Volume 41 Issue 27 by The Communicator

Body -Conscious Fashion PAGE 8

Spring Fling PAGE 9

E Women’s Softball PAGE 4

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Vol. 41 Issue 27

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FETAL MATTERS

The Communicator | April 20, 2011

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news

SBR Returns to Campus

Kelly McLendon

Photo Courtesy of Mitch Colagrosi The group Students for Bio-Ethical Reform was on campus again on Monday. The students were found in front of Walb Student Union, holding up signs and talking to passing students. The signs had bloody pictures of fetuses on them, with the word ‘CHOICE’ in capital white lettering. Only a small group of students participated in the exhibit, with the goal of raising awareness and responsiveness to abortion. “Our goal is to raise awareness about moral areas where we feel our society is morally bankrupt,” Joshua Bertsch, a freshman Philosophy and Political Science major said. Bertsch said abortion is, “something society shouldn’t tolerate,” and cited statistics on how many abortions are performed each year. The student group was last seen in local news when they held the Genocide Awareness Project display near the Science Mall in November 2010. At that time, a student was arrested for attempting to dismantle the project’s exhibit. On Monday, as the students held up their signs in the forty degree overcast weather, Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs Dr. George McClellan looked on at the exhibit from afar. Campus Police also had an officer in his truck on the scene, monitoring the event. Students for Bio-Ethical Reform President Jamie Beer, who is a junior majoring in English, described the exhibit as, “showing abortion for what it is. They are disturbing and graphic [images]. It’s because abortion is disturbing and graphic.” Beer said the students would hold their signs for a couple of hours and not the entire day. Rebekah Bertsch, another student who was holding up a bloody fetus sign, willingly gave her opinion of it. “It’s a human being,” she said. “It’s a person. Although less developed than the rest of us, it’s still valuable.” Students for Bio-Ethical Reform fights against abortion. The regional office for the group, The Center for Bio-Ethical Reform, is located in Columbus, Ohio. According to the Guttmacher Institute, “nearly half of [all] pregnan-

cies among American women are unintended, and four in 10 of these are terminated by abortion.” tion.”

Additionally, “twenty-two percent of all pregnancies end in aborWhile the images and subject matter are upsetting to many students,

the Center for Bio-Ethical Reform does not lead violent protests. “CBR

condemns all abortion related violence and will not associate with groups

or individuals who fail to condemn such violence,” the group said, on their website, www.abortionNO.org.

DOP: 04/18/2011

H2O - Help and Health to Others IPFW Peer Educators Present

JAM CRAM II Stress Busters WEDNESDAY, April 27, 2011 WALB UNION BALLROOM 10:00 a.m.—2:00 p.m. Activities and Strategies

On How to DE-STRESS Stressed Out? IPFW/Parkview Student Assistance Program can help. SAP is located in 113 Walb Student Union Open M— F 8:00 a.m.—4:30 p.m. Call 260-266-8060 or 1-800-721-8809 http://ipfw.edu/counseling/

STRESS BUSTERS FREE SALSA and CHIPS Make a STRESS Ball Vitamin T HUGS Coloring Books Jigsaw Puzzles Play Dough RELAX with Us !!! See you on Wednesday FREE HUGS

IPFW is an Equal Opportunity/Equal Access University

The Communicator | April 20, 2011

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news&politics

weather

rundown

Wednesday 52° / 32°

Thursday 51° / 39°

Friday 54° / 48°

Saturday 57° / 45°

Sunday 57° / 48°

Monday 61° / 48°

Tuesday 67° /53°

Behavioral Intervention Team Observes Disturbed Students

Colin McCallister

Though it hasn’t been talked about in the news lately, some people will still remember the massacre at Tucson, Arizona as well as the 2007 shooting at Virginia Tech. In both cases, college kids were the gunmen. The Behavioral Intervention Team (BIT) was established about 30 years ago by Ursula Dellworth in order to help prevent tragedies like those from occurring. About four years ago, IPFW adopted its own Behavioral Intervention Team to benefit “the disturbed and the disturbing” and the students around them. “Their goals are to support the success of students and the institution

through helping to assure that incidents of student behavior are explored and address. Balancing the care for that student with the care for the community,” Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs George McClellan said. The BIT receives information and tips from students, faculty and the like who show their concern for a troubled student. Based on the information they gather, they discuss these individual cases and decide if the case needs to be observed by means of contacting the people who have a relationship with the students with possible mental issues to ask that student some questions, or if the case can be dismissed. “You have a core group of people and they meet on a regular basis. If

Happy Easter from . . .

