Joanna by Joanne Li Slice of life 03/04/2004
My family of 6 was... happy.
broken.
她这个女人......老婆竟然生了两个女的。没男孩，怎样给我传宗接代？才会有个‘好’子“我都说了！我要一个孙子，一个孙女！这样我们家族（‘子’+‘女’=‘好’）。你那我没打算好好对待第二个孙女。” [“I already said! I want a grandson and a granddaughter! This way, the family can have a good blessing, since we’ll have ‘子 + 女 = 好 ‘ (好: Good / Nice in Chinese).] 啊。”了，我的天的烦死人“那女人真 [“That woman’s so annoying, God.”] 照顾。”“孩子也不 [“Can’t even take care of her own children.”]
Where I got pretty pink dresses and the fanciest of accessories, she got plain looking clothes. Where I got to eat out almost everyday, she had to skip out on some meals because my paternal grandparents disliked her that much, just for not being male sex at birth.
While I ate at the sofa, watching TV and eating meat, my sister was sat in the dark kitchen corner sandwiched between the dining table and a wall, eating vegetables and a little rice.
For punishments, where I was beaten with a single stick (‘balloon sticks’ from balloons from MacDonalds), my sister who was younger than I was, was beaten with 10 tied together.
I found out at a young age, that my paternal grandparents weren’t the biggest fans of my mother and my sister, and I started noticing the differential treatment.
My paternal grandmother (阿媽) was a loud and easily angered lady, who took out a lot of her frustrations on my sister and mother. My paternal grandfather (阿公) was also an easily irritated man, but he didn’t care as much and just went along with whatever his wife told him to do or say, and he was a serial smoker. My mother (妈咪) was made to carry the weight of my sister and I in a country she was unfamiliar with, full of languages she couldn’t understand with an unsupportive family-in-law, working hard to buy a HDB for all of us, whilst my paternal grandmother just lamented she didn’t take enough care of my sister and I. The fact is, she was doing her best, and she did. My paternal grandmother just wanted an excuse to mistreat my mother.
7
Meanwhile, my ‘father’ was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t even know how to say the words ‘爸爸’ properly and have pretty much never uttered those words for the man in question was barely home, always out gambling away my mother’s and his parents’ money, flirting with other women, repeatedly swindling my mother of her hard-earned money in a foreign country with no relatives with empty promises of starting a big company and making a name for himself.
I was treated like a queen because I was the first female, but after me, my paternal grandparents wanted a male. My sister, was a female. So in turn, my sister and my mum were heavily mistreated because they were ‘mistakes’ in my paternal grandmother’s eyes. I was but a young and dumb kid, and I understood nothing of what the two of them went through.
At night, once she reached home after her long hours of work, she settles in and cuts fruit for us to eat, and once we’re showered and clean, she tucks us into bed and tells us stories from books we’d borrow from the library. She tried her best to shower us with her love, enough for to make up for the missing parents’ part too.
My mother did try her very best. Everyday, we’d start the day of with breakfast where possible before she left for work. She’d kiss and hug us goodbye, and she’d call if we were at home to check on the two of us.
9
My biological father was barely home, and I only know of his name and the things he definitely did not do as a father for our ‘family’.
The day.
It was a lovely day, and the ‘vast skies were blue, with lazy fluffy white clouds floating in the sky, the sun a radiant white’. My mother had brought me and my sister out to play with her coworker’s son while she and her coworker chatted the day away. It was pretty rare for her to have an off day without work. My sister and I had a blast, learning about tablets and getting to borrow one to play with. Everything was pretty peaceful until we returned home. My mother had reached for the keys to unlock the metal gate to the house, and upon reaching her hand up to the lock, she discovered a second, large padlock on the metal gate of the house we lived in.
After a while, she called the police. I couldn’t see her expression, and I think she was trying to stay strong infront of my sister and I.
My mother was confused. So were my sister and I. What happened? As children, the two of us did next to nothing while just whispering to one another in confusion. My mother saw themmy paternal grandparents - through the windows on the right side, and called for them to unlock the door, initial confusion morphing into fear and worry. They heard us, they ignored us.
