To Hug or Not To Hug

By ALICE O’BRIEN Alice O’Brien Counselling, Newmarket

If you’ve been watching the TV in the last few weeks, you will have noticed the newest edition to our viewing- The Traitors. A confusing new format of pitting adults against others to win money. One famous scene arose when a traitor was tasked with hugging another player inorder to eliminate them. The player proclaiming “I’m not hugger!!” And it may be true, some people will easily throw their arms around you in an easy embrace that comes natural to them, while others would recoilnot because they don’t like you but because their space is sacred to them. Hugging etiquette is hard to follow.

But, there are some benefits to receiving or giving a hug- hugs can build trust, help a person feel safe, ease feelings of isolation, boost self-esteem and even lower blood pressure. A hug can release the feel good hormones into the body to allow for relaxation and pleasure and foster a huge sense of connection.

There are people who really don’t enjoy hugs. In these cases, a hug has the opposite effect, releasing the stress hormones and causing a high feeling of discomfort. Personal space can be hard to maintain, with a rejected hug causing tension at times, leading to more worry. Hugging etiquette has a few rules. Firstly check for cues as you approach to give a hug- is the person leaning in to embrace or moving away to avoid. If your hug is received, keep an eye on body language, do you notice any tension. Be clear on your own boundaries, if you are not a hugger it is ok to say so, a firm handshake or pat on the back is sufficient. And remember, it’s not personal, it’s the hug that is being rejected, not you. Most importantly of all. If you find yourself on any RTE shows- hug nobody.