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INSIDER 09.12.16 | VOL. 19 | ISSUE 12

STUDENT MAGAZINE

Independence Day Gaala By Heimo & Klaani

All About Star Wars  The Music of Star Wars  Blinded by the Lightsaber Recipe  Idiot-proof Christmas Cookies

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Reviews Kero Kero Bonito: Bonito Generation NAILS: You Will Never Be One Of Us Bon Iver: 22, A Million SciFi: Arrival Movies coming out in December

EDITORIAL STAFF

M ai La n Le

Gra

aF i l u

Ro o p e S o r v o

elizitas Weyra

li i n a N i e m

S u vi K a r ell

R ic h

Sara

a r d M c G r at

h Ro s e n t h a

S et a r

e h N o u rz

y s o n Le if H e fl

Karo

Insider Student Magazine South-Eastern University of Applied Sciences Paraatikenttä 7 45100 Kouvola

Editor in chief: Hugh Clack INSIDER ISSN 1457-1587

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EDITORIAL

It’s Christmas time!

It’s that time of the year again, 2016 is almost over and the best part of it is yet to come – Christmas!

Christmas is all about love, family and happiness. It doesn’t matter what we eat, where we are, or what presents we get, as long as holidays are spent with loved ones and with peace in our hearts and in our minds. For those of you who are spending their first Christmas in Finland, I hope that it snows, because when it does snow during the Christmas time, it looks so magical. And if it doesn’t snow, then it won’t look so magical, but it still looks nice. Did you know that you can actually visit Santa Claus in Finland? I mean it’s good to

make the list of all the presents you want for Christmas, but if you haven’t been as nice as possible during this year, then he might not bring you any gift. So, you know where to find him if that happens ;)! Remember to enjoy your holidays, eat all that chocolate and spend quality time with the loved ones. Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad! Joyeux Noël! Frohe Weihnachten! Glædelig Jul! Hyvää joulua! Kellemes karácsonyi ünnepeket! Buon Natale! God Jul! Chuć Mưǹg Giańg Sinh!

Seti

INDEPENDENCE DAY GAALA BY HEIMO & KLAANI

Finland’s history can be divided into 3 most important parts; the Swedish period until 1809, the Russian period starting from 1809 until 1917, and the most important part – the independent period from 1917 to the present day. And since we recently had the Finland’s Independence Day, we want to share a bit of Finnish history and the traditions of this day with all of you. It all started when on December 6, 1917, the Parliament approved the declaration of independence drawn by the Senate under the leadership of P.E. Svinhufvud. Around the same time, the relationship between the parties of the left and the right had become so irreconcilable that at the end of January 1918 the left-wing parties staged a coup and the government was forced to leave Helsinki. The Civil War ended in May with victory of the government troops and Finland become a republic in the summer of 1919 and K.J. Ståhlberg was elected the first president. Finland’s Independence Day is a national holiday, and the main point of that day is to remember the struggles Finland had to go through to become independent and all the veterans who sacrificed their lives for us to have this freedom that we have now in Finland. This day has many different kind of traditions, but the most

common one is the Presidential Independence Day reception, which is held for approximately 2000 invited guests at the Presidential Palace. This event is called Linnanjuhlat in Finnish, and in English it is “The Castle Ball”. And this event is broadcast on national television and almost every Finnish family gathers together to watch this on every December 6th. The guests of the Independence Day reception are people who receive invitations every year, including the knights of the Mannerheim Cross, members of the government and the Parliament of Finland, archbishops, judges, high military and police officers, and various diplomats and dignitaries. The President can also invite some guests of his/her own choosing, for example entertainers, activists, sportspersons or anyone who has been on the spotlight over the past year for doing something great. The first presidential ball was organized in 1919, and the event has been organized almost every year since then. The arrival of the guests is shown on the TV and each guest shakes hand with the President and his wife, and usually people from home work as unofficial dress judges, and discuss every guest and their dresses. I know a lot of Finnish people do this, and it’s fun, without that the spirit of Independence Day is missing ;)! 

