Finding Your True Type

Relationships and The Enneagram

Written by Kerri Collins Illustration by Lauren Sawdey

“What type of Enneagram personality are you?”

The Reformer. The Helper. The Achiever. The Individualist. The Investigator. The Loyalist. The Enthusiast. The Challenger. The Peacemaker.

All nine types of the Enneagram personality assessment provide insight to who someone is and why they are the way they are. Whether someone lives by the Enneagram or considers it insignificant, it has had a clear impact on young adults in current culture, relationships and even hiring processes.

This personality test is used to better understand oneself or others in a deeper way. Communication styles, motivations, strengths and weaknesses can be identified through dissecting an Enneagram personality type.

Finding Your Type

There are several ways to go about finding what Enneagram number an individual is, whether it be taking a test, reading a book, listening to a podcast or researching.

“There are lots of different tests, however, test-taking can be misleading. People can test on who they want to be, not who they actually are,” says Katie Ramsey, Program Director of the Neighborhood Day Camp at Forest Home.

“I recommend taking the basic test, taking the top three you ranked really high on and then read more about those. The book ‘The Road Back To You’ by Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile gives a really great overview of how each number sees the world. I suggest people read it and have an open mind to what they think resonates with them.”

The type a person tests into is called their basic personality type, which is the dominant personality type. While people may express qualities of other numbers during seasons of life, this number does not change. After finding this number, one can figure out what “wing” they are. This comes from the adjacent numbers to the dominant number.

According to the Enneagram Institute, “Your basic type dominates your overall personality, while the wing complements it and adds important, sometimes contradictory, elements to your total personality. Your wing is the ‘second side’ of your personality, and it must be taken into consideration to better understand yourself or someone else.”

MISCONCEPTIONS

The Enneagram movement has allowed people to dive deeper into themselves and reach a level of vulnerability that can be freeing. Discovering oneself on a deeper level has many joys, but it also can be damaging if not used properly.

Ramsey says how this test can be used for both good and evil.

“It is a beautiful picture of humanity and how we all need each other in this world. If used properly, it’s a great tool for empathy and connection”, Ramsey says. “When used in an unhealthy way, it can put people into boxes and that can be damaging for themselves and their relationships.”

It is important to recognize the complexity of humanity and understand that while the Enneagram is a tool to better understand individuals, it does not give every inside detail to who a person is.

There are stigmas and stereotypes around each number that can affect how people are viewed. 9’s are considered lazy, 3’s are overachievers, 8’s will always challenge you and 4’s have to be and think differently in every single way. While these stereotypes can have some truth to them, it is not an accurate representation of who these people are.

“People take one stereotype with or without realizing it and put it as the blanket label for that number,” Ramsey says. “Those stereotypes are not based in truth. They come from a lack of knowledge and not having that human connection to the test. If you don’t know about it, you can’t have compassion or understand it. People do not take the time to learn more and dig deeper into what the Enneagram truly is.”

While this test gives insight to someone’s characteristics, it is not to be used as a shield to the outside world or an excuse for the decisions one makes.

Mitchell Maberry, senior nursing major, touches on this problem.

“I think a lot of people try to blame how they are on the Enneagram and that is not what it is meant for. When people say ‘it’s because I’m this number,’ that is wrong. You are in control of what you do. At that point, you are putting yourself in a box,” Maberry says.

ENNEAGRAM AND RELATIONSHIPS

The purpose of dating is to find someone one connects with on a deeper level. One of the biggest conversations around the Enneagram is how it can impact relationships. Understanding communication styles, core motivations, fears and desires allow couples to better love and understand one other.

A recently engaged couple, Maberry (type 1) and his fiance Alyssa Waite (type 9) said the Enneagram has helped their relationship grow.

“This test helps give more grace to the other person and to yourself. I have realized that when I ask Alyssa, ‘Where do you wanna go for dinner’ or ‘what do you want to do’ and she says she does not give an answer, it’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s that she doesn’t have an opinion because both are good. She can see all the pros and cons for every single option, so it leaves her without an opinion in this situation. Understanding this allows me to have more grace for her in those times and take the lead.”

Adding to that, Waite says, “This test has helped me learn the weaknesses I have. When you understand those you are able to communicate how you are, which allows your significant other to better understand you.”

Finding someone compatible with one’s type is something avid followers of the Enneagram try to do. While this is understandable, it is important to note that it is not necessarily the number that makes someone compatible with others — it is their own personality.

Kennedy Brown, senior graphic design and illustration double major, shares her thoughts on type compatibility.

“I believe it is all about the individual’s self-awareness and emotional health,” she says. “I’m a 4 and 7, so I’m very in my feelings and like to have fun. I’ve found that I tend to be attracted to people very easygoing and more chill than me. It is truly about balance. There are beautiful things about each type.”

When it comes to better understanding a significant other, it can be dangerous to base everything off of an Enneagram type.

Ramsey said when she first started dating her boyfriend, Andy, this was something she found herself doing.

“Looking back, I was so eager to know him at a deeper level at the beginning of our relationship. I wanted to put him in a box by figuring out what number he identified as and basing my knowledge of him off this number,” Ramsey says. “Just because I know a lot about the Enneagram doesn’t mean I know everything about who Andy is. I don’t get to be the authority on his motivations or who he is. I’ve had to let myself back down because he’s a human, not just his number.”

ENNEAGRAM AS A TOOL

At the end of the day, the Enneagram is a tool. It is not an end-all-be-all rule for forming relationships with others. It is a beautiful way to better understand others and connect with people on a deeper level. It offers those a set of tools to support one another.

Maberry said that while this test is helpful in relationships, it is not a steadfast rule.

“At the end of the day, if we want to make it work, we’re going to make it work. It doesn’t have anything to do with me being a 1 and her being a 9,” Maberry says.

While the Christian community has adopted this test and added a faith-based twist to it, the Enneagram isn’t only useful for those who are believers. Christians have used the Enneagram to help them better understand their own struggles with sin, and churches have even done sermon series on this test. At the end of the day, it is meant to show how differences in personality are valuable and necessary.

“We can all resonate with humanity coming together,” Ramsey says. “Human connection is such a common thread of our lives. Knowing yourself and being able to create authentic connections with people is a tool for anybody.”

Enneagram Types

The Reformer (1) The Helper (2) The Achiever (3) The Individualist (4) The Investigator (5) The Loyalist (6) The Enthusiast (7) The Challenger (8) The Peacemaker (9)