Lifelong Comforts

By ALICE O’BRIEN Alice O’Brien Counselling, Newmarket

On an early sunny walk this week, while walking in the park, Bruno and I came upon a bunny, sitting on a bench, reflecting on the passing river. A stuffed bunny of course, with floppy ears, obviously forgotten by his family and patiently waiting to be reunited. I imagined the scene when the reality dawned that Bunny was still in the park, the crying child and the frazzled parent trying to reassure and comfort. I wondered if Bunny’s owner had got any sleep without their comforter, the soothing effects of Bunny sadly missed. So, why do we create attachments to comforters? And, wouldn’t it be nice to remain in the child-like state of being comforted by a stuffed Bunny and not a glass of wine or a bar of chocolate. The main reason children form attachments to such items it because they become associated with safety, stability and warmth, particularly during times of stress or separation. The comforter, in this case the Bunny, can act as a stand in for the care-giver during times when self-soothing is needed like bedtime or school time.

As adults we often retina these kind of attachment to objects, for emotional regulation, for coping skills or even for nostalgia. Common objects that adults can become attach to include, clothing, like a favourite hoodie, books and journals, especially if they are gifted. Items like jewellery and photos also create strong attachments due to the comfort they bring.

There are a few obvious differences between adults and children when it comes to forming attachments to objects. Children seek comfort, whereas adults seek nostalgia. Children are not fully aware of why they are attached to the object, they just know it feels good, but adults are aware of the emotions. In short, children use objects top build emotional resilience, adults use objects to preserve emotional meaning.

As for the Bunny, he was not on his bench that evening, so we will hope he was returned safe to his family after his overnight adventure.