June 16, 2008 Nonprofit Helps Men Become Better Parents www.spokesman.com By Virginia De Leon When his daughter was born two years ago, Terrence Craven knew he had only two options: change his life and become a dad, or run the risk of losing his child. After holding Bionkah for the first time in the hospital, the choice was clear to Craven, a man whose many problems at the time included depression, anger management and a habit for indulging in alcohol and drugs. He knew instantly he wanted to be with his daughter. But he also realized he couldn’t do it alone. So Craven, now 42, sought help from the Collaborative Fatherhood Project. A program offered by the Spokane Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention Center, the Fatherhood Project has helped hundreds of men learn how to bond and care for their children while clarifying their roles as dads. Like other offerings at the nonprofit SCAN, the project works with the specific needs of individual dads and gives them access to numerous services including counseling, paralegal assistance, employment referrals and classes such as Nurturing Fatherhood, an 11-week series that shows men what it takes to be a dad. While many who come to the Fatherhood Project are low-income, the program has assisted married and single men of all ages and from all walks of life – from dads as young as 15 or 16 to older fathers who struggle with their teenage kids, as well as grandfathers who have custody of their grandkids. “When guys get involved in their children’s lives, it really makes a difference – especially during the first three years of a child’s life,” said Justin Aubertin, a parent educator at SCAN who helps facilitate the Fatherhood Project. Children who have a father or male role model in their lives tend to do better in school than those who don’t, said Auberton, who focused his research on the role of fathers while earning a master’s degree in social work at Eastern Washington University. These kids also perform better on tests, are less susceptible to peer pressure and are less likely to live in poverty, he said. Sometimes, people are stuck in the 1950s mentality that mothers nurture while men are simply the disciplinarians and the breadwinners, Aubertin said. But fathers do indeed bond with their children, he assured. And they can care and nurture them just as well as mothers. Some men, however, never experienced or learned this during their own childhood, Aubertin said. They had no role models, and as a result, often don’t understand what it takes to be a good parent. There also aren’t as many support services for fathers, especially single dads, as there are
for mothers, Aubertin said. Yet single fathers are the largest growing family structure. According to 2004 figures from the U.S. Census Bureau on “America’s Families and Living Arrangements,” there are 2.3 million single fathers in the United States. In 1970, there were only about 400,000. Men account for about 18 percent of the country’s single parents living with their children, according to the census. Among those fathers, 42 percent are divorced, 39 percent have never married and 11 percent are raising three or more of their own children under 18 years old. “Fathers are just as valuable to children as their mothers,” said Aubertin, a single dad. “But sometimes, guys just don’t realize how they important they are. Most dads want to be a bigger part of their kids’ life and they don’t know that it’s an option.” Instead of an equal, dads are sometimes viewed as “the second parent,” said Craven. “In my heart, I’m just as important to my daughter,” he said. “As dads, we raise our children differently in a lot of ways, but we’re also the same. “There’s nothing I won’t do for my daughter. My love is just as strong.” Since SCAN started offering classes specifically for dads six years ago, hundreds of men have taken advantage of the services at Fatherhood Project. Among the most popular courses is a class for new or expectant dads that teaches them how to hold a baby, how to feed a child, how to swaddle an infant and other basics that can sometimes cause anxiety for new parents. While most men take classes, others seek help with paperwork involving custody issues, said Aubertin. “These guys want to visit their kids and be more involved, but they don’t know how to do it,” he said. Craven, a Spokane resident for the last 10 years, was referred to the Fatherhood Project shortly after Bionkah was born. While his daughter was in foster care during the first year of her life, Craven took classes that dealt with his own issues of addiction and anger management. He also spent hours with parent educators and other experts learning how to improve his skills as a dad. “I learned how to see things through the eyes of my daughter and to put her needs first,” said Craven. “I started realizing how much a child needed their parents. I even started realizing how important my own parents were in my life.” Shortly after Bionkah’s first birthday, Craven regained custody of his daughter.
