UNPACK VOICES ON CULTURE AND JUSTICE IN HAMILTON | B Y T H E I M M I G R A N T WO M E N ’ S C E N T R E
“The storm won’t be forever.” HOW ONE WOMAN LED HER FAMILY TO
HEALING PAGE 3
LEILA’S GIRLFRIENDS
WORKING TO END STIGMA
THE IMPACT OF VIOLENCE
FATHERHOOD & GENDER
PAGE 4
PAGE 6
PAGE 9
PAGE 11
Special Issue: Working together to end abuse
SPRING 2015
2 • Spring 2015
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IWCHamilton.ca | 905-529-5209
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uM AnG pA aZ IcNkE Editor-In-Chief: Ines Rios Managing Editor: Michelle Both
Why talk about family violence? I T ’ S E V E R Y B O DY ’ S I S S U E By Ines Rios “Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” – Jane Howard We all need relationships to thrive, whether our families are biological or chosen, or we have friends as close as family. But most of all, we need these relationships to be healthy. This is precisely what the Neighbours, Friends and Families (NFF) Immigrant and Refugee Communities Campaign believes. This issue of Unpack has been produced in partnership with the Hamilton Urban Core Community Health Centre, with funding from NFF and the Ontario Women’s Directorate, in order to address family violence and engage community members in expanding the understanding of healthy family relationships in our community. In this issue, you will read stories of those working to create healthy family relationships, community resources on violence and abuse, and the specific challenges newcomers face to keep their families intact. You will also read about the important work Community Action Leaders in Hamilton are doing to raise awareness about family violence in their communities. Be sure to check out the amazing article on fatherhood, and how tenderness does not rob men of their manhood; it will add much joy and spark! We hope these stories will both inform and inspire you, as we work together for a community free of violence.
Ines Rios is the Executive Director at the Immigrant Women’s Centre, and a healthy food connoisseur.
Design & Layout: Michelle Both Guest Editorial Board: Yashoda Valliere, Alison MacKenzie, and Floydeen Charles-Fridal Copy Editor: Cassandra Roach Website: UnpackMag.ca Email: UnpackMag@IWCHamilton.ca Twitter: @UnpackMag IWCHamilton.ca 8 Main St E, Suite 101 Hamilton, ON L8N 1E8 905-529-5209 x257
This issue was made in partnership with:
Spring 2015 • 3
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FINDING THE STRENGTH TO C A R RY O N
One woman’s battle overcoming the isolation of immigration
MICHELLE BOTH
Arriving in Canada as a refugee claimant left Venila Fequiere feeling isolated and depressed. She faced her challenges head-on, and today her family is thriving together in Hamilton.
By Michelle Both When Venila Fequiere first arrived in Hamilton, she had four children, a few suitcases and $500 in her pocket. She came as a refugee claimant, suddenly leaving behind her house, car, bank account, and three jobs. The uncertainty and stress of her situation weighed on her. “When I came here it was very, very difficult. I didn’t know anybody here,” she says. “I felt lonely. I was like someone who got lost in a desert. I didn’t know where to go or what to do.” She found herself unable to sleep. One night, she felt her room began to spin and knew something was wrong. After a visit to the doctor, Fequiere was diagnosed with depression, and began recognizing the symptoms in her children as well. She knew she needed more support, and didn’t want medication to be the only answer. A woman from her church recommended that her family sit down together and spend time sharing the struggles they were facing. Fequiere didn’t hesitate to take her advice. Days later, she and her four children came together, listened to each other, and discussed the issues affecting them. “Before, everyone was grieving inside but not telling
anyone what happened,” she says. “By the end, we were crying and talking about what we missed and the challenges we were going through.” That moment opened up communication in her family for the long term, and improved their relationships with each other.
