2014 T H E J E W I S H H O M E nn MMAYAY2249, ,2012
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Riddle! Some people’s names (such as “Will Power”) suggest a certain personality or career choice. Given below are some last names and professions. Can you think of a first name for each of the listed last names which would be suggestive of their professions? For example: Sonny Day would suggest a meteorologist. Each last name and profession may be used just once. Last Names: Ball, King, Major, Mee, Soares, Turner Professions: Paleontologist, Author, Musician, Plumber, Astrologer, Lawyer Answer on next page
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Kidding!
Bill Gates decides to organize a convention to find the next chairman for Microsoft. 5,000 candidates are assembled in a large room. One of the candidates is Yankel Cohen. Mr. Gates thanks all the candidates for coming and asks all those who do not know the programming language Java Plus to rise and leave. 2,000 people leave the room. But Yankel says to himself, “I don’t know this language, but what do I have to lose if I stay? I’ll give it a try.” Bill Gates then asks the remaining candidates who have never been team managers to leave. 2,000 people rise and leave the room. But Yankel says to himself, “Oy, I never managed anyone but myself, but what have I got to lose if I stay? What can happen to me?” So he stays. Bill Gates then asks all remaining candidates who don’t have a degree from an Ivy League university to rise and leave. 500 people leave the room. But Yankel says to himself, “Oy vay, I left school at 15 so I never went to university, but what do I have to lose if I stay?” So he stays in the room. Bill Gates finally asks all the remaining candidates who don’t speak Serbo-Croat to rise and leave. 498 people rise and leave the room. But Yankel says to himself, “Oy vay zmir, I don’t speak Serbo-Croat, but whatever, I have nothing to lose.” So he stays in the room and finds himself alone with one other candidate – everyone else has left. Bill Gates turns to them and says, “Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I’d now like to hear you both have a little conversation in that language.” Calmly, Yankel turns to the other candidate and says to him, “Ma nishtana halaila hazeh mikol halelot?” The other candidate answers, “Shebechol halelot anu ochlin chametz u’matzah.”
t s a L s u o Fam Words “There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” – Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 “This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.”– Western Union internal memo, 1876. “The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?” – David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s “The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible.”– A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.) “Who wants to hear actors talk?”– H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927, rejecting the idea of sound in film “A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.” – Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies. “We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” – Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles in 1962 “Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.” – Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895 “Everything that can be invented has been invented.” – Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
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