Terrence Craven and his daughter, Bionkah, play the piano at Fowler Methodist Church in Spokane on June 6. Craven lost custody of Bionkah after bouts with alcohol and drugs but worked to get her back and now runs a support group called Dads Helping Dads. (Rajah Bose / The Spokesman-Review) Since then, he has started a support group for dads. He’s also in the process of editing and publishing a newsletter called “The Nurturing Times” to let others know about all the services and activities available to families in Spokane. Craven said he wants to show other fathers that they’re not alone in their struggles, and that it takes the support of other men in order to get through. Every week, he and a few fathers in the Dads Helping Dads support group meet with their children in a North Side church where they discuss safety, emotional issues, education, discipline and other parenting topics. “I meet a lot of parents who want to give up,” said Craven. “But it helps when guys look out for each other and try to help each other become better dads. “I tell them to never give up and to do whatever it takes to take care of their kids.” Craven also continues to take parenting classes through the Fatherhood Project and other agencies including Partners with Families and Children. Having his daughter in his life also has helped him set goals for the future. In the last few months, he and Bionkah have been spending many hours at the Institute for Extended Learning, where she’s in daycare while he takes classes to help him earn a GED. Craven’s dream is to graduate from college and become a social worker and chemical dependency counselor. He also wants to continue his work with other fathers. “Before she was born, I lived life pretty recklessly,” Craven said. “But I started fixing my life because I didn’t want to lose her. … “My daughter means everything to me. She changed my life.” ■
Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be dad A NEW GROUP IS STARTING FOR MEN WHO WANT TO BE THE BEST INFLUENCE IN THEIR CHILDREN’S LIVES • We are a self-supporting group of fathers with the primary goal of making a positive impact in our children’s lives. • We meet to share and discuss the importance of our roles as fathers, and to talk about the hurdles that may come in our paths in. • We use each other for support, motivation, education and guidance. • We are not affiliated with any professional organization, but may enlist their assistance if the need arises. • We look for ways to raise our children in a loving, nurturing way. WHEN: Friday evenings at 7:00 pm WHERE: Fowler Church 3928 N Howard Spokane, WA For more information please call Terrence at 290-6494
Any guy can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad!
Do you struggle to be a nurturing parent? Are you separated from your partner and/or kids? Need a safe place to talk about your troubles? Perhaps you just want some time for yourself?
JOIN A FREE GROUP OF DADS WHO WANT TO BE THE BEST INFLUENCE IN THEIR CHILDREN’S LIVES! • We are a self-supporting group of fathers with the primary goal of making a positive impact in our children’s lives. • We meet to share and discuss the importance of our roles as fathers, and to talk about the challenges that may come in our paths. • We use each other for support, motivation, education and guidance. • We are not affiliated with any religious, professional or government organization, but may enlist assistance if the need arises. • We look for ways to raise our children in a loving, nurturing manner.
WHEN: EVERY Friday evening at 7:00 p.m. WHERE: Fowler Church*, 3928 N Howard, Spokane *(This support group is not associated with the Fowler Methodist Church)
Children, partners, and other caregivers are welcome! For more info please call Terrence 290-6494
Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be dad.
Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be dad.
COME JOIN A GROUP OF DADS WHO WANT TO BE THE BEST INFLUENCE IN THEIR CHILDREN’S LIVES!
COME JOIN A GROUP OF DADS WHO WANT TO BE THE BEST INFLUENCE IN THEIR CHILDREN’S LIVES!
•
We are a self-supporting group of fathers with the primary goal of making a positive impact in our children’s lives.
•
We are a self-supporting group of fathers with the primary goal of making a positive impact in our children’s lives.
•
We meet to share and discuss the importance of our roles as fathers, and to talk about the hurdles that may come in our paths.
•
We meet to share and discuss the importance of our roles as fathers, and to talk about the hurdles that may come in our paths.
•
We use each other for support, motivation, education and guidance.
•
We use each other for support, motivation, education and guidance.
•
We are not affiliated with any professional organization, but may enlist their assistance if the need arises.
•
We are not affiliated with any professional organization, but may enlist their assistance if the need arises.
•
We look for ways to raise our children in a loving, nurturing manner.
•
We look for ways to raise our children in a loving, nurturing manner.
WHEN: Friday evenings
at 7:00 p.m.
WHERE: Fowler Church
at 7:00 p.m.
WHERE: Fowler Church
3928 N Howard Spokane, WA
WHEN: Friday evenings
3928 N Howard Spokane, WA
For more information please call Terrence 290-6494
For more information please call Terrence 290-6494
Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be dad.
Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be dad.