The hero lives in the end.

they don’t have any cases to talk about, they review what’s out there: articles, strategies, therapies or interventions that seem to have promise,” McClellan said. The BIT does have limits as to how far they can go to help a student with mental health problems. For instance, “they can’t talk about a person’s medial record. That’s a privileged place,” McClellan said. Another area of privacy students have is their lives they lead off campus. “We don’t control your life when you’re off campus, but we care about you as a person and we believe that your success at school is informed by your success at home. If you’re not healthy or happy, it’s going to affect how you do at campus,” McClellan said.

Campus Ministry 2011 Easter Ad

Ben Gates History/Campus Ministry

Larrie Stoffer ITS

Nate Kitrush Athletics

Laurie Atz Chi Alpha

Janet Papiernik Accounting and Finance

Ruth Petitti University Relations and Communications

Nick Johnson IVCF/GCF

Barbara Romines Visual and Performing Arts David Kistler ITS Dianna Zook Mathematics Jeff Schmidt ITS

Judy Maus Accounting Services John Parkison Grounds, Retired Kris Ohneck Admissions

Martha Martin Continuing Education Nancy Mann Dental Education Phyllis Agness Education

But he dies in the middle. At his crucifixion, not even Jesus’ closest followers would have called him a hero. The man they thought was the Messiah was being executed. End of hopes. End of dream. But then something happened. Three days later, his body was not in its burial tomb. That night, he physically appeared to his disciples. He showed them all of the Scriptures that foretold that he would die for the forgiveness of sins and then rise from the dead. Jesus is the hero we needed...the Savior who offers us eternal life and a chance to know God personally. To know more, see the feature article BEYOND BLIND FAITH at EveryStudent.com.

“Thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (I Corinthians 15:57)

Nevertheless, situations like a student contemplating suicide are serious cases that the BIT feels the need to address. “We have a moral obligation to know that person is well enough to be at school. We need a professional opinion to see if you are an eminent threat to yourself or others,” McClellan said. The BIT serves both the individual and the community and some of their purposes include helping and addressing individual mental health needs and promoting awareness among the community about behavioral health problems. The BIT exists so that tragedies like the ones at Tucson and Virginia Tech can be avoided.

Bobbi Shadle University Relations and Communications Shawna Squibb Bursar’s Office

Solomon Isiorho Geosciences

Susan Humphrey Admissions

William Weakley Mathematical Sciences

Ed Messal Mechanical Engineering Technology, Emeritus Jen Hess Accounting Services Jayla Heller Economics

John Kessler Economics

Laura Reynolds Education

Nancy Leinbach Registrar’s Office Roy Danielian Admissions

Jay Thayer Development Office

Thomas Kaough English and Linguistics Jeffrey Nowak Education

Ron Burkart Police and Safety, Retired Mary Cooper Dental Education John Hrehov Fine Arts

Terry Foss Communication

Melissa Cormany Campus Ministry

Mike Gibson The Newman Group Arnie Ball Men’s Volleyball

Bob Kostrubanic ITS Deb Haley Library Jim Beard Education Jo Anna Rice Medical Education Center Karen Parkison Library

Kent Kauffman Accounting and Finance

Mark Franke Enrollment Management Mary Anne Stailey ITS

Rhonda Meriwether Mastodon Advising Center

Sheila McFarland Mathematical Sciences Susan Byers Doermer School of Business Carol Isaacs Admissions

Cecilia Weakley Mathematical Sciences Lowene Stipp Medical Education

Dianne Bezdon Comptroller’s Office, Retired Patricia Garrett ITS Marge Kimble Chemistry