“When they get here: it’s like a storm, but just be patient because the storm won’t be forever.” “It changed a lot. They all came to me and said thank you, and that it was a good moment. They felt so good about it.” Looking for more ways to connect with other women in the community, Fequiere joined a program at the Immigrant Women’s Centre. A turning point for her was one session in which everyone in the group opened up to each other. She was able to share her story with her peers, and listen to the experiences of others. “That day was a really hard day for me, but that’s
when I felt like I was cleaning up all the dirty dishes I had inside. It was a release,” she says. “It was like I was lonely, but now I could talk and share with the group.” She credits the support she received from social services and her church in Hamilton that provided what she needed to spiral her family back into emotional and financial stability. Now, she wants to encourage other families who may be facing similar struggles to keep pushing through: “When they get here it’s like a storm, but just be patient because the storm won’t be forever. “There is a day for the sun to shine,” she continues. “Now the sun is shining in our life.” Just two years ago, her family received their permanent residency status, allowing them to stay in Canada for the long-term. This year, they hope to receive their Canadian Citizenship and solidify their life in Canada. “The thing is, it all came together,” she says. “I can say my life now is way, way, way better.”
Michelle Both is Communications Coordinator at the Immigrant Women’s Centre and Managing Editor of Unpack Magazine.
4 • Spring 2015
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WOMEN CELEBRATING WITH STORY ‘Leila’s Girlfriends’ will perform Friday, March 6 at 7pm at the Lincoln Alexander Centre in celebration of International Women’s Day
By Jenny Vásquez Growing up in Mexico City, Edith Chavez remembers frequenting a coffee shop where people would gather together to tell stories. Always a spectator, she had dreamed of one day joining them as a storyteller. She practiced by telling stories to those close to her. “I like making people laugh [by talking] about my adventures,” she says. “I just tell stories to friends and family, and usually I make them laugh.” It wasn’t until Chavez joined a storytelling workshop at the Immigrant Women’s Centre that her dream came true. Now she and a group of local women have teamed up with actor and playwright Izad Etemadi to present an International Women’s Day live performance, ‘Leila’s Girlfriends.’ At the event, they will be sharing true stories of their own experiences, alongside Etemadi’s acting. “We are going to showcase strong and powerful women navigating their way,” explains Etemadi. Topics in the show include everything from the immigration system to relationships and house fires. A primary focus will be on getting through culture shock in Canada. “All these women have such incredible stories and powerful voices and they need to be heard by people,” he says, hoping guests will be inspired by the women to
share their own stories. In preparation for the performance, Etemadi has held storytelling workshops with women at the Immigrant Women’s Centre, where they gather twice a month to develop and improve their skills. They have been meeting since November.
“Our focus is taking these stories and making them entertaining and theatrical.” “Our focus is taking these stories and making them entertaining and theatrical,” says Etemadi. The women have been exploring and playing with different ways to tell their stories through their words and their bodies, he continues. When Ankita Srivastav first heard about the storytelling workshop, she had just moved to Canada. “I thought it could help me make friends, keep myself busy. It sounded like a fun thing to be a part of,” she says. She now realizes the workshop has helped her to go
outside of her comfort zone and redefine herself. She hopes the performance will reach out to other women like her and inspire them to realize that they “have the power to do things for themselves.” For Chavez, the workshop has definitely increased her confidence in storytelling. Now, she’s considering taking up acting classes as a hobby. But it doesn’t stop there. She will also be telling her story titled ‘How I Survived Mexico City’ at the next Steel City Stories’ event on March 7. What can we expect to see in ‘Leila’s Girlfriends’? “We have stories from Mexico, India, Iran, Sudan, Cuba, and Canada,” says Etemadi. “You can expect to see heart-wrenching, hilarious, and haunting stories told by real human beings.” The International Women’s Day inspired show will be performed one-time only at the Lincoln Alexander Centre (160 King St E) on March 6 at 7 p.m. Admission will be by donation, with a suggested donation of $10.
Jenny Vásquez is on the Board of Directors for the Hamilton Fringe Festival and chair of the Volunteer Engagement Committee. She recently completed her Social Service Worker diploma at George Brown in Toronto.