COME JOIN A GROUP OF DADS WHO WANT TO BE THE BEST INFLUENCE IN THEIR CHILDREN’S LIVES!
COME JOIN A GROUP OF DADS WHO WANT TO BE THE BEST INFLUENCE IN THEIR CHILDREN’S LIVES!
•
We are a self-supporting group of fathers with the primary goal of making a positive impact in our children’s lives.
•
We are a self-supporting group of fathers with the primary goal of making a positive impact in our children’s lives.
•
We meet to share and discuss the importance of our roles as fathers, and to talk about the hurdles that may come in our paths.
•
We meet to share and discuss the importance of our roles as fathers, and to talk about the hurdles that may come in our paths.
•
We use each other for support, motivation, education and guidance.
•
We use each other for support, motivation, education and guidance.
•
We are not affiliated with any professional organization, but may enlist their assistance if the need arises.
•
We are not affiliated with any professional organization, but may enlist their assistance if the need arises.
•
We look for ways to raise our children in a loving, nurturing manner.
•
We look for ways to raise our children in a loving, nurturing manner.
WHEN: Friday evenings
at 7:00 p.m.
WHERE: Fowler Church
3928 N Howard Spokane, WA For more information please call Terrence 290-6494
WHEN: Friday evenings
at 7:00 p.m.
WHERE: Fowler Church
3928 N Howard Spokane, WA For more information please call Terrence 290-6494
Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be dad.
COME JOIN A GROUP OF DADS WHO WANT TO BE THE BEST INFLUENCE IN THEIR CHILDREN’S LIVES! •
We are a self-supporting group of fathers with the primary goal of making a positive impact in our children’s lives.
•
We meet to share and discuss the importance of our roles as fathers, and to talk about the hurdles that may come in our paths.
•
We use each other for support, motivation, education and guidance.
•
We are not affiliated with any professional organization, but may enlist their assistance if the need arises.
•
We look for ways to raise our children in a loving, nurturing manner.
WHEN: Friday evenings
WHERE: Fowler Church
at 7:00 p.m.
3928 N Howard Spokane, WA
For more information please call Terrence at 290-6494
Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be dad. We are a self-supporting group of fathers whose primary goal is to make a positive impact in our children’s lives. We meet to share and discuss the importance of our roles as fathers, and to talk about the hurdles that may come in our paths. We use each other for support, motivation, education and guidance. We are not affiliated with any professional organization, but may enlist their assistance if the need arises. We look for ways to raise our children in a loving, nurturing way. Here are some basic principles we use in our lives to help all of us prevent child abuse and neglect: 1. We learn to father our children without physical or emotional abuse. 2. We will meet all of our children’s needs in a healthy, consistent manner. 3. We will not use drugs or alcohol – these are main components in abuse and neglect of our children. If you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, please know there is assistance available. Many of us are in recovery and can help – PLEASE ask if you need help. 4. We will respect our children and realize that we are teachers who need to listen to our children. We strive to see the world through our children’s eyes so that we may better understand their needs. 5. We will always be respectful when it comes to the views, opinions and beliefs of others. 6. We agree that what is said in our groups will remain in our groups, unless keeping information private will put a child t risk. 7. We respect everyone’s need to share and process their thoughts. We will not interrupt whoever is speaking and we will provide feedback in an appropriate and respectful manner. We encourage everyone to share to their comfort level, and will respect time limits when talking. 8. Violence or threats of violence will not be tolerated. Remember, we are here as mature, respectful men who need to be behavior role models for our children. 9. If we feel angry or upset, and cannot share calmly, we will excuse ourselves from the situation until we can do so.
It is important that we keep these principles in mind, not only at our meetings, but also in our dealings with others outside of the meetings. Remember – anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be dad! WHEN: Friday evenings at 7 p.m. WHERE: Fowler Church • 3928 N Howard • Spokane, WA For more information call Terrence 290-6494
Fowler Church • 3928 N Howard Costume Contest! Fun Games, Activities, & Prizes Treats for Children
a non-profit parenting support group for more information call Terry at 290-6494
FOOD DRIVE Helping feed the hungry by teaming up with Caritas Center These types of foods are most helpful:
canned meats (i.e., tuna, chicken, salmon) canned and boxed meals (i.e., soup, chili, stew, macaroni and cheese) peanut butter canned or dried beans and peas (i.e., black, pinto, lentils) pasta, rice, cereal canned fruits 100 percent fruit juice (canned, plastic or boxed).