The annual gala by Heimo and Klanni was on Monday the 5th of December in the Officers club. The evening was a great evening for all who attended it. Everyone was dress up all women wore long gowns and the men wore a suit. It was great to see all making such a great effort. There was two big surprise that was planned for the evening and the first surprise of the evening was Hanni got the staff member of the year and the best thing was when she got up to thank everyone the first thing she said was Oh #### Kiitos, which is Hanni and the second surprise was the fireworks at the end of the evening. The only problem was the ice on the ground going up to see the fireworks everyone was slipping because if everyone’s shoes. When the fireworks where finished the after party was in alula. This is where everyone became students again. I would like to thank all the people involved in creating a great evening for all who attended. The menu for the evening was not the normal December event menu which everyone was happy about, we did not have anything form the Christmas menu that you normal see at all the events in December. I have to say that the roast beef and salmon was nice and the salads which were different each salad had some different melon in it, the main course was chicken in a red wine sauce with wedges which was nice to have. The desert was Blueberry & white chocolate cake which everyone wanted more of but did not get more because it was all gone. The funniest thing was everyone wanted to talk selfies but did not know if they should until they where told to take one. The band which played easy jazz was nice because they had no singer, just drums and piano which was nice. They did play a few songs that everyone knew but may not have heard play only with drums and piano. Also the organizers had set up a photo booth for everyone to get a nice photo of themselves and date all dressed up which was a great idea because there was a que to get for the photos. I think everyone had a good time, next years gala will be bigger as Finland turns 100 which is a very big for all who call Finland home. The Insider staff had the difficult task of picking up the best dressing girl and the boy. After hours of secretly judging the outfits (and avoiding to look like a pervert), the staff finally

made their final decision. For our pleasure the invitees, Silja Summanen and Tuomas Ukkonen, had some time to for us to answer few questions about their great outfits. Silja Summanen has been studying graphic design for three years. However, this is her first time in Heimo’s annual Independence Day Gala. “I joined Kupla this year and after that I have got to know the other students who are actively involved with the school events”, Silja explains. “Henni Leikas and Annika Leppänen asked me to design the posters for this event, which is why I was invited to join the Gala for free.” Not only the posters looked great, but also Insider Magazine thought that Silja’s dress was one of the prettiest in the event. Silja told that after she ditched the original dress she had, she asked her boyfriend’s mother to make the dress for her. “Originally, I had another dress. However, I felt like it was a bit boring and I wanted to wear something else. My boyfriend told me that his mother is able to make a dress for me and that it wouldn’t be too difficult”, Silja tells. The dress fits Silja perfectly as it was made specifically for her. She got to choose the fabric together with her boyfriend’s mother: “We travelled to Lahti and ended up buying the fabric from Eurokangas as they had the perfect fabric for the dress.” One of the best things about her dress is that it is so relaxed. “Because the dress is so laidback and it is made from the scratch for me, I can eat whatever I want and not worry about the dress”, Silja explains. Insider staff asked Silja, what her plan is for the actual Independence Day. “I am going to Sillis, a herring-breakfast, which is originally a tradition from the universities. After a big party we gather around to have breakfast together and enjoy each other’s company. After that I’ll probably just watch the annual Independence Day gala and eat something good.” Tuomas Ukkonen, is taking part of the Independence Day Gala for the second time. This year Tuomas is an invitee as he is representing Kupla. “This year the whole event has been more laidback, which is great. The organisers have trusted that the formality of the celebration still comes across even though the gala a more relaxed”, Tuomas says.

Tuomas is studying to become a designer stylist. You could clearly see his knowledge about fashion based on his amazing outfit. He says that picking up the suit was less stressful this year. “This jacket was the only one I actually had already hanging in my closet. So it was easy to build my outfit around this piece”, Tuomas tells. All of the pieces from his outfit are secondhand. For example the jacket used to belong to his friend and the shoes are from a secondhand shop.

