Overheard in Newmarket

By ALICE O’BRIEN Churchview Therapies, Millstreet

The following conversation was over-heard in Newmarket lately:

“Hello Mary, you must be so proud of your son John, I heard he got top marks in his recent exams, and is going to become one of the top surgeons in the country, you must be so proud”.

“Ah now Joan, you should try living with him, he’s no prize, he wouldn’t pick up a cup for you!”. So, why do we have such a problem with praise? We hide away from any form of flattery or compliments. And we definitely do not engage in self-praise- sure self-praise is no praise! That concept can also extend to our family- we often subscribe to the never praise your own mentality. It can be hard to praise our own or even accept the praise and compliments of others if it goes against our views- if we are taught to never be ‘boastful’ to never appear ‘smug’- then, even when we do feel proud, even when we want to shout it out, we don’twe even do the opposite. We find ways of deflecting, of being modest, of changing the subject. So, how can we learn to accept praise, either for ourselves or for our loved ones?

Well, we can start by looking at our responses, we don’t have to automatically reply with a putdown to redress the balance. We can accept the compliment with a simple ‘thank you’. We can learn to connect with the feeling associated with our achievements, if we worked hard at something, it’s natural to feel proud. Pride is an emotion, it is ok to feel it.

Also, people giving us praise is just a way of communicating. People will start conversations by pointing out our achievements. Sometimes it is out of respect, sometimes it is out of curiosity but mostly it is well-intended, so we can engage in the conversation.

So, the next time that Mary compliments your son- say ‘thank you- he worked really hard’ and maybe refrain from discussing his house keeping skills.