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Q&A
Spring 2015 • 5
with SACHA’s Erin Crickett In anticipation for International Women’s Day this year, the Gender Equity Committee of the Diversity Services at McMaster University wanted to show support by joining the fight against gender-based violence and becoming familiar with the services for women available in Hamilton. We spoke with the Sexual Assault Centre for Hamilton and Area’s Erin Crickett, an intersectional feminist who has been working in the gender justice movement for over ten years. Passionate about experiential education, Crickett works as SACHA’s Public Education Coordinator, and approaches social change work with both a sense of urgency as well as a sense of humour. MICHELLE BOTH
Erin Crickett works as Public Outreach Coordinator at the Sexual Assault Centre for Hamilton and Area, and has worked in the gender justice movement for over ten years.
1) For how long have you been involved with SACHA, and are there any specific reasons you became involved? Before coming to work at SACHA I had worked as a scientist, a tall ship sailor, an environmental educator, a baker, a migrant labour advocate, a shelter worker, and a farm hand. I ended up working to end genderbased violence because someone from a women’s shelter approached me at a Take Back the Night event and told me that they thought that I should volunteer on their crisis line. I was already involved and active as a feminist in my community, but the amazing training that I got connected me to wider feminist struggles and allowed me to actually put non-judgemental support skills into practice. I’ve worked as SACHA’s Public Educator for five years. I’m really glad that I get to use my gifts to hang out with youth and help professionals and faith or cultural groups. I create spaces for tough discussions about what our world would look like without violence. Working at SACHA makes sense for all parts of myself - as a woman, as a survivor, as a person living with disabilities - and as a person who is passionate about justice and ending oppression.
2) What strategies does SACHA implement to reach out to those who would be otherwise wary or afraid of visiting your centre in times of need?
Even though we’ve been in the community providing support for forty years, reaching out to SACHA - coming to our centre or calling the 24 Hour Support Line - is still incredibly hard and stigmatized. Sexual assault is still something that we don’t talk about. That makes it harder for survivors to reach out for help. We work really hard to make sure that SACHA is a warm welcoming place. Women from immigrant and newcomer communities might not have higher rates of violence, but they do have different obstacles to reaching out for help. SACHA’s Diverse Communities Outreach Program runs Multicultural Women’s Sewing Circles and language specific Women Helping Women groups. To join either group, the only requirements are being a newcomer or immigrant woman and wanting to learn new skills and break from isolation.
3) FROM YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, HOW HAS THE STIGMA ASSOCIATED WITH REPORTING ABUSE IMPACTED WOMEN AND EVEN SOCIETY ON A BROADER SCALE? The massive stigma that still exists for survivors of sexual violence means that many survivors use minimizing as a coping strategy and may not label what happened as abuse. We live in a culture that spreads lots of victim blaming messages. Most survivors believe these harmful messages about themselves – that they somehow caused the abuse. Stigma can keep survivors from reaching out for support. Because we have fewer survivors telling their
stories folks believe that abuse is less common when 1 in 3 women will experience sexual violence in their lifetime.
4) WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE SOMEONE WHO IS READING THIS ARTICLE AND EXPERIENCING SEXUAL ABUSE IN SILENCE TO KNOW? You are not alone. What happened to you is not your fault. You deserve support and care. Healing looks different for every survivor and that you are a strong, resilient person.
SACHA provideS support to adults who have experienced sexual violence at any time in their lives. Services are free, non-judgemental and based on the belief that survivors are the experts of their own experiences. Call SACHA’s 24 Hour Support Line, NOW IN 300 LANGUAGES, for confidential and anonymous support:
905.525.4162
6 • Spring 2015
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FROM TEA TIME TO ZINES
MICHELLE BOTH
Sisters Shewit and Semhal Gebru are creating zines to promote healthy family relationships among Hamilton’s Ethiopian community as part of the Neighbours, Friends and Families public education campaign through Hamilton Urban Core Community Health Centre.
Ending stigma around family violence Family violence looks different in every culture. These Hamilton women are working to end stigma and promote discussion in their cultural communities.