Tuomas also had a clear plan for the actual Independence Day “Tomorrow morning I will visit my family and we will bake some gingerbreads together. After that we will gather around with my classmates to watch the Independence Day gala. This year there is actually a dress that one of my classmates made for the event”, he tells. Insider staff is thankful for the opportunity to join this great event.

Silja Summanen

Tuomas Ukkonen

Text by Karoliina Niemi, Setareh Nourzad & Richard McGrath Photos by Meri Ketonen & Lauri Sillanpää

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IDIOT-PROOF CHRISTMAS COOKIES 

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By Suvi Karell

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Christmas is just around the corner, now it is already so close you can almost feel it! It is actually so close that in order to have everything ready we can make some parts of the preparations a little bit easier. The dough is once again ready-to-bake and you’ll find it in stores from the freezer, just like the dough for Joulutorttu. You could of course, make the dough from scratch your self, but especially with the examinations coming up, there is probably no interest or time to do it.

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What you do: 1. Take the dough sheet and set it to the table, let it melt for 1530 minutes. 2. As soon as the dough is easy to mold, start rolling it out with the rolling pin. 3. If it seems like the dough is sticking on the table, spread wheat flour in it to make it loosen. 4. Roll the dough until it is around 2 mm thick. 5. Press patterns into the dough with different shaped molds (or instead be creative and shape them with for instance a knife). 6. Carefully move the “cookies” to the oven tray that is covered with baking paper. 7. Bake in the middle oven rack in 200 degrees for 5-7 minutes. Remember that cookies burn very easily, so stay alert at all times. It’s a matter of life and death, you know. 8. After baked, let the cookies cool down and after that start decorating them with the ready made sugar frosting, decorate them to your taste and voilà, they are ready!

 What you need: • cookie dough sheets • ready made sugar frosting • anything you want to decorate the cookies with (candy etc.) • wheat flour  • oven tray and baking paper • rolling pin

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Have a nice holiday!

THE MUSIC OF

STAR WARS By Roope Sorvo Let’s get this out of the way: I do not really care about Star Wars. I do like them, or to be clear, some of them, but that is all. They hold no special place in my heart, nor do I really excitedly wait for the following episodes. Or, even better, spin-off sequels: clearly you did such a bang-up job with the previous prequels that another one just had to happen. However, if there’s one place where even the subpar installments shine, it’s John Williams’ film score.

THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY The original Star Wars trilogy contains some of the most iconic pieces of music in the history of cinema. Practically everyone recognizes the triumphant main theme and the oppressive Imperial March. Hell, “Cantina Band” was a Billboard #1 Hit in 1977 (Fun Fact: the official in-universe name of the genre of music “Cantina Band” represents is “jizz”. No, really.) However, due to the style of John Williams, a lot of the music doesn’t really evoke the feeling of ‘space’ or ‘science fiction’. Nothing in the soundscape places the score in a galaxy far, far away. Maybe Williams just went for the general feeling of ‘adventure’; if so, his mission was successful, and netted him an Academy Award for “A New Hope”, and nominations for the two sequels.

THE PREQUEL TRILOGY Episodes I, II and III of Star Wars usually do not receive much love or many kind words. However, if there’s something the trilogy shines on, it’s its music. Or rather, the music is still on par with the originals, while the rest of the movies clearly are not. This kind of makes the music of the films stand out even

more. Williams returned to score the prequels, cleverly borrowing from his own work: “Anakin’s Theme”, while mostly hopeful and calm, every now and then borrows a quick sting from “Imperial Theme”, giving the track an ominous undertone. If something could be said is that some of the climactic battle music relies a bit too much on bombastic choirs, drowning out anything else. Curiously, Williams was not nominated for Academy Award for his work on any of the prequel movies, probably by association. Can’t say I really blame the Academy for that one.