Dave Reynolds Comptroller’s Office Dawn Miller English

Dennis Shadle Physics

Julie Hook General Studies

Patrick Garvey Education Don Linn Chemistry

Ron Clark Athletics

Deb Hein Continuing Studies Deb Kelley Library

Judy Tillapaugh IPFW Wellness/ Fitness Coordinator Bruce Burdick Operations

The Communicator | April 20, 2011

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sports

Dons Dominate Against Century Courtenay Dibble

The IPFW softball team continues its impressive streak. This past Saturday the Dons had no problem in sweeping Century with a 10 to 2 victory. This victory allows the softball team improves their overall season to 23-10-1 and 13-5 in the Summit League, which allows them to move to first place in the league. As soon as the game started the Dons began to dominate. IPFWs Sarah Swanson hit a one-out single, and stole second base. She later ran to home plate on a double play thanks to batter Courtney Cronin. In the third inning the Dons continued their dominance. With bases loaded due to a hit and two Photo Courtesy: gomastodons.com walks the Dons were able run, with this the Dons had a 6-0 lead. to increase their lead thanks to a hit by Centenary was able to score twice Cronin and a run by Rachel Staschuk. at the end of the fifth inning. However, They were followed by Swanson who the Dons did not let up their aggressive was able to score as well, due to a misoffence. Dons Staschuk was able to hit take by Century’s second baseman. another home run in the sixth inning During the fourth inning Dons making it 7-2. Brittany Kachur was able to create a play The seventh inning was all IPFW, in order to help teammate Cassie Wolfe as they were able score with three runs; score. After this play Staschuk hit a home the eight point came from Cronin who

What You Missed Aside from College Football Bowl Season, this could be considered “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” Major League Baseball is getting settled in. The NBA playoffs have started. The NHL playoffs have started. Sunday evenings are now better because Tiger is back in the hunt. The NFL draft is coming around- and even though it looks as if there may not be an actual NFL season, the young guys still want to get drafted. The weather doesn’t make you want to lose your mind- as much as it had all winter. If you hadn’t been bothered by the weather up to this point, then you probably were built for a hockey rink- or at least you could probably appreciate a good hockey game. Honestly, who doesn’t enjoy hard hitting, screaming fans, and the occasional punch to the face? Maybe now you tune in. The NHL playoffs, just like the NBA playoffs, just seem faster. There’s no getting around it. Of course, nobody thinks that professional basketball players actually try during the regular season. Right, like you could stand thirty feet from an eighteen inch hoop ten feet in the air and throw a ball nine inches in diameter through it. Consistently. You also probably can’t skate. Appreciate the best athletes in the world. After all, one of those incredible athletes, Lloy Ball, a four-time Olympian and gold medal winner in Men’s Volleyball, played at IPFW. Plus, its bucket loads of fun. Logan Pea

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was able to hit a home run. The ninth point was on an Audrey Mintari sacrifice fly , which allowed Dons Sara Hopwood make it to home base. The final point came when Kachur reached on a fielder’s choice which allowed Ashleigh Bousquet to score. IPFW managed seven hits in 27 bats for the game. Meanwhile, Staschuk was 2-for-4, with three runs. Cronin was

2-for-5 with three RBI’s. She also pitched her way to her second win of the series, striking out seven batters and scattering four hits. Swanson had her 33ed stolen base. This allows her to tie it with the school record. The Softball Dons will be back in action April 23ed as they will take on University of Valparaiso, in Valparaiso.

The Communicator | April 20, 2011

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opinion Why College Feels Like a Scam Kelly McLendon

“If you go to college, you’ll get a good job.” I grew up hearing that from teachers, guidance counselors and my parents. But, I’ll let you in on a secret that occurred to me when I’m now about three weeks away from graduating: it’s not true. Or at least it doesn’t seem to be so far. Looking for a job is a full-time job in itself. It’s one that requires patience and dedication. I’ve been actively looking for my first after-college “real job,” since March. I have sent resumes locally and out of state. I have received very few responses and have only had a handful of interviews. Bottom line: the job market sucks right now. We all know that, of course. But have we been prepared for it? I don’t think so. Everybody always says if you go to college and get a degree, you’ll be done and a job will be waiting. For a very small majority of people, there will be a job waiting. That’s what they don’t tell you. Likely, you don’t fall into that one percent.

