Greetings from the Gulf

The S.S.S. isn’t here just to blow a lot of smoke

By John Morton

of a Facebook page of shame where you can post pics of people puffing away on Siesta. I still like this passive-aggressive idea.

Yet you must be comfortable with engaging in a bit of namecalling. “Yo, butthead!” will be how you address our enemy. It’s in the manual.

Stomping out beach smoking may not be easy – especially in flip-flops – but we can do it!

Meanwhile, since we are already policing our prized beaches, we need to confront these dopey diggers who are leaving giant holes in the sand. They are ankle busters for us and graveyards for the sea turtles.

Oh, get this – the recent phenomenon of digging as deep as you can and photographing your pathetic paleontology has been traced to some moronic TikTok challenge.

(Author’s note: I just learned that the TikTok crap that shows up on your phone is directly associated with your algorithms. Lordy, do I need to get to church!)

Then there are those annoying electric bikes that still illegally blast down our beach. That sunset tour still thrives, and our local sheriff’s substation sergeant says he has yet to catch the participants doing anything illegal. He’s even conducted secret surveillance, but says they are always pedaling when viewed.

Put your phone on video and document this activity. I can’t think of better evidence than a grinning octogenarian, pedaling once or twice every 100 feet, cruising along at 25 mph. It’s something I see all the time.

Finally, if we are going to talk the talk we must walk the walk. A beach cleanup is set for June 8 (see details on page 4) and another for the morning after the Fourth of July. These outings will reinforce our mission when we see the hundreds of cigarettes mixed into our quartz paradise. And a reminder: Debris of the non-tobacco variety is still being sought by the tremendously trashy Dave Skaggs. His truck is at the public beach parking lot Saturday and Sunday mornings, awaiting contributions. What he does with all the junk is amazing – check out his website at davesworldart.com.

(John Morton is managing editor of Siesta Sand.)