D ATING R OCKS !
Unconscious Rapport Skills For seven years, I learned and applied communication techniques working as a personal development trainer for peak performance expert Tony Robbins’ Mastery University seminars. What I’ve surmised is that some unconscious communication techniques are worth trying to master because they are easy and natural to do. However, other methods are extremely difficult and make a novice practitioner come across as being either strange or manipulative. Based on my experience both in dating and communication, here are some simple things to do and avoid when you’re trying to connect on the same level with people that you meet in a social situation. (Note: Some of the methods below can be used in a more complex way, and they are mostly mentioned for the benefit of those already familiar with studies in unconscious communication patterns.)
* Get yourself comfortable first and foremost. * Match your voice volume and talking speed with the other person. * Match their keywords, phrases, jargon, and slang words. * Find the comfort level for the amount of eye contact. * Find the comfort level for body closeness or amount of space. * Find the comfortable time-balance between talking and listening. * Don’t break their pattern with a strange or loud laugh. * Don’t break their pattern with radical hand-gestures. * Don’t break their pattern with overly dramatic facial expressions. * Don’t overuse annoying pet phrases like “Been there, done that.” * Don’t attempt to interpret confusing eye-movement patterns. * Don’t try to match voice textures (nasal tones, strong accents). * Don’t try to persuade with embedded commands or meanings. * Use tag questions like “You like me, don’t you?” very sparingly. * Don’t try using physical anchoring (touching) techniques. * Don’t try to match or mirror back breathing patterns. * Don’t overdo mimicking body postures or hand gestures. * Don’t overuse questions in an effort to redirect their focus. The Bottom Line Master the easy and natural ways of building rapport and spend the majority of your focus on being a more likeable, warm, and receptive person. That way, the proper credit will go directly to the person you truly are, instead of to a set of manipulative persuasion tricks. Trust that true bonding between people is spiritual and human in nature.
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