them an iPad, they would happily clean my car for Pesach, but for that price I could have someone drive it to the car wash for me, buy all the car accessories, and still have money left over to buy matzah.
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“Yes.” “Where do you have the tools?” “Go down this aisle. It’ll be on your left.” “Thank you.” “Excuse me. Where do you have the bicycles?” “I’m sorry. Sold out.” The third step is to spend time looking for the extension cord and making it
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adjacent to the car wash, and look at the car accessories that they hope you will buy as you are waiting for your car to be cleaned. Hopefully, you will not buy anything because you don’t need any of it, and the only reason you are in the store in the first place is because there is no other way to the car wash exit. Besides, the accessories are overpriced and if you save your money you could spend it on important things, like… say…matzah! The second way people clean their cars for Pesach is the more “traditional” way, which is vacuuming your car. This way takes a lot longer but the good thing is you don’t have to worry about wasting your money on overlypriced car accessories. Instead, you get to spend it on vacuum cleaner attachments. The attachments come in every different shape and size that you could imagine so that you could vacuum every inch of your car and house, such as the space in between the tiles. The first step to cleaning your car is to throw out all the garbage that can’t be vacuumed. Included in this list are pens, paper, broken windshield wipers, empty oil and anti-freeze containers, junk mail, expired coupons, receipts, water bottles, batteries, and all the other things that should have been thrown out months ago, but wasn’t because you figured, “Hey, we’ll just throw it out when we have to vacuum the car for Pesach!” Why can’t we just throw things out right away and not have to wait for Pesach? Why did Pesach become a time where we get rid of all of our garbage instead of focusing on ridding our house of chometz? It must be because it’s the same gematria. (I know that gematrias have to come in somewhere when we’re talking about Pesach.) The second step is to spend twenty minutes taking out our giant wet/dry vacuum from the back of the garage. The reason it takes so long is that we have to carry the vacuum over the bicycles, the sukkah, the grape juice, tools, and everything else that makes our garage look like Wal-Mart. “Um, excuse me.” “Yes.” “Where can I find the grape juice?” “Go down this aisle. It’ll be on your right.” “Thank you.” ”Excuse me.”