Preston Plays: Gears of War 3

Last week the “Gears of War 3” beta began for a select few, however it begins for the general public this week. A quick rundown: there are four maps with three game types. Each map and type offers enough variety so they don’t feel stale. After playing about 10 matches of team deathmatch, “Call of Duty” may have a serious contender. It delivers what gamers expect but changes just enough to make it feel new. Beyond the fun time, players can also look forward to unlocking items for the full game by completing various tasks in beta. People who bought “Bulletstorm Epic Edition” can start April 18 while those who pre-ordered “Gears of War 3,” releasing Sept. 20, 2011, can start the chainsaw madness April 25. If you’re a fan of competitive multi-player games, definitely look into this revamped one. The beta ends May 15. Preston Patillo

Photo Courtesy of gearsofwar3info.com

I can’t help but feel dissatisfied with my education. Don’t get me wrong; I had a wonderful experience as a student here at IPFW and it’s also where I’m going to continue my graduate studies. I don’t mean that at all. What I do mean is that I feel like I’ve been mislead. I feel like the types of local jobs that are available to me right now are the same ones I could have gotten even if I didn’t go to college. That’s why I feel like the big push for attending college is misleading. While I might feel mislead, The National Association of Colleges and Employers says I shouldn’t. They just reported that, “the first hiring projections made for the Class of 2011 in the JobOutlook 2011 Fall Preview showed a planned increase in hiring of 13.5 percent for this year’s crop of new graduates.” So in actuality, Photo Courtesy of upstreamdownstream.org according to their data, employers do plan to hire more new graduates. Where are they? Not here, in Fort Wayne, that’s for sure.

Arts&Entertainment

Music Movies

The Communicator | April 20, 2011

6-7

Theater

Your Highness: A Medieval Stoner Comedy

Merriam-Webster defines a philtrum as “the vertical groove on the median line of the upper lip.”

Photo Courtesy: Movie-List.com

Philtrum

They’re terribly hard to draw. Some of them are pierced. Some have thick hair while others barely grow any. They’re usually touched when motioning to be quiet. Sometimes, they’re touched when thinking real hard. They’re philtrums.

devin Sevin

Playlist Devin Middleton

Arctic Monkeys - Don't Sit Down The song starts off slow and turns into a solid jam. The lyrics are really goofy. Alex talks about Kung foo fighting on roller skates and doing the Macarena in the devil’s lair. Even the title itself is a bit silly. Still, it’s incredibly catchy and commanding

Santigold -Go ft. Karen O (Yeah Yeah Yeahs) What a comeback. She just got signed to Jay-Z’s label and now she’s making songs with Karen O. I love the way she mixes rap style beats with a pop aesthetic. Karen O gives her signature singing when the beat slows down into a short ballad right before it picks back up.

Balkan - Troubled and Done These guys are kind of like garage rock, mixed with punk and indie. They sound a bit like The Strokes and The Walkmen. Basically, they’re pretty good. Only real problem is that it becomes a bit repetitive toward the end..

Wale - 100 Hunnit ft. Meek Mill More soul samples here. Cam and Vado rap about their relationship problems, in hilarious fashion as usual. This song should probably only be listened to by men - I would really be embarrassed to be the women they are talking about. “Your Highness” picks up right where “Pineapple Express” left off. Crude, Jon Garner vulgar and hilarious are all words that perfectly describe this film. Director David Gordon Green is beginning to find his niche in the comedy genre with these stoner action comedies, but therein lies the problem: Green’s films are not typical comedies, but are specialized for a select fan base. Danny McBride, who heavily carries “Your Highness” in his starring role, also has a very selective sense of humor. It’s the story of two brothers, the noble brother Fabious (James Franco) and the lazy brother Thadeous (McBride). The two, along with Thadeous’ servant Courtney, must go on a journey to rescue Fabious’ bride Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) who has been kidnapped by the evil wizard Leezar (Justin Theroux).

UPCOMING EVENTS

WEDNESDAY April 20 Guitar Studio Showcase 7:30 p.m. in Rhinehart. IPFW students free, adults $6, seniors $5 and non-IPFW students $3.

