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QUEER DATING IN COLLEGE IS WORSE THAN HELL Dating in college is one of the most difficult challenges for everyone, but within the queer community, it’s a whole other level of complicated. Words by Russell Tom Sun Art by Anika Dua
Dating in college as a queer person is so goddamn confusing. I recognize that hookup culture is everywhere, even in the LGBTQ+ community, and that is totally okay and valid. But the weather is cooling down, the holiday lights are coming up, and, I won’t lie, it would be nice to cuddle up with someone and watch some films or go for a walk together, get some coffee, and talk about our dreams and goals. What I am trying to say is that, like many other people my age, I am so exhausted with being single, and I want to fall in love. I know how desperate I sound, trust me; I can hear myself when I speak. Call me a simp all you want, I want to do cute couple shit and make everyone around me puke and cry out of jealousy, SUE ME. In my experience, the biggest issue that I’ve recently been dealing with is figuring out the sexuality of a person I’m interested in without directly asking them. I know for heterosexual people, it may seem very easy to just ask someone their sexuality or even to assume they’re straight, but for me and a lot of other queer people, we don’t feel as comfortable doing so. For one thing, it leaves me very vulnerable to the chance that the person I ask can react very negatively, and even resort to threatening and violence, which has unfortunately happened to me before. Secondly, it’s so embarrassing to leave myself that emotionally vulnerable. And lastly, it feels rude on my end to
just blatantly ask. It’s 2021, and people are starting to embrace and explore their sexualities on their own time and terms, and maybe they haven’t figured it out yet or maybe they don’t want to put a label on it. I don’t even know what to identify as anymore. I don’t care for labels and I don’t want anyone else to feel pressured to do so either, all I care about is being in love with someone and them being in love with me, that’s all that matters. However, being queer adds multiple complicated layers than just figuring out if someone is into you. The queer dating pool in college isn’t really a pool — it’s more like a shallow pond in a dry desert, and, somehow, everyone already has already dated each other. You want to know how BAD the college dating scene is in the queer community? I asked dozens of different queer people, all of various backgrounds, and they all looked at me and collectively said, “It’s disappointing, exhausting and practically non-existent. I have pretty much given up and stopped putting myself out there.” And each of them had very valid reasons for their concerns. Firstly is beauty standards. Although beauty standards have long been an issue in every corner of the world, they are way more heightened in the queer community. Essentially, if you are not skinny, athletic, white or of a lighter skin tone, tall, hairless and cisgendered, you are not deemed attractive