> straight talk
Mark Steyn
The rise of a cartoon president
I
n Tokyo a couple of weeks ago, over a thousand people signed president, and the sooner the better – ie, the sooner we do it, the a new petition asking the Japanese government to permit mar- better it speaks of us. They have a point. I look at the roll call of the riages between human beings and cartoon characters. “I am dead on 9/11: Arestegui, Bolourchi, Carstanjen, Droz, Elseth, Foti, no longer interested in three dimensions. I would even like to Gronlund, Hannafin, Iskyan, Kuge, Laychak, Mojica, Nguyen, become a resident of the two-dimensional world,” explained Taichi Ong, Pappalardo, Quigley, Retic, Shuyin, Tarrou, Vamsikrishna, Takashita. “Therefore, at the very least, would it be possible to Warchola, Yuguang, Zarba. Black, white, Scandinavian, Balkan, legally authorize marriage with a two-dimensional character?” Arab, Asian – in a word, American. The presidential pantheon has And then came Election Night, where an entire constitutional a narrower ring: Clinton, Reagan, Nixon, Johnson. Obama has a republic has decided to contract marriage with a two-dimensional tedious shtick about how his name sounds odd and he doesn’t look character and to attempt to take up residence in the two-dimen- like “all those other presidents on the dollar bills.” He’s not just sional world. For many of his supporters, Barack Obama is an idea. picking out the drapes for the Oval Office, he’s ordering up the He offers “hope, not fear”. “Hope” of what? “Hope” of “change.” new currency and booking the sculptors for Mount Rushmore. Okay, but “change” to what? Ah, well, there you go again, getting And why not? Obama in the White House, Obama on the dolall hung up on three-dimensional reality, when we’ve moved way lar bill, Obama on Rushmore would symbolize the possibilities beyond that. I don’t know which cartoon character Taichi Takashita of America more than that narrow list of white-bread protestant is eyeing as his betrothed, but up in the sky Obamaman is fly- presidents to date. ing high, fighting for Hope, Change, and a kind of Post-Modern The problem is we’re not electing a symbol, a logo, a twoAmerican Way. dimensional image. Long The two-dimensional idea before he emerged on the The government as wealthof President Obama is seducnational stage as Barack the tive: To elect a young black Hope-Giver and Bringer of spreader-in-chief was not a slip man of Kenyan extraction and Change, there was a threeIndonesian upbringing offers dimensional Barack Obama, of the tongue but consistent with redemption both for America’s a real man who lives in the original sin (slavery) and for real world. And that’s where Obama’s life, friends and votes the more recent perceived sins the problem lies. of President Bush – his supThe Senator and his dotposed enthusiasm for sticking it to foreigners generally, and the ing Obots in the media have gone to great lengths to obscure Muslim world in particular. And no, I’m not saying he’s Muslim. what Barack Obama does when he’s not being a symbol: his votIt’s worse than that: He’s a pasty-faced European – at least in his ing record, his friends, his patrons, his life outside the soft-focus view of state power, welfare, and taxation. memoirs is deemed non-relevant to the general hopey-changey But, in a sense, he’s not anything in particular, so much as vibe. But occasionally we get a glimpse. The offhand aside to Joe everything in general. The media dispatched legions of reporters the Plumber about “spreading the wealth around” was revealing to hoot and jeer at Sarah Palin’s Wasilla without ever wondering: because it suggests a crude redistributive view of “social justice.” Where would we go to do this to Obama? Where’s his “home Yet the nimble Hope-a-Dope sidestepper brushed it aside, telltown?” Bill Clinton was famously (if not entirely accurately) from ing a crowd in Raleigh that next John McCain will be “accus“a place called Hope.” Barack Obama is from an idea called hope. ing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in What’s the area code? 1-800-HOPE4CHANGE. The 1-800 candi- kindergarten.” date offers the hope of electing a younger Morgan Freeman, the But that too is revealing. As John Hood pointed out at National cool, reserved, dignified black man who, when he’s not literally Review, communism is not “sharing.” In a free society, the citizen God walking among us (as in Bruce Almighty), is always the con- chooses whether to share his Lego, trade it for some Thomas the science of the movie. Tank Engine train tracks, or keep it to himself. From that freedom You can understand the appeal of such an idea. Even if you’re of action grow mighty Playmobile cities. Communism is comnot hung up on white liberal guilt or Bush loathing, there’s an pulsion. It’s the government confiscating your Elmo to “share” it urge to get it over with, to say, well, America should have a black with someone of its choice. Joe the Plumber is free to spread his 18 INVESTIGATEMAGAZINE.COM December 2008