THURSDAY April 21

Symphonic Wind Ensembles and Campus Symphonic Band 7:30-9 p.m. in Auer Performance Hall. IPFW students free, adults $6, seniors $5 and non-IPFW students $3. Music at the Dash-In 7 p.m., Dan Heath and the “Rat Pack Trio.” $3-5 cover

McKenzie Eddy - Rosebud ft. Nicole Wray

Along the way, the trio faces off against a five-headed monster, the Minotaur, and attempt to befriend the beautiful yet vicious Isabel (Natalie Portman). For a film billed as a comedy, the action sequences are actually very well done, even if the story is really out there. “Your Highness” is a very enjoyable film; however some of the acting leaves it a little dull. The lack of use of Deschanel is a head-scratcher. Her acting abilities were not used properly and any actress could have played her role. Franco also seems to phone in his performance. No one seemingly tried very hard to fit the time period the film is set it, but Franco especially appeared as though he was just doing the movie for a paycheck. Portman gave the finest performance in the film - she actually attempted to fit the time period and it showed. If you aren’t a fan of crude humor or McBride, this film is probably not up your alley, but if you are, “Your Highness” is a hit.

FRIDAY

Friday, April 22

Guest Artist Recital featuring Baruch Meir, Caroline Hartig & Bongshin Ko 7:30-9 p.m. in Rhinehart. IPFW students free, adults $6, seniors $5 and non-IPFW students $3. King Lear 8-10 p.m. in Williams Theater. IPFW students free, $14 adults, $12 staff/faculty/alumni, $10 for groups of 10 or more, $5 students 18 or under, $10 non-IPFW students with ID and children under six not admitted. Music at the Dash-In 9 p.m., Colin Boyd Quartet. $3-5 cover.

SATURDAY April 23

Music at Firefly Coffee House 6-7:30 p.m., Anthony Garr. No cover. Music at the Dash-In 9 p.m., The Unguarded. $3-5 cover. King Lear 8-10 p.m. See previous details.

SUNDAY April 24 King Lear 2-4 p.m. See previous details.

Eddy and Wray tackle a bluesy track with their soulful singing. They trade verses before harmonizing on the chorus. The lyrics are very poetic and each metaphor hits right on.

Fabolous - Look at Her (You be Killin Em Pt. 2) Ne-Yo & Ryan Leslie cx

MONDAY April 25 Community Orchestra and IPFW Combined Choirs 7:30-9 p.m. in Auer Performance Hall. IPFW students free, adults $6, seniors $5 and non-IPFW students $3.

TUESDAY April 26

Ongoing Events

Fort Wayne Area Community Band Concert 7:30-9:30 p.m. in Rhinehart. IPFW students free, adults $5, seniors $4 and children under six $2.

IPFW Senior Visual Communication & Design (VCD) Showcase At the downtown Allen County Public Library in the Krull gallery. 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. Mon-Thurs., 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Fri-Sat., 12 p.m. to 5 p.m. Sun. Through May 6. Free admission.

Fabolous makes a soulful remix of his current hit. The synth is raised to a higher note making it sound much bigger and brighter. Ne-Yo does a great job on the chorus, and proves himself to be a great new addition. Leslie only comes in for a bit to handle a bridge but it’s nice to see these many talented artists together.

Unouomedude - Frequency Fuzzy guitars and airy vocals make the song. The swinger reminds me a bit of Panda Bear. This is definitely a summertime theme song, complete with youth approved catchiness that you can’t help being drawn to.

Arts&Entertainment

Music Movies

The Communicator | April 20, 2011

6-7

Theater

Your Highness: A Medieval Stoner Comedy

Merriam-Webster defines a philtrum as “the vertical groove on the median line of the upper lip.”

Photo Courtesy: Movie-List.com

Philtrum

devin Sevin

Playlist Devin Middleton

UPCOMING EVENTS

WEDNESDAY April 20 Guitar Studio Showcase 7:30 p.m. in Rhinehart. IPFW students free, adults $6, seniors $5 and non-IPFW students $3.

THURSDAY April 21

McKenzie Eddy - Rosebud ft. Nicole Wray

FRIDAY

Friday, April 22

SATURDAY April 23

Music at Firefly Coffee House 6-7:30 p.m., Anthony Garr. No cover. Music at the Dash-In 9 p.m., The Unguarded. $3-5 cover. King Lear 8-10 p.m. See previous details.

SUNDAY April 24 King Lear 2-4 p.m. See previous details.

Eddy and Wray tackle a bluesy track with their soulful singing. They trade verses before harmonizing on the chorus. The lyrics are very poetic and each metaphor hits right on.