THE FORCE AWAKENS The seventh episode in the Star Wars saga was rather well received by both critics and the fans. Once again, Williams returned to score the film, reworking his old themes and borrowing elements to much lesser extent than with the prequels. Tracks like “Rey’s Theme” and “March of the Resistance” stand entirely on their own in the many, many hours of orchestral music heard in the Star Wars movies. If I had one gripe with the score, it is that most of the actionoriented and tense tracks seem to rely a bit too much on the fast-paced, seesawing strings. John Williams’ score was nominated for The Force Awakens, confirming my suspects that even if you make good music for a bad movie. 84-year-old Williams will be composing the score for Episode VIII as well, and probably will do the same for Episode IX, provided he doesn’t die before that.

BLINDED BY THE

LIGHTSABER

“There’s very few other franchises I can think of where if I dislike it I’m practically expected to write a detailed analytical essay on why I don’t like it because fans simply can’t handle somebody disliking it...And even then be told my opinion is still wrong and that I need to rewatch/play/read/whatever again.” - anonymous user comment on Youtube.com

EPISODE IV

EPISODE V

Star Wars is a film franchise conceived by George Lucas in the late 70s. It is regarded by many as the greatest work of filmography to date, and the sales figures back up that claim. I could just explain what happens in each movie, but most people already know that. I could gloat about how amazing each and every moment is, but that would be too cliché. Instead I will be giving you a more cynical view on these movies. I will tell you about the confusing pacing, the bad acting and horrendous directing. I will explain to you how most of the story is lifted from previous works of art. How the entire franchise was made to sell merchandise, and much more. Star Wars is like the vast omnipotence of space, and I am about to poke star-shaped holes throughout that entire cozy blanket.

The bloodline in Star Wars starts from Shmi Skywalker. Shmi is impregnated by a slew of intelligent microscopic life forms known as midi-chlorians. According to Star Wars lore, one who has these life forms within their cells is able to detect and use the force. Shmi Skywalker, Anakin’s mother, is therefore being compared to the Virgin Mary, and in turn Anakin is portrayed as a Jesus-figure. The bible speaks of a child being born unto a virgin, and like Shmi says “He has no father.”

Much of Star Wars is derived from past works of visual art. Samurais from “The Hidden Fortress”, a 1958 movie by Akira Kurosawa, have been transformed into Jedis for the sake of plot. Many stories before had the theme of a master teaching his apprentice. There are references from the 1939 film “The Wizard of Oz” scattered throughout: The lion, represented by Han Solo, the tin man, represented by C-3PO, the scarecrow being R2-D2, and Dorothy being represented by Luke. More recently, the big Voldemort-esque villain in “The Force Awakens” known as Snoke, is akin to the Wizard in “The Wizard of Oz”. One of the more prominent influences however is “Flash Gordon”. Lucas used the title crawl gimmick from these movie serials. Cloud city in “The Empire Strikes Back” is also lifted with an identical name and similar implementation.

Anakin is often referred to as “The Chosen One” yet he is one of the main catalysts to the downfall of the Rebel Alliance. Ironically though without him, Luke Skywalker would not have been born and Darth Vader would not have been destroyed, along with the Empire. When the facts are actually analyzed, the two droids, C-3PO and R2-D2 are the only characters to appear in all of the movies so far. Are they the true main characters? Are they the chosen ones? As it turns out, the dynamic between these two are some of the funniest points in the movies. C-3PO is a proper gentleman and R2-D2 is so vulgar that his entire dialogue consists of beeps and boops. What has been said is only implied through C-3PO’s responses. When Anakin meets Padmé they instantly are infatuated. “Love at first sight” may be a common trope in movie narratives but does it really belong here? They have no reason for