Everything was a blur after that. All I remember was my mother crying as she packed our belongings into a few small luggages, and then we left, to a friend of my mom’s. We only stayed there for a night - and from then on, we kept moving.
12
15
She’d read us storybooks before bed, too, honing her english over the years on the side to communicate with others and with my sister and I.
Our New Life.
We managed to settle a little for 2 years in some community service place where a bunch of people who couldn’t afford their own home stayed, and we ate meals that I couldn’t get used to, too used to McDonalds and the likes. We had another room mate that we had to share the room with. I used to pray to god, sending little pieces of paper out into the wild while wondering if that would pollute the streets. We had fixed meal timings, no activities except for to play with one another.
My sister and I often played pretend where we were princesses and princes, using our blankets as capes. We went to church in the morning just to get the bread as breakfast. My mother would bring us to the library on Saturdays, wanting to encourage us to read more and be more educated.
16
My sister and I had to go to a Student Care Centre, where we stuck with one another a lot, before finding our individual best friends. The teachers there saw value in my ‘flair for art’, and praised me to encourage my growth, taking pity on our situation. I often heard this as a child: “Help your mother out. She’s working very hard for the two of you, so you should try to take care of your sister more.”
Our New Life.
For meals, my mother quickly learnt of our likes and dislikes, and often bought cheap but good food which suited out tastesseaweed chicken, popcorn chicken, and fried fish with mayo on our birthdays. Sometimes, we got 4 seaweed chicken to share between my mother, my grandmother (who came down from China to help my mother out), my sister and I. The adults always let us have all of it, and my sister and I would argue over who gets which piece - “this one is slightly bigger so I should get a small mouth from it!” We would have the two chicken to go with a whole big bowl of watery rice, and that was enough. On Tuesdays, at some point we got to go down to a Family Service Centre at night to collect bread and cake which had been donated - if we were lucky, we got the cream puffs, which I loved, and chocolate donuts which my sister loved. It would serve as our breakfasts for the following weeks.
Sometimes, on good days, my mother would buy us $0.50 curry puffs or $2 chicken rice for me and my sister to split in half to eat - and we’d eat every last morsel.
Due to my initial childhood, I was a very stubborn person, hard-headed, bossy, and very vocal about what I like and hate. I thought my best friend was okay with it.
She was not.
In primary 3, when we split classes, a popular girl got split from her friends when she landed in the academically third best class. I noticed, and I made friends with her. Along the way, I made a lot of other friends as well - if they sat near me, they were bound to have spoken to me before. I was a very extroverted person.
21
In primary 5, they ditched me. A friend group of 8 people that I had created ghosted me in real life. It was after a PE lesson, and we finished a beep test, so we had pencil and paper when we headed to recess. I was still using FAS scheme paper coupons to pay for money, and that day, I bought a bowl of noodles after having left my belongings at the table we usually sat at. I returned to the table to find it completely ‘full’. Everyone was seated, and my belongings weren’t there. I asked if there was still space, and they said no, and I watched as my best friend from Primary 1 shook her head no. However, when the 9th member they invited arrived, they automatically made space for her to sit down. I found my belongings on another table a few meters away, and unable to handle being outcasted, I spent the rest of my recess in the toilet, hiding. They never approached me again after that, and all our plans of working together for the P6 schoolwide fundraising event was thrown to the wind.
I joined my sister during recesses and lunch breaks, and I made friends with her friends. I did find a new friend with whom I’m still good friends with to this day.
PerMysonality
I got my PSLE results, went to Yishun Town Secondary, moved into a new house, finally got a father figure in life, and even got a baby brother who might annoy me, but I still love him a lot.
Various things happened, but life was pretty average after that, and my worries slowly drifted to that of providing financially for my family or somehow reducing my financial burden, as well as how my friendships would progress -- it would seem that my past greatly affected how I think now, whether it be for the better or the worse.
22
After all of this happened, life seemed to move really quickly.
I gained the confidence to speak during presentations through the various part time jobs I’ve gone through, through choir which taught me how to build confidence in myself.
I gained better relationships with my mother and sister, and I better understand my family and the struggles they go through. I love my family, and the strengthening of the relationships I’ve gained through this. I’m Joanne, and I’m grateful for the life I’ve led up till now.
