Discover Duhallow Issue 61

Positivity is good. But reality is better.

By ALICE O’BRIEN Psychiatric Nurse

“Keep smiling, mind-set is everything, it could be worse, think positive to be positive, keep your chin up” - these are all things we tell ourselves when we feel we need a pick-up. They may also be things people tell us when they want to reassure us, or provide support and a listening ear.

Sometimes being positive can cover up reality, can lead us to believe that we can solve any problems that we might have by a simple change of mind-set, leading us to feel deflated when things don’t change. This is because, at times, the problem is exactly that; it’s a problem and it won’t be solved by thinking about positive things.

The concept of toxic positivity is an interesting one - the idea of dismissing negative emotions or distress and replacing them with false positives. When we become uncomfortable with difficult emotions, ignoring them won’t make them go away. Some signs that you are using positivity to cover emotions might include:

• Dismissing feelings that are not comfortable for you.

• Feeling guilt when you do feel uncomfortable emotions.

• Only focusing on the positive aspects of situations.

• Hiding or disguising how you really feel.

So how can you change to a more healthy way of thinking and viewing things? You can start to embrace all feeling - positive or negative - because when we suppress emotions, they usually rebound and last much longer. Total optimism can often do more harm than good. Embrace and face all possibilities. Just because you looked at negative outcomes does not mean they will come true. Pain and discomfort are part of everyday life. It is okay to feel down, to feel anxious, or to feel upset. We can feel these things, but we don’t have to stay feeling them.

Happiness is not compulsory; you are allowed to feel other things.