liking each other, other than being in the same room, at the same time. Consequently they have a worse love story than Twilight. Their chemistry is like chowing down on some rotting cardboard and saying it was satisfying, something only someone suffering from pica would enjoy. Romance is a driving factor to keep the audience engaged, but when the central engagement makes the viewer decide between falling asleep or jumping off a roof, it needs some fine-tuning. For a sensual dinner they split a meal of fresh fruits with a fork and knife, because why fall for the convenience of hands? To get her feeling extra-tropical, he gives her the rundown on his perception of sand. He describes it as rough and irritating. She takes the bait and jumps on his pulsating lightsaber. Ironically, she dies of a broken heart. A long time ahead in a galaxy that is very much the same, Luke and Leia Skywalker are born as the children of Padmé. Technically they are also the kindred offspring of Anakin “Darth Vader” Skywalker, but by this point he is merely a robot with the voice of a black man, and the appearance of a white man, but in a black suit. The voice is contributed by James Earl Jones but once his mask is removed, the actor miraculously changes into Sebastian Shaw.

EPISODE VI A common rule of video is to “show, not tell”. Lucasfilms fails to comply with this decree by explaining some great war or cataclysmic fight which happened in the past. With the visual art of cinema, the sky is the limit, or in the case of Star Wars, the stars are limit. Why eat up such vast amounts of screen time on politics and trade discussions? People do not watch Star Wars for the talking. They watch it for the sword/saber fights in conjunction with blasters. It is a movie series where one brings a sword to a gunfight and often wins because of that choice. It is a world in which intergalactic space battles happen in full surround sound and we get lost in a fantasy. Lucas has an annoying tendency to kill off the most vivid characters in the universe. Darth Maul took the world by storm with his devilish red skin and horn-strewn skull. His face revealed the first sense of fear within the audience after an entirely too long first half of the movie. The double-sided

lightsaber was a complete game changer and led to one of the most intense battles in the either of the trilogies. A character with such little screen time and so little dialogue was able to take on a highly-skilled Jedi knight and his loyal apprentice, without skipping a beat. Sadly though, Darth Maul was chopped in half and fell down a bottomless pit - a recurring motif to be seen again. Even though the most epic character was killed off right away, he was at least given a visceral death. Qui-Gon Jin on the other hand, was murdered through a stab in the gut - not very impressive. Speaking of something that was epic but was dropped out of the blue, podracing - The sport of driving a self-built vehicle slightly above ground at viciously high speeds takes place on planets such as Malastare, Theron, and Tatooine. Podracing was a brutal deathmatch between rivals to get to the finish line first. People may bring up the Nascar reference but at least in podracing, they know how to turn right and their vehicles are not plastered with various gaudy advertising. Strangely though, after the first movie, podracing is never mentioned again and with no explanation as to why. Jar Jar Binks was a truly divisive character which started the whole hate train on the prequels. When a character is annoying they seem to stick around much longer than the ones who we actually want to remain on screen. Jar Jar is a clumsy oaf who has a certain way of speaking which a group of people actually deemed racist for a long time. His dumb luck actually ends up gaining him military prowess in the Gungan army and eventually he is given a political post. Most of the blame for the Emperor taking power can be placed squarely on Jar Jar. Then again, it was Queen Amidala who appointed Jar Jar as her proxy and she voted Palpatine into power, so the blame can even be aimed at her.

EPISODE I Lucas and possibly now J. J. Abrams seem to have a fetish with amputations, although in an interview Lucas claimed it was just because “That is what happens when you play with swords.” There are actually lists compiled across the web documenting how many limbs have been dismembered. Darth Maul loses both legs at the end of episode one. In episode two Zam Wesell loses her right arm, Acklay loses two legs, and Anakin loses his right arm. In episode three, Count Dooku

