shopaholic goes to manhattan

'Why don't you tell him this yourself?' says Michael gently. 'I'm sure he'd like to hear from you.'

He sounds so kind and concerned, I feel a sudden prickle in my nose.

'I can't. If I ring him up, he'll just think.., he'll think I'm trying to prove some point, or it's just some more stupid gossip--' I break off, and swallow hard. 'To be honest, Michael, I'd rather you just kept me out of it.

Pretend someone else spoke to you. But someone's got to tell him.'

'I'm seeing him in half an hour,' Michael says. 'I'll talk to him then. And Becky... well done.'

297 Sixteen After a week, I give up on hearing anything from Michael. Whatever he's said to Luke, I'm never going to find out about it. I feel as though that whole part of my life is over. Luke, America, television, everything. Time to start again.

I'm trying to keep positive, and tell myself I've lots of avenues open to me. But what is the next career move for an ex-television financial expert? I rang up a television agent, and to my dismay, she sounded exactly like all those TV people in America. She said she was thrilled to hear from me, she'd have absolutely no problem finding me work - if not my own series - and that she'd ring back that day with lots of exciting news.

I haven't heard from her since.

So now I'm educed to looking through the Media Guardian, looking for jobs I might just have half a chance of getting. So far, I've ringed a staff writer job on 'Investor's Chronicle, an assistant editorship of Personal Investment Periodical, and editor of Annuities Today. I don't know much about annuities, but I can always make it UP. 'How are you doing?' says Suze, coming into the room with a bowl of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.

'Fine,' I say, trying to raise a smile. 'I'll get there.'.

Suze takes a mouthful of cornflakes and eyes me thoughtfully.

'What have you got planned for today?'

298