By Yashoda Valliere and Alison MacKenzie “What can we do to end family violence in our communities?” This is the question driving the efforts of 12 immigrant women who are determined to take action to promote healthy family relationships in Hamilton. Over 60% of Canadians say they know at least one woman who has experienced family violence, according to the Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics. Family violence affects all communities, but immigrant and refugee families face unique challenges when it comes to seeking help. Barriers such as language, culture, social
isolation, and unfamiliarity with available services may contributes to the healing of the whole community, prevent immigrant families from accessing services. because then it’s not isolated,” says Terry Swan, Member The Justice Institute of British Columbia found that of the Expert Panel for the provincial NFF Campaign, immigrant families may also face stigma or silence in stressing that the whole community has a responsibility their communities around discussing violence, and to end violence against women. may be fearful of reporting The project aims to violence to authorities. work with local leaders The Neighbours, Friends who best understand “When community members step forth and Families program their community’s (NFF) is a province-wide needs and engage and really make a choice to end campaign seeking to raise community members awareness about the signs in the discussion violence against women, that contributes of family violence, so about what healthy that those close to at-risk families look like. to the healing of the whole community, individuals or families can The project is rooted offer support. in the understanding because then it’s not isolated.” This year, Hamilton that every community Urban Core Community and culture has its Health Centre, in own vision of what partnership with the Immigrant Women`s Centre, is constitutes a healthy family. implementing the NFF program with a focus immigrant This is where the project’s Community Action and refugee communities in Hamilton. Leaders come in. These 12 leaders are immigrant women “When community members step forth and really from different cultural communities across Hamilton, make a choice to end violence against women, that who have completed NFF training to equip them with
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Spring 2015 • 7
“there is clearly much work to be done in our communities.”
MICHELLE BOTH
Community Action Leader Misra Hassan is developing a project aiming to reduce social isolation for sponsored women and raise awareness about the issue of sponsor abuse.
the tools and information needed to lead their own “We believe that this zine can reach many people, projects to end family violence. and expose them to the many different resources that Their projects range from a women’s weekly tea and the city of Hamilton has to offer,” says Shewit. “There conversation circle to a church community campaign, are many resources that Hamilton has that we were not with the common goal of starting an open discussion even aware of before joining this great project. So, this about community norms, and empowering people with can definitely help immigrants and newcomers.” the resources they Misra Hassan is another need to take an active Community Action Leader stance against family focusing on an often The project is rooted in the violence. overlooked family dynamic: Sisters and the sponsorship of relatives understanding that every community Community Action from other countries. Hassan’s Leaders Shewit and interest in this issue was and culture has its own vision of what Semhal Gebru have sparked when she began used their creative flair hearing stories of women constitutes a healthy family. to produce their own experiencing verbal, emotional, zine, or homemade and physical abuse at the hands magazine. In their of their sponsors in Canada. zine, they reflect on The Canadian Council of their experiences as Ethiopian women, and discuss Refugees found that this type of family violence may be what healthy family relationships look like in Ethiopian related to the power imbalance between a person settled culture. They hope to provide insight on how immigrant in Canada and the relative dependent on them to be able families can seek help from neighbours, friends, and to stay in Canada. The problem is exacerbated when the local agencies when facing difficulties. sponsored person is socially isolated and can not tell
others about the abuse. Hassan sees this happening with sponsored women. “Many times, [women] do not share [their experiences] with the community,” says Hassan. Her project aims to reduce social isolation for sponsored women and raise awareness about the issue of sponsor abuse in her community. Such ambition is characteristic of all the Community Action Leaders’ projects. With experts estimating that fewer than one in four incidents of domestic violence are reported to police, there is clearly much work to be done in our communities.
Yashoda Valliere and Alison McKenzie work as Cultural Facilitators through the Neighbours, Friends and Families (NFF) public education campaign at Hamilton Urban Core Community Health Centre. For more information on the province-wide NFF program, visit: www.neighboursfriendsandfamilies.ca.
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WHAT DOES A
H E A L T H Y F A M I LY LOOK LIKE?
