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OBITCHUARY:
TWEE FASHION IS SICK AND TWISTED (WITH POLKA DOTS) Cause of death: Too goddamn quirky. Words by Megan Adams | Art by Jenny Katz You know when your mom used to dress you for third grade and it would consistently be that one blue and white polka-dot skirt and the shirt with the puffy sleeves and she would tell you how cute you looked? She lied. Sorry to mothers everywhere, and maybe it was cute in 2010 or on your small child — but to the fully-grown adults trying to resurrect this atrocity: respectfully, let it die. Twee fashion, if you’re blissfully unfamiliar, is the style you’ve seen on Zooey Deschanel, the girl in your middle school that was “not like other girls,” and too many suburban moms back in 2015. It is big patterns, opaque tights, fat collars, Mary Jane flats, those A-line dresses with polka dots, obnoxious bows, and disgustingly bright colors. Think camp but in an embarrassing way. Why embarrassing? Two words: Rachel Berry; Jessica Day’s toughest competition for the atrocious fashion award. Imagine if Rachel Berry’s personality was an outfit – that’s twee. Rachel Berry (and the entire Glee cast) is sadly not the only problem with twee, though most things associated with the aesthetic make us wanna vom. The style has roots in British fashion, which explains a lot, tbh. Come on, they’re still wearing dark wash skinny jeans over there. Instead of chav, though, what twee gives is the
girl at your high school slumber party who made you pour your entire water bottle of vodka down the drain in front of her. Absolutely no fun. Twee tries to be a lot of things. Approachable, for one, which we can admit it accomplishes (rather clumsily). But the main word that comes to mind is “quirky.” Don’t get us wrong, quirky when used in the right context can (emphasis on the can) be okay, but twee fashion aims to be the “girlnext-door” who attracts every boy in the world yet chooses the quiet, shy, Peter Parker type. In reality? MJ would never, and neither would Gwen for that matter. I think we’d all appreciate it if tweelovers would at the very least wear an overcoat. No one needs to witness your poor fashion choices but you; seriously, we’re getting sensory overload. Bottom line? Twee fashion needs to die as fast as it was resurrected. We love a campy moment, but it has been taken much too far this time. Polka dots are exclusively for pajamas and cheetahs. Comically large collars are exclusively for clowns. Opaque tights are exclusively for absolutely no one. Rest in disgrace, twee fashion.
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Twee fashion needs to die as fast as it was resurrected.”