Monday, Wednesday & Thursday 10:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. 5109 N Adams St 509-326-2249
Please avoid donating:
rusty or unlabeled cans perishable items homemade items noncommercial canned or packaged items alcoholic beverages, mixes or soda open or used items
ARTICLE I NAME/REGISTERED OFFICE The name of this corporation shall be Dads Helping Ads, also doing business as Nurturing Times. The corporation's registered office is located at: 3908 N Howard St, Spokane, WA 99205. ARTICLE II PURPOSE This corporation is organized exclusively for charitable, educational, and literary purposes within the meaning of Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code of 1986, as now enacted or hereafter amended, including, for such purposes, the making of distributions to organizations that also qualify as Section 501(c)(3) exempt organizations. To this end, the corporation shall be a self-support group for parents seeking or involved with family services; an information source for services, activities and information for parents; a promoter and publisher of information for the empowerment of responsible parenting; and an active member of building its surrounding social community through public events, volunteering, and educational classes. All funds, whether income or principal, and whether acquired by gift or contribution or otherwise, shall be devoted to said purposes. ARTICLE III LIMITATIONS At all times the following shall operate as conditions restricting the operations and activities of the corporation: 1. No part of the net earnings of the corporation shall inure to any member of the corporation not qualifying as exempt under Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code of 1986, as now enacted or hereafter amended, nor to any Director or officer of the corporation, nor to any other private persons, excepting solely such reasonable compensation that the corporation shall pay for services actually rendered to the corporation, or allowed by the corporation as a reasonable allowance for authorized expenditures incurred on behalf of the corporation; 2. No substantial part of the activities of the corporation shall constitute the carrying on of propaganda or otherwise attempting to influence legislation, or any initiative or referendum before the public, and the corporation shall not participate in, or intervene in (including by publication or distribution of statements), any political campaign on behalf of, or in opposition to, any candidate for public office; and 3. Notwithstanding any other provision of these articles, the corporation shall not carry on any other activities not permitted to be carried on by a corporation exempt from federal income tax under Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code of 1986, as now enacted or hereafter amended. 4. The corporation shall not lend any of its assets to any officer or director of this corporation unless such loan program is regularly conducted as part of the activities of the organization and the qualification of the individual to participate in same is determined by a panel comprised solely of non-Board members, or guarantee to any person the payment of a loan by an officer or director of this corporation.
ARTICLE IV DIRECTORS/MEMBERS The corporation may (but need not) have voting members, and such membership, if any, and classes thereof, shall be as defined in the corporation's bylaws. The management and affairs of the corporation shall be at all times under the direction of a Board of Directors, whose operations in governing the corporation shall be defined by statute and by the corporation's by-laws. No member or Director shall have any right, title, or interest in or to any property of the corporation. ARTICLE V DEBT OBLIGATIONS AND PERSONAL LIABILITY No member, officer or Director of this corporation shall be personally liable for the debts or obligations of this corporation of any nature whatsoever, nor shall any of the property of the members, officers or Directors be subject to the payment of the debts or obligations of this corporation. ARTICLE VI DISSOLUTION Upon the time of dissolution of the corporation, assets shall be distributed by the Board of Directors, after paying or making provisions for the payment of all debts, obligations, liabilities, costs and expenses of the corporation, for one or more exempt purposes within the meaning of section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code, or the corresponding section of any future federal tax code, or shall be distributed to the federal government, or to a state or local government, for a public purpose. Any such assets not so disposed of shall be disposed of by a Court of Competent Jurisdiction of the county in which the principal office of the corporation is then located, exclusively for such purposes or to such organization or organizations, as said Court shall determine, which are organized and operated exclusively for such purposes. ARTICLE VII INCORPORATOR The incorporators of this corporation are: Terrence M Craven, President - 3908 N Howard St, Spokane, WA 99205 Jeremiah F Donier, Secretary/Treasurer – 2418 W Francis Ave, Spokane, WA 99205 The undersigned incorporators certify that they execute these Articles for the purposes herein stated, and that by such execution, they affirm the understanding that should any of the information in these Articles be intentionally or knowingly misstated, they are subject to the criminal penalties for perjury set forth in the Revised Code of Washington as if this document had been executed under oath.