S EX s p o n s o r e d b y s p a e x c e s s
ASK THE SEX GEEK — with Andrea Zanin
“I really like anal sex, specifically being on the receiving end. But I don’t like cleaning myself out with an enema beforehand. The idea of filling myself up with water is really creepy, and when I tried it once, I hated the sensation. Is there any other way to clean out? Like maybe some sort of really gentle bottle brush?” Vic →
When you watch anal-sex porn, unless the focus is scat play, all the
towel. And — gasp! — some of them have anal sex anyway.
porn stars seem to have absolutely
So you don’t like enemas. No big-
squeaky-clean buttholes. It’s as if
gie. Please do not scrape a dry brush
their manicured little rosebuds had
of any kind against your tender anal
never even heard of a turd! But let’s
walls! That’ll hurt, and create small
recall that these are the same peo-
tears which make you more vulner-
ple whose tits levitate, whose skin
able to STIs.
never shows a tan line, and whose
Instead, approach this from the
body hair often grows in miracu-
inside out. See a naturopath to
lously geometric shapes, when it
assess your diet and digestion.
grows at all, which it often doesn’t
They’ll ask you a million questions
(bears excepted of course).
about what you eat and what your
Beyond porn, I understand that
poop is like. Take their advice; after
for some people, poop is such a
a few weeks, you’ll probably feel like
giant turn-off that they take every
a million bucks, and your dumps
possible measure to ensure that it
will be firm, relatively un-messy,
doesn’t appear during sex, some-
and regular as clockwork. (If a natu-
times
ropath feels like too much work, the
through
wildly
extensive
preparation rituals.
quick fix is to quit dairy, hydrate,
Listen, I’m all for cleaning out if
and eat more high-fibre vegetables.)
that makes you feel more comfort-
Then, when you want to take it up
able. As long as you don’t do it so
the ass, time it well and a good wipe
often that it interferes with your
or a quick shower should suffice.
body’s natural excretion processes,
Another key element? Pick tops
knock yourself out. But sometimes
who aren’t super squeamish, and
I wonder if all that flushing is an
let them know you don’t douche.
anxious attempt to control what’s
A condom will protect them from
essentially a messy reality. Our
coming into direct contact with your
bodies don’t always obey. Our flu-
feces; if there’s a little mess on the
ids leak out at the wrong moments
end after your get-down, all they
sometimes.
smells
need to do is use a few tissues when
other than soap and cologne. C’est
removing the condom, and wash
la vie.
their hands. For lots of folks, this is
We
produce
And honestly? For basic butt sex,
plenty clean enough.
an enema-induced level of cleanliness is not actually necessary. In real life, people’s rectums aren’t always as clean as a freshly laundered bath
ANDREA ZANIN The Sex Geek blogs at sexgeek.wordpress.com.
416.391.0400 | www.chairmanmills.com