Fabolous - Look at Her (You be Killin Em Pt. 2) Ne-Yo & Ryan Leslie cx

MONDAY April 25 Community Orchestra and IPFW Combined Choirs 7:30-9 p.m. in Auer Performance Hall. IPFW students free, adults $6, seniors $5 and non-IPFW students $3.

TUESDAY April 26

Ongoing Events

Fort Wayne Area Community Band Concert 7:30-9:30 p.m. in Rhinehart. IPFW students free, adults $5, seniors $4 and children under six $2.

The Communicator | April 20, 2011

www.ipfwcommunicator.org

student issues

Body-Conscious Fashion Are You Brave Enough?

From the runways dresses -the body-con dresses that have the to the red carpet, ability to turn up the heat in any room. That the night clubs really tight little number that looks like a and even the everyday lives of fashionistas 6-inch-wide fabric wrapped around you so worldwide, a particular trend seems to have tightly that you wonder if you can even walk woven itself into our wardrobe overnight. For properly. Worn by the likes of Leona Lewis, those who thought skinny jeans were as tight Blake Lively, Victoria Beckham and a slew of as it gets: think again. other celebrities, the Body-con is bandage dress easily just what the name became the it-dress. “A style of clothing, mostly suggests: a style of One might clothing, mostly referring to a type of dress that wonder why so referring to a type of is really tight and has absolutely many girls love dress that is really tight to wear this trend. no mercy...” and has absolutely It may come as no mercy when it a shock to find comes to hiding or out that the body downplaying the fact conscious dress that you haven’t been to the gym recently. doesn’t require a perfect hourglass shape. It Anything from block-colored dresses to doesn’t require Ana Kournikova’s abs and floral print skirts, you will now easily find Beyonce’s legs. In fact, it’s designed in a way the body-con clothes in almost every store, that it accentuates curves in all the right places which was not the case three years ago. and it creates the hourglass figure even in those In fall 2008, Hervé Léger evoked gasps who don’t have it. It’s the kind of piece you can and awes by presenting the bandage dress to wear to a party, cocktail or even the red carpet. the world. And in the fashion world, he might It’s a fun look and it’ll surely turn as well have invented the light bulb, since the a few heads in a most positive way. With first thing that pops in your head when you those things in mind, what’s a little thing like hear body-con, conscious or bandage is Léger. learning not to breathe to stop you? Léger is the pioneer of bandage Selena Jankulovska

Photo Courtesy of: ladylux.com

Q: How Do I Stop My Emotional Eating?

A:Emotions like anger, anxiety, disappointment, fear and excitement can trigger the desire for extra foods. According to studies, 75 percent of overeating is caused by emotions. This time of year can be especially tough. There are more thoughts and feeling to cope with due to end of the semester project deadlines, preparing for exams, higher gas prices, unknown summer plans and other things. If we are conditioned to handle feelings with food, this is what we do. It doesn’t allow us to think about what caused the emotion and how it could be more healthfully addressed. To stop emotional eating, stop and think about what caused the emotion, become more aware of thoughts, identify the feelings and then challenge yourself to not handle the moment with food. Choose to cope in a new and more body-beneficial way. Within the minutes, hours and stressors of each day choose not to abuse yourself with food and instead take care of yourself. With repetition and some practice, a day-by-day change can generate little positive spins and make each day a little brighter. Instead of handeling emotions with food, choose one of these quick fixes:

Photo Courtesy of: froodee.com

•

Talk with a friend for 10 minutes

•

Take 10 deep breaths

•

Take a 10 minute walk

•

Do a relaxation exercise for 10 minutes

•

Write out thoughts and feelings for 10 minutes

•

Play with a pet for 10 minutes

•

For 10 minutes, listen to music

•

Pray and/or meditate for 10 minutes

• Read something positive or funny for 10 minutes Written by: Judy Tillapaugh, RD, IPFW Health & Wellness

The Communicator | April 20, 2011

student issues

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Spring Fling 2011

Marcus Demery

Students line up and take advantage of free food and ice cream during Spring Fling 2011.

