ISLAM IN AMERICA
Restoring Dignity Muslim divorcées and widows are entitled to dignity and respect BY SAMAN QURAESHI
THE FOUNDERS: (Left to right): (the late) Iman Al Shingeiti, Dr. Ilham Altalib, Margaret Farchtchi, and Mariam Azimi
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ivorced and widowed Muslimahs, a growing group within our community, continue to face stigma, confusion and lack of support, not to mention community-imposed isolation. In 2014, a group of Northern Virginia women leaders, social workers and activists — Dr. Ilham Altalib, (the late) Iman Al Shingeiti, Margaret Farchtchi and Mariam Azimi — decided to confront these negative attitudes head on by establishing the Ikram Foundation (www.ikramus.org), a 501(c)3 nonprofit that supports and empowers these women through education. Believing that well-educated women empower themselves, their children and their communities, Ikram helps legally divorced Muslimahs develop their educational plans and goals. All applicants go through a screening and interview process as regards their marital and citizenship status, educational background, income assessment, personal references, an acceptance letter from an accredited university or institute or vocational program, and their short- and long-term educational goals.
In addition to providing educational grants, the foundation also invests in quality programs that help families understand healthy relationships and Shari’a-based conflict resolution procedures. Executive Director Azimi, a divorcée with four children, said that the stigma of divorce will continue until the community
THE REALITY IS THAT STAYING IN A BAD MARRIAGE IS NOT AN ISLAMIC PRINCIPLE.
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leaders’ attitudes change. Due to her own life experiences, she was very concerned with how these women were re-creating their lives and their identity. “Many women have been shamed or chided to try harder ... The reality is that staying in a bad marriage is not an Islamic principle. There needs to be a shift in the perception ... [for often] a divorced woman has gone through enough hardship to recognize that divorce is what saved her family...” She cites a typical case: After “Aisha,” 29, left an abusive marriage, her family disowned her and the imam advised her to think about how her divorce would affect the children. A stay-at-home mother, she speaks very little English and had migrated here with only a high school diploma. To become self-sufficient, she first needs to work on her language skills and then enroll in a technical or college program. “Unfortunately,” Azimi remarked, “there is no support structure in place for women in need. When the mothers are in limbo and going through a hard time, the children suffer. ... supporting women and children in our own communities must [become] a priority.” One of Ikram’s programs is a detailed study of conflict resolution within the Shari’a’s framework and understanding how it can help preserve the family. The foundation hosts professionals and educators who are doing cutting-edge research in their fields. To date, it has hosted conflict-resolution workshops focused on blended families, interfaith families and in-laws, as well as seminars on well-being. It has also utilized Daring Way™, a highly experiential curriculum based on the work of Dr. Brené Brown — a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work — who studies vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame. Upon learning of Ikram and its activities, “Sameen,” a 28-year-old divorcée, proclaimed: “For me to see an organization that is recognizing me as a person, ... that is going to support women in my circumstance was amazing. When I attended the first accomplishments lunch ceremony I was in awe of all these beautiful [divorcées] ... now in universities or taking skills training courses, re-creating their lives and who are role models in every sense. ... [who were] affirming their support for women like me.” ih Saman Quraeshi is program director of Ikram and a freelance writer.