Every community and culture has its own vision of what a healthy family looks like. If we cultivate healthy relationships, family violence can be prevented.
talk about problems
DON’T
work together to solve problems
DO
ABUSE LOVE NEGLECT TRUST INTIMIDATE RESPECT
make important decisions together
be honest with each other
share the workload fairly
DID YOU KNOW? Boys who witness violence against their mothers are 5 times more likely to grow up to perpetrate violence themselves. Girls who witness violence against their mothers are 5 times more likely to grow up to experience violence themselves.
Working together to end abuse w w w. n e i g h b o u r s f r i e n d s a n d f a m i l i e s . c a
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THE IMPACT OF
VIOLENCE ON FAMILIES
Trauma & Health
Shame & Stigma
By Mary-Jo Land and Karen Smith
By Michelle Both
Newcomer families have often experienced trauma in their country of origin, during their migration journey, and in their country of settlement. The types of trauma experienced by refugee and immigrant families, including fear, lack of trust, and domestic violence, sometimes require specialized treatment and services to effectively deal with symptoms. Whereas in Western culture, symptoms of trauma are more likely to be cognitive and emotional, refugees and immigrants are more likely to exhibit somatic symptoms, such as fainting and seizures, and generally poor health in addition to fear and anxiety. Those new to English often lack language about mental health and trauma. This may explain in part why an estimated 92% of immigrants and refugees deemed in need of mental health services never receive them. Other frequent barriers include mental health stigma, lack of trust, and reluctance to repeatedly describe symptoms to different providers or professionals. In many families, parents seeking help for their children may themselves be traumatized and have symptoms that have not been assessed. Working successfully with refugee and immigrant families to address mental illness and trauma requires consideration of their unique needs and significant challenges. Engagement is vitally important to identify those needs, and only then can culturally appropriate and sensitive interventions be identified and provided. This requires building trust and efforts to ensure families have a circle of support. This work often engages more than one individual in a family and parental involvement is essential when children need trauma treatment. Celebrating success is an important and reinforcing part of this ongoing relationship and can help families to deal with loss, to build trust, and to develop coping skills.
Violence against women and children is an issue affecting all countries, cultures, and communities. Molly Chang’s work in Hamilton’s Chinese community has put her face-to-face with this reality. “Many newcomer communities have similar [experiences] on the subject of family violence,” she says. “It comes down to how women are treated.” After hearing personal stories of violence in Hamilton, she was sad and frustrated, but didn’t know how to respond. Now, Chang has joined the Neighbours, Friends and Families (NFF) ‘Healthy Families, Healthy Communities’ program at Hamilton Urban Core Community Health Centre in hopes of gaining more resources and information. While things are not the same as they were when she first moved to Hamilton 25 years ago, she says it’s still hard to bring about change because of the stigma and shame that still exists. “People don’t talk about it. There is minimal discussion,” she explains. “This is something that can cause individuals to feel shame; it’s a kind of shame that causes people to worry about others looking down on them.” It is different for the younger generation however, she explains. She has seen a difference in how youth and young adults respond to violence. “Violence is more likely to be exposed. People aren’t as afraid to tell their friends, family members or coworkers.” Chang is now working through the NFF project to distribute information throughout Hamilton’s Chinese community that explains what services are available to support those in abusive situations. She will also be hosting a conversation circle with a goal of raising awareness about family violence. “I hope those who come will have a changed mind and look at family violence in a different way. It’s not okay. It’s not alright,” she says. “There is help out there and things people can do.”
Karen Smith is Executive Director of the Child Abuse Council in Hamilton. Mary-Jo Land is the Program Coordinator of the OASIS program at the same organization.
Michelle Both is Communications Coordinator at the Immigrant Women’s Centre and Managing Editor of Unpack Magazine.
MEN
10 • Spring 2015
TAKING ACTION
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We can do better. we can do more. Men can PLAY a huge role in ending gender-based violence. MEN ARE part of a solution; That means being prepared to interrupt, stand up to, and prevent violence in the spaces we work, live, hang out, and study in. gendered
against violence
By Jeff Perera, White Ribbon Campaign & Erin Crickett, Sexual Assault Centre of Hamilton and Area
what can men do?
