a lot of strangers helped me to the airport yesterday, it was a good south london farewell. 11.5 hour flight, didn’t sleep. had two empty seats next to me until a v ira glass looking guy switched into my row. scruffy beard and glasses, slightly greying hair, good suit. i watched before midnight and magnolia from my laptop, cried three times watching magnolia and then at the end cried and thought about it for a while. i am a sucker for that movie. then some arrested development and staring out the window and “i can’t believe this is my life”
! GIRLPOOL // NOV 17 2014 // SHACKLEWELL ARMS // ! LONDON ! !
! ! girlpool tonight and they have this song called paint me i saw colors where cleo sings “i’ll never understand what it means to be ! who is white cuz he never has! to fight” BUT TONIGHT she a man changed the lyric to “i’ll never understand what it means be, anyone but me” and for awhile it ruined the song for me and i was super upset because i loved that line. i guess i just felt like the feeling of isolation because you aren’t a white dude isn’t discussed in punk/lo-fi/whatever music ever. but i talked to her after and asked her why she changed it and she said she didn’t think it was a fair lyric because everyone has to fight and i think she said she wasn’t too far from being a white man. which is all true, but it was such a powerful line before. i remember thinking “fuck yeah” when i first heard it, i’m just bummed that future girls/ nonwhite dudes aren’t gonna get to hear it. also i almost cried because they have this line about being ANGRY and i was like “ughhh yeah why am i so angry” and yeah that was the show. the venue was one of those overpriced pubs that looks “cool” but kinda just smells like farts. then when i was waiting for the train i sat down at the end of a bench with four spots open, the one next to me had one of those empty sushi bento boxes. then this gross drunk white guy walks onto the platform and starts making lots of noise and of course i accidentally made eye contact with him. so he decides to sit right next to me even though i’ve got my “fuck off” face on but then he sits right on the sushi and in my head im like “dude did you not see that wasabi what is wrong with you” but my face was still like “ughh fuck off”. i think that is some body duality. !
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i will miss london a lot, it was good to live there for a while. i feel it’s unfair that i just started getting used to everything and then had to leave, like i just started believing in myself or something. also i knew i was temporary in london so that messed with me a bit.
xx
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