This week marks the 10th anniversary of the professional networking site LinkedIn. Which is weird, because on LinkedIn it says it has 15 years of experience. - Jimmy Fallon
Bill Clinton was being interviewed recently, and he said that despite all the speculation, Hillary hasn’t said anything to him about running for president in 2016. Though in fairness, she hasn’t said anything to him since 1998. - Jimmy Fallon
New predictions claim that 42 percent of Americans will be obese by the year 2030. They say the only way to stop it is for government to step in. Oh, yeah, that will work. When it comes to trimming the fat and tightening your belt, who knows better than the U.S. government? - Jay Leno A Texas man has fired the first-ever gun created by a 3-D printer. Which raises the question: Don’t you think a gun created by a printer would jam? - Conan O’Brien
You will address me as Dr. Gosnell. - Abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell, who is on trial for running an abortion house of horrors, to the sheriff You’re just an inmate now, Kermit. - Sheriff in response The fastest way to reduce climate change shouldn’t seem impossible, because it requires no massive new investments, technological breakthroughs or long-term infrastructure projects.... it just requires us all to eat fewer animal products. - David Sirota in Salon magazine
Our house is on fire. We’re getting the big stories wrong, over and over again. - CBS anchor Scott Pelley in a speech at Quinnipiac University As I listen to your testimony I could not help but think of something that I said very recently -- two years ago now – in a eulogy for a relative. I said that death is a part of life. - Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-MD) to Benghazi witnesses who were testifying about how the tragedy could have been prevented
CNN anchor Carol Costello was robbed of her iPhone in broad daylight while walking down the street in Atlanta. Unfortunately, it was on CNN, so there weren’t any witnesses. - Jay Leno Send Nikki Haley back to wherever ... she came from. - South Carolina Democratic Party Chairman, Dick Harpootlian, talking about the GOP governor whose parents are from India I mean, I apologized yesterday...She is not from India, she is from Bamburg, South Carolina, where she was an accountant in her parents’ clothing store called Exotica, and all I’m suggesting is she needs to go back to being an accountant in a dress store rather than being this fraud of a governor that we have. - Ibid., the following day
People are watching – and they are watching you. All of us appearing on-air should take care to present ourselves in the best light possible, and that includes physical appearance. As many of our regular guests already know, neat and professional dress, combed hair and a quick visit to our resident makeup artist on the 6th floor is encouraged before each appearance for both men and women – even for just a quick dash of powder. You want the spotlight focused on your stellar journalism – not shining off your forehead. - Wall Street Journal memos to employees
Give me my gun back and I’ll give you your phone that you dropped. - What a crook in New Orleans said to an armed-robbery victim after the victim snatched the crook’s gun, but dropped his phone in the process
I felt horrible. I’ve played basketball a million times in my life and I’ve never elbowed anybody. So the first time I do this, it’s to the President of the United States? What is the probability of that? Nil, right? - Reynaldo Decerega talking to the Boston Globe on 5/6/13 about the incident two years ago when he elbowed President Obama in the lip during a basketball game, causing him to get 12 stitches For Rey, the only guy that ever hit the president and never got arrested. Barack. - Note attached to a threepicture sequence of the incident sent by the president to Reynaldo Decerega
Beginning Memorial Day 2013, Walmart will offer a job to any honorably discharged veteran within his or her first 12 months off active duty. We believe Walmart is already the largest private employer of veterans. And we want to hire more. We project that we’ll hire more than 100,000 veterans over the next five years. - Statement by Walmart about their new policy Walmart’s recent announcement of a plan to hire returning honorably discharged veterans is more about public relations than honoring our heroes... We owe it to our returning veterans to make sure they are treated as the heroes they are, rather than as symbols used to “greenwash” Walmart’s eroding brand. After facing enemies abroad, is an $8.81 an hour part-time job the best we can offer returning veterans? - AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka The cicadas are back after 17 years, but they don’t have their original drummer. - David Letterman
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In all his recent interviews Mr. Bush has been modest, humorous, proud but unassuming, and essentially philosophical: History will decide. No finger-pointing or scoring points. If he feels rancor or resentment he didn’t show it. He didn’t attempt to manipulate. His sheer normality seemed like a relief, an echo of an older age. And all this felt like an antidote to Obama—to the imperious I, to the inability to execute, to the endless interviews and the imperturbable drone, to the sense that he is trying to teach us, like an Ivy League instructor taken aback by the backwardness of his students. And there’s the unconscious superiority. One thing Mr. Bush didn’t think he was was superior. He thought he was luckily born, quick but not deep, and he famously trusted his gut but also his heart. He always seemed moved and grateful to be in the White House. Someone who met with Mr. Obama during his first year in office, an old hand who’d worked with many presidents, came away worried and confounded. Mr. Obama, he said, was the only one who didn’t seem awed by his surroundings, or by the presidency itself. - Peggy Noonan, Wall Street Journal