Listen to the women in Your life and community.
LISTEN
Really listen. What do they need? What are they missing? What needs doing? Where are the struggles and where are people thriving?
Stand up against sexism.
STAND UP
Learn about THE struggles that have come before you.
Learn more about power and privilege. Talk to other anti-sexist men about how they confront male privilege.
LEARN
Prepare to make mistakes.
PREPARE
LOOK IN
Prepare to apologize. Prepare to listen and learn again, and again. Be aware of how much space you take up in the conversation.
Create the world we want.
Look into your own life.
Where do you have power? How have you used this power in the past? Manhood does not equal domination. Use the position you have to help make space for others to empower themselves. Inspire other men to consider consequences and embrace role modelling.
Stand up against rape culture. Find your voice. Find out how to amplify the voices of women and survivors. Ask yourself if you are making a safer space for women in your life to find support. What are you reinforcing or silently supporting?
CREATE
Create a space for men to talk, heal from sexism and take action. Encourage men to strive towards being difference-makers, embracing the power we have and the actions we can take. We are creating our world, in both the BIG actions, and also how we treat each other day to day.
THIS is a conversation about all of us. IT is not ‘us versus them.’ We can do better. Together, we can work towards a change that affects us all!
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REFLECTIONS ON
KEVIN CONNOR KELLER
Fatherhood & Gender Equity “Just as justice is what love looks like in public, tenderness is what love feels like in private. To be a great father, you must be a militant for tenderness, an extremist for love, a fanatic for fairness, and, in the larger society, a drum major for justice.” - Dr. Cornel West By Tuval Dinner If we watch television, listen to the radio, and follow the advice of parenting books, it is easy to understand how confusing the messages we receive about fatherhood can be. We may hear: “You have to be tough on your kids; you have to be gentle with your kids. You have to provide for your family; you have to be an equal partner in housework. You are the head of the family; you are part of a team. You must be strong; you must be soft. You must tell your kids what to do; you must listen.”
“Fathers can play a powerful role in supporting our children as they move towards a future where all people can be safe, strong and free.” It can make it hard to know what our roles and responsibilities as fathers should be. One way to help shape our decisions is to think about the outcome we are hoping for, and the goals that will lead us there. One of the goals I have for my children is for them to live in and contribute to a world where all people are safe, strong and free regardless of their gender. I see my role as a father as central in helping them think about what it means to be a man in today’s world and how relationships between people – regardless of gender – can thrive. There are 5 main guiding principles I use as a father to contribute to gender equity.
1. How I interact with and talk about women: modeling my belief that all people have value begins at home with how I treat the women in my family and how I talk about all women. 2. How I contribute to our home and family life: recognizing that the work I do in the home and with my family is just as valuable as the work I do outside the home. 3. How I respect my children: whatever my child’s gender is I try to respect them and their choices. They may not make the choices I would make but they are their own people. 4. How I teach my children: children of all genders have a right to be safe, strong and free. At the same time, they don’t have the right to restrict the rights of others. This is critical learning that we can teach in many ways. 5. How I teach my children to make decisions about their own bodies: teaching our children that their body is their own is a powerful message to them. We can do this by not forcing them to hug and kiss family members and by letting them make decisions about their own bodies. Whether we are the fathers of boys, girls or children or any gender we can play a powerful role in supporting them thriving and moving towards a future in which all people can be safe, strong and free*.
Tuval Dinner is a violence prevention educator specializing in healthy relationships, consent, gender equity and healthy masculinity. Tuval coordinates outreach and public education for COPA, a non-profit violence prevention education association (www.infocopa.com). *Safe, strong and free is the phrase COPA uses to explore children’s rights.
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STRONG CORE. HEALTHIER LIVES. Hamilton Urban Core Community Health Centre provides our community with primary health care, education, and advocacy with a holistic approach.
71 Rebecca Street Hamilton, Ontario Phone: 905-522-3233 Web: www.hucchc.com