The Communicator April 20, 2011

A&E/Fake News

www.ipfwcommunicator.org

Quidditch to be Played in London Olympics

the recognized sports category as well as the sports that will be played during summer 2012. Aside from moving tug-of-ward, chess and bridge to the Olympics sports, they will also be adding chess boxing to the recognized sports category. “We felt that it was time for chess to be recognized as an Olympic Sport, and we look forward to seeing chess boxing take its place,” said Rogge. Chess boxing, the latest addition, combines now two Olympic sports: chess and boxing. Alternating between playing a chess game and rounds in the ring, the players must be both mentally and physically in excellent shape in order to survive this brutal sport. But chess boxing doesn’t get nearly as brutal as quidditch, as those who have read the Harry Potter books know. J.K. Rowling tweeted on Sunday, April 8, “Amazing news to share! Quidditch will be in the Olympics! Go Victor Krum!” Rogge, in his statement, had no choice but to confirm what she had already revealed to the public. “Rowling envisioned this magical world and made our London and extraordinary place,” he spoke avidly. “She has become such an important person in our lives that we simply had to include quidditch in the Olympics. We have great hopes for this new British sport.” Loyal fans are asking questions about the play - they Photo Courtesy of craftser.com worry that any sort of “real-life quidditch” would not do “the real quidditch” justice. However, sources from the Selena Jankulovska We can expect the Olympics next year to be as Olympic Park Legacy Company, the organization responsible for the development exciting as ever, as London prepares for the biggest of Olympic Park, hint at a new technology developed by NASA, as special event yet. The International Olympic Committee (IOC) gave us one more reason to look forward to the games: a last minute decision to recognize the sport, quidditch, gravitational field that will enable the quidditch players - and their brooms and balls - to fly. as a special addition to the London Olympics. The IOC remains tight-lipped on any further details regarding the mystery The announcement came Wednesday, April 14, by the president of the IOC, surrounding quidditch, but satellite photos reveal something that looks like a Jacques Rogge. In a press conference, he announced that changes will be made in quidditch pitch being raised in the north side of the Olympic Park.

FAKE NEWS

Walmart Gets its Groove Back Bringing Style Back into Shopping For many years, in “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition,” the of life. The American way of life.” people in the United creators of “Hyper Store Makeover” are reaching Changes have already been put into place States have benefited from the low prices and out to boost the self-esteem of superstores like to revamp the stores. Customers can now look at expansive array of products available at Walmart Walmart which have been given a bad rap. their frozen food showcased in jet black freezers stores. Though the franchise has not stopped “It’s our turn to give back, you know?” with track lighting. The international foods aisle expanding - with over 4,000 stores nationwide said host Ty Pennington in an interview scheduled has the struggling oriental grocery down the street - documentaries and news reports filing for bankruptcy. And now, not only have spread the word of the harm that can one shop for groceries and household such large superstores have on the appliances, customers with failing health “Walmart customers might have already-emaciated economy. With the will, for a ridiculously competitive price, majority of Walmart products being benefit from the all new Organ Transplant noticed the switch: No more are the made in China, and the fact that they’ve Center. floors stained and sticky, nor the put countless smaller business out to Walmart representatives refused to pasture, the nation - especially the shelves unorganized and the staff is no comment on the source of the organs. younger generation - has become more “A few years ago, when Walmarts were longer unhelpful and openly hostile.” wary of spending money there. in bad shape, I could adequately feel like Walmart customers might have crap when I stood there,” said one happy noticed the switch: No more are the woman in Fort Wayne, IN. “Now they have floors stained and sticky, nor the shelves flat screens at the end of every aisle with unorganized and the staff is no longer unhelpful between teeth whitening, hair highlighting and gorgeous people advertising soap or tires!” and openly hostile. tanning sessions. “Think about all that stores Will the smokescreen of a new look At a press conference last week, Walmart like Walmart have done for us over the years. and feel be enough to convince the hipsters and revealed it was the first franchise to take part Providing a place for high school kids to hang tree-huggers to go back to Walmart? Tune in to in a new reality show called “Extreme Hyper out after 10 p.m., a place where the produce is “Extreme Hyper Store Makeover” to find out. Store Makeover.” Moving on from creating always fresh if you’re willing to dig around the Coming this fall on ABC. Fake News emotionally-shallow, plastic faced monsters bin a little. Where else can you pick up potted with the original “Extreme Makeover” and plants, pregnancy tests and guns in one place? The content of the A&E Fake News Section is meant as entertainment and is in no way true. Any resemblance tossing away the idea of helping poor families “Walmart is something we can be proud to actual news content is purely coincidental and does by building them excessively pimped out homes of - a real asset to our instant-gratification way

Lindsay Sprunger

not represent the viewpoints or opinions, of ISPN Inc. or The Communicator.

