Life Coaching - Techniques For Personal Coaching and Self Coaching (Abbreviated Version)

3.21 SELF DISCLOSURE Coachees often are under the impression that they are the only ones struggling with that kind of problem. Though they may have heard of or read about similar cases, that has not led to recognition or helped them develop a better strategy. Because they have been going round in circles, they are unable to see a way out. In such cases, it can be useful to tell them of similar things from your own experience. The purpose is to show them a solution is possible.

Self-disclosure can also be used to a degree to strengthen the bond with the coachee, i.e. if it would help the coachee to know that the coach has gone through a similar experience. You can also use self-disclosure to break the ice or to make sure the coachee doesn't put you on a pedestal.

Make sure self-disclosure is done in such a way that the coachee doesn't get the impression everybody can handle the situation, except him. Don't disclose things about yourself that you haven't come to terms with, otherwise the coachee might start feeling he really should coach you instead of the other way around.

This use of self cannot be taught in a prescriptive or normative manner, since each coach will draw on unique personal experiences and knowledge, and each coaching encounter will present unique constellations of opportunity for the coach’s use of self.

Change through relationship Gestalt holds that change happens through relationship. The importance of the quality of the relationship between coach/client is not exclusive to Gestalt of course (e.g. De Haan, 2008), but Gestalt does bring a perspective, which is quite different from conventional wisdom. To Perls, the ‘self ’ is not a semi-fixed entity that endures over time. Instead ‘self ’ is a process, always in flux and totally contextual, it is a function of what gets evoked in the interaction between individuals under the unique set of circumstances of that particular interaction (Perls, 1978). Simply put, the ‘me’ that I experience when I am with my boss is likely to be different in some respect from the ‘me’ that I experience when I am with my best