loses both hands, General Grievous loses two hands, Mace Windu loses his right hand and Anakin loses his left arm and both legs. In episode four C-3PO loses his left arm, and Ponda Baba loses his right arm. In episode five Wampa loses his right arm, C-3PO loses all limbs, and Luke loses his right hand. Finally, in episode six Vader loses his right hand again. There are many Jedi and Sith powers and tricks presaged within the epic that is the massive Star Wars franchise. Some of the cooler powers harnessed by the Sith are emitting sharp electrical beams at their despicable enemies with enough force to make them slowly drop to the floor upon which they stand. When Luke is electrified by the emperor in Return of the Jedi, he cries out in anguish but ultimately shows not but a scratch from the turmoil. If you are Samuel L. Jackson however, these beams may burn and kill you, so watch out. The force push is another tactic employed by many a force-user. It thrusts the opponent backwards so they lose their footing and become disgruntled. While this is also another epic technique, it is extremely underutilized. In the most recent movie, “The Force Awakens”, Kylo Ren has a few run-ins with some opposing forces (excuse the pun). Both Rey and Finn get into squabbles with him and he can easily win these duels by just pushing or throwing them with the force, but he decides to prolong these fights and ends up losing both. To be fair though, he does hold a blaster shot in midair, so he does play the awesome card occasionally. The most cliché Jedi power is the oh-so-famous “mind trick”. This is a feat performed by Obi-Wan Kenobi in episode four. The “mind trick” turns an unwilling subject into a puppet for the master Jedi. Obi-Wan is stopped by a storm trooper when he is trying to get through a restricted area. The storm trooper asks to examine the droids Ben Kenobi is carrying (C-3PO and R2-D2). Ben says “these are not the droids you are looking for”. The trooper repeats the same words and lets him pass. Granted this is a cool trick but it only works on two subjects throughout the entire chronology.

EPISODE II Chronology is just a loose word to describe the series however, as the ordering has been severely crippled throughout the past 30-plus years. The first movie to be

released was called “Star Wars”. When George Lucas decided to expand the movie into a trilogy, he retroactively renamed it to “Episode 4 - A New Hope”. The next two movies, “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Return of the Jedi” were logically named episodes 5 and 6. The meat of the sticky situation which really starts debates throughout the fan base is the next three movies that were released: Episode 1 - “The Phantom Menace”, episode 2 “Attack of the Clones”, and episode 3 “Revenge of the Sith”. Now when people say “the first Star Wars,” they have to follow up with “not episode one.” After the prequel trilogy was finished, the ownership of the franchise shifted away from George Lucas and Lucasfilm over to Disney. Disney has since released episode 7 “The Force Awakens” and will soon be releasing “Rouge One” - a movie which takes place between episodes 3 and 4, making it episode 3.5. The fans generally shovel much hate upon the shoulders of the prequels as if they were created by Donald Trump, a menacing orange puss-filled sore which represents the worst of the mindset of the general populous of the United States of America. Why the hate though? Sure they were filmed almost entirely in front of a green screen but they were made by the same person who created such a “legendary” series. Georgey boy was responsible for the original trilogy and the prequel trilogy. If you like one then does it really make sense to hate the other? It has been revealed over the years that Lucas had a sizeable amount of help when developing the first (episode four) film, but once he was considered a prodigy he was given a gold throne and considered to have the Midas touch. His team no longer questioned his bizarre choices in awkward, vomit inducing directing - telling the actors to say their lines as if they were dead inside. They did not tell him it was a bad idea to focus more on politics and less on action. They did not implore him to cede his march towards an ever-increasing reliance upon computer generated models. Therefore it is really difficult to put the blame on Lucas when he was just doing the same thing as he had before. He was just the emperor in “The Emperor’s New Clothes”. A tale by Hans Christian Andersen in which two weavers knit a suit which is “invisible to those who are unfit or incompetent.” In the end he walks out completely naked in front of his subjects and struts his stuff because everyone tells him that his garments are majestic beyond belief.