The Communicator | April 20, 2011

www.ipfwcommunicator.org

Fake News

Zombie Obituaries

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Photo Courtesy of ashtoberfest.com Terri Woodall, 20, of Hartford City, was ambushed by four living dead on her way back to her apartment in student housing April 10. Woodall, a freshman, was studying veterinary technology at IPFW but is now likely taking lessons from “Pet Cemetery.” She said, through gurgles and grunts, that she seeks to feed off of any living creature from here on out.

Mark Green, 22, of Crawfordsville, was the original zombie’s first victim. He was unaware of his fiancée’s virus until he arrived on campus to fight for his life. True love extends past beating hearts, though, and Mark diligently fought against a population he once belonged to with his leading lady.

Jacob Slone, 23, of Garrett, was a meal for his zombie girlfriend April 8. Outside William’s Theatre, Slone’s mere human body was tired, and he failed to notice his girlfriend’s obvious virus. IPFW will mourn his loss, though it would’ve been felt anyway because he was just about to graduate. Regardless Jacob will zombie stagger to a diploma.

Ryan Karaff-Waelbroeck, 20, of La Porte, said in his last Facebook status update that he was leaving student housing for a mission. Ryan had forgotten that the living-dead could also utilize social media Web sites, and had zombie Mark Green waiting for him outside his door. Ryan took his virus with stride, and soon climbed the zombie leader board with a total of 10 kills.

Austin Gray, 21, of Columbia City, tragically became a flesh-eater after his attention on one zombie by Helmke Library distracted him from the other approaching from behind. Austin was coincidentally a zombie movie fan, though he always imagined himself more of a “Shaun of the Dead” than Shaun’s laughably-turned sidekick.

Andrew Jones, 20, of Fort Wayne, got turned because a zombie had two feet outside a building when he tagged Andrew. The now-infected Andrew didn’t remember that unsafe rule until after the virus was running through his veins. Andrew, who played guitar, bass and alto sax, is now experienced enough to create a zombie movie soundtrack. Fake News

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Barbie Throws in PC Towel The Barbie doll has been a staple in children’s toy boxes for over 50 years. After the climax point of the feminist movement during the 1970s, the original idea of who Barbie was as a woman was called into question. All of the sudden, the doll was given all sorts of career opportunities, they were being made in every race and in the move to try to make Barbie catch up with the 21st century, Mattel had her body refigured to simulate proportions that are actually physically possible for the human form, and had her dump her longtime boyfriend, Ken. However, the constantly morphing identity of Barbie, as a result of Mattel scrambling to keep up with the pressure and responsibility of being the doll of Lindsay Sprunger

choice for American girls, seems to have taken a toll on the Barbie designers. Mattel released a statement yesterday claiming they are finished with being politically correct and take the road more easily traveled. “The Barbie brand will now be directed toward mass appeal,” said Taya Michaelson, chief spokesperson for Mattel. “The days of trying to please everyone is no longer financially viable and in economic times like these, things like ethics and image no longer hold as much sway as they used to.” A whole new line of dolls will be hitting the stores starting next holiday shopping season and already they’re drawing attention and raising a few eyebrows. Among the new line are Teen

Pregnancy Barbie, Cougar Barbie and Obesity Barbie. The highest in demand already, according to pre-order numbers, is the muchanticipated Rehab Starlet Barbie. The doll will come with an alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet, a diamond studded flask, a ring that flips open to store cocaine and a mini Blackberry for tweeting. Creators have declined any resemblance to Lindsay Lohan or Brittany Spears. The description on the box reads “She binge drinks! She parties! She steals! And she never spends more than 36 hours behind bars!” The new dolls are sure to cause enough of a stir to increase Mattel’s sales as the self-esteem and priorities of America’s children sweeps devastatingly off a cliff. Fake News

Photo Courtesy of Flickr via Deborah Leigh

The Communicator | April 20, 2011

www.ipfwcommunicator.org