KIDS, from page 15
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Social Intelligence This is another biggie: socially (or emotionally) incompetent kids become troubled adults who have a tough time in relationships or having good attitudes at work. That is, children need good “people skills� to get along and cooperate with others. Zest Merriam-Webster defines “zest� as “lively excitement: a feeling of enjoyment and enthusiasm.� Sadly, many adults lose it by adulthood and then pass on their unhappiness and dull approach to life to their kids. If you have children, learn to get your zest on. Pursue your interests and focus on learning to love life. Model it, and teach your kids to do the same. If you live in tough circumstances, a dose of zest just might give you the energy to pull out and change it. And if you’re mentoring a child in an unhappy family, be sure to bring zest and healthy excitement into their lives.
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Optimism It’s true: People who believe the future will be good are more likely to see (and help) that belief come true. And we believe in ourselves more when we accomplish tough tasks. Elizabeth Scott, M.S., advises families to help children experience success by giving them tasks from an early age, then give them credit for succeeding. Watch what it takes for them to succeed and then help them develop those skills, she says. Get more of her tips at jfp.ms/raiseoptimists.
How to Raise a Pessimist COURTESY ELISABETH SCOTT
Dr. Bruce Perry warns on scholastic.com that the “less-curious child will make fewer new friends, join fewer social groups, read fewer books, and take fewer hikes. The less-curious child is harder to teach because he is harder to inspire, enthuse and motivate.� Here are three ways that adults snuff out a child’s curiosity: 1. Fear: “Fear kills curiosity. When the child’s world is chaotic or when he is afraid, he will not like novelty. He will seek the familiar, staying in his comfort zone, unwilling to leave and explore new things. Children impacted by war, natural disasters, family distress, or violence all have their curiosity crushed.� 2. Disapproval: “‘Don’t touch. Don’t climb. Don’t yell. Don’t take that apart. Don’t get dirty. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.’ Children sense and respond to our fears, biases and attitudes. If we convey a sense of disgust at the mud on their shoes and the slime on their hands, their discovery of tadpoles will be diminished.� 3. Absence: “The presence of a caring, invested adult provides two things essential for optimal exploration: 1) a sense of safety from which to set out to discover new things and 2) the capacity to share the discovery and, thereby, get the pleasure and reinforcement from that discovery.� Read more at jfp.ms/kill_curiosity.
“IQ was not the only difference between my best and my worst students. ‌ What we need in education is a much understanding of students and learning from a motivational perspective ‌.â€? — Former public-school teacher and McArthur “geniusâ€? fellow Angela Lee Duckworth
Elisabeth Scott, M.S., warns on About.com about parental practices that, though well-meaning, can squelch your child’s optimism. She writes: 1. Don’t praise when not warranted: “Optimism researcher Martin Seligman believes that telling a child that everything they do is great—rather than helping them experience real successes and persist in the face of reasonable obstacles—puts the child at a disadvantage, creating an overly strong selffocus and actually making them more vulnerable to depression.� 2. Avoid negative labels: “Correct unacceptable behavior, but don’t label your child with negative labels—ever! Children tend to live up—or down—to our expectations, so if you say, ‘Jack’s our whiner,’ or ‘Lucy’s our shy child,’ what may have been a passing phase becomes a more permanent identity. This is much more damaging to a child’s self-concept than some parents realize, and it perpetuates the very behavior you find so objectionable.� 3. Don’t be a poor example: “Children watch us and see us as constant examples, whether we like it or not. The good news about this is that we can teach by doing. Practice optimistic thinking yourself. When you achieve success, don’t downplay it with false modesty, but give yourself credit for a job well done. When things go wrong, don’t catastrophize; put things in perspective.�
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Gratitude Turns out that your mama was right: It is healthy to give thanks. The focus of prayer is healthy, but you can take it even farther with your child. Have him do a short list every day (perhaps in a fun journal) of what he is grateful for. It can be anything: his new puppy, her teacher, a good grade, a cartoon, a sports figure. A gratitude list brings a sense of balance and grace to your child’s life, and can become a life-long habit. Adults should do it, too, to fight stress and instill more mindfulness. Grateful children also tend to be healthier. (Same with adults.)
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jacksonfreepress.com
Move Over, IQ:
Curiosity: The Don’ts
Many Ways to Help Children
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