WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS? Maybe the Golden Girls were onto something... Words by Sophie Davis Art by Mara DuBay
“Deep, abiding friendships are the place where many women know lasting love,” says Bell Hooks in Communion, her exploration of female love. The seeds of this practice are sown early; from earpiercing renditions of Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8er Boi” in the backseat of your mom’s minivan to hastily choreographed dance routines to convince your parents to let you have a sleepover. Unrelenting giggles muffled by sleeping bags during a slumber party amplified the thrill of never having stayed up that late before. Mashing up leaves and twigs in your backyard to make witches brew and spending hours twiddling away on the rainbow loom. Unruly, unapologetic female friendship is synonymous with girlhood itself. Eventually, though, these shimmering, chaotic, all-consuming relationships become harder to sustain. Pinky promises and whispers of “best friends forever” can only extend so far, and for many, the dissolutions of these friendships—whether they’re gradual fizzles or furious crescendos— bring on a pain deeper and stronger than romantic heartbreak. “It’s sometimes a love so intense that it feels like you might die if you’re not friends anymore,” said Women’s and Gender Studies professor Gwendolyn Pough about this rarely spoken about, but overwhelmingly universal rite of passage. There’s a reason “we were girls together” (an alteration of a quote from Sula, Toni Morrison’s seminal novel on female friendship) is featured in nearly every tear-jerking TikTok slideshow. When we sang “the circle is round, it has no end. That’s how long, I will be your friend,” in Girl Scouts
we weren’t thinking about how “life” gets in the way of the seemingly endless stretch of girlhood sprawled out before us. “Life” being romantic relationships, career aspirations, and the simple truth that the patriarchy thrives when women are pitted against each other and view one another as competition. At the end of the day, women simply aren’t socialized to put female friendship at the center of their lives! Think about the books you’ve read, the movies and TV shows you watch, and the songs you listen to. How many of them are focused on romantic love and situate female friends as stock side characters good for little more than a quippy remark? Or do away with female friendships altogether for the sake of framing their protagonist as an “edgy loner?” In a society where men are rarely forced to forfeit their masculinity or power, finding solace and community with other women is an act of rebellion in and of itself. “It’s something that you have to be intentional about politicizing. Even if you’re just getting manipedis together, it’s being intentional about the need for camaraderie with other women,” Pough said. She concludes that whether you realize it or not, “hanging with your girls is political.” College specifically proves a crucial time for the radical love embodied by female friendship; not only are students adjusting to the reality of no longer seeing their home friends regularly, but they’re forging new friendships in an entirely new environment. As sophomore Zoe Colman described it, “You’re in a place fully alone. I’ve