EPISODE III When Disney took over and released “The Force Awakens” they had the task of bringing people back into favour of the Star Wars franchise. On the plus side, the film was shot with a huge majority being live-action and CG being in the background and for effects. It lead to a more tangible and believable experience. Unfortunately the movie relied too heavily upon the nostalgia glasses of the movie-goers. It told a strikingly similar story to the one told in episode four, but without an massive ship explosion. The ship explosions are saved for episodes 1, 2, 3, 4, and 6. It is almost as predictable as a Harry Potter book which ends with a fight with a form of Voldemort. The nostalgia is centered around returning characters. Han Solo, Chewbacca, Leia Skywalker, and in the end, Luke Skywalker all make an appearance. While I revel in the sight of their return, I would rather they actually have a role in the movie. Han shows up to die, Chewy shows up to not save Han, Leia shows up to... look like she’s in charge while not actually contributing and finally, Luke shows up to stare at the screen. Disney bestowed upon J.J. Abrams a massive task when told to continue what had been started by George Lucas many years ago. Let’s be honest here though, they were in it for the money. Star Wars is insanely profitable and only continues to rake in the cash. It’s not just the movies that bring in the money though, it is the books, shows, videogames, toys and other merchandise which are the big whales. People will pay $20 extra for a plain white t-shirt just because it has a Star Wars character on it. Kids will buy Star Wars backpacks and lunchboxes for their first days of school. Adults will buy bed sheets and Halloween costumes to parade their lifelong love for the series. Men even started having fantasies about their girlfriends or wives in gold bikinis after seeing Leia sporting one in “Return of the Jedi”. The action figures from the 70s and 80s in mint condition still command some hefty price tags. Last but not least, the Ewoks. Clearly these soft-cuddly creatures were made to resemble teddy bears. Why buy a teddy bear for your child when you can buy them an Ewok? Age is a very peculiar aspect in the Star Wars universe. The progression between Anakin and Padmé raises a few questions. When they meet, there appears to be a 10 year age gap, though actual numbers may vary. By the time they pass through puberty, they seem to have

caught up to each other. So one question the skeptic might conjure would be - “What kind of steroids or growth hormones did he take?”, “Is that some pedophilia on the silver screen?”, or “Why did she fall for such a whiny brat?” Another example of age running amok is role of Ben “Obi-Wan” Kenobi. In episode one he is a teenager. Episode two shows him as an early adult and episode three...a slightly older adult. There is nothing wrong with this logic until the jump to the fourth episode. In this movie Obi-Wan looks to be in his late 60s. Sure time has passed between the two movies, but in episode three, Luke is born. In episode four, he is a teenager. Explanations are not something George Lucas does very well on-screen. This is saved mostly for the “Expanded Universe”, however, in 2014 Lucasfilm declared this “Expanded Universe” to be non-canon.

EPISODE VII The writing and direction leads much to be desired. There is very little dialogue which can actually be considered thought provoking and artistically-crafted. Some golden examples are as follows: “The Dark Side of the Force is the pathway to many abilities some consider to be… Unnatural.” “It’s a trap!” “There’s always a bigger fish.” “Good Anakin. Good. Kill him. Kill him now.” “General Grievous, you’re shorter than I expected.” “Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan. Now that’s a name I have not heard in a long time. A long time.” “Laugh it up, Fuzz ball.” And of the most famous of all: “Luke, I am your father.” In summation, Star Wars may be loved by many and hated by just as many. I like to think of myself as a middle ground. I definitely do not love it, but I will go see the new iteration each time one is sent to theaters. Let this article not be a diction of disgust but rather a lesson to think twice. Be critical and thoroughly analyze when you are sitting in the cinema. Lastly, when your higher-up hears that you are being critical of a film franchise he holds dear to his heart and assigns you a very long article assignment in revenge, just smile and write away. In the words of Barney Stinson of HIMYM say “Challenge accepted!”.

Text by Grayson Leif Heflin Photo credits: www.IMDB.com

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(SOME OF THE)

MUSIC HIGHLIGHTS OF By Rooope Sorvo

Since there are only so much records I can talk about a year, I wanted to devote this little segment to highlight some of the wonderful albums that I didn’t have time (or space) to talk about in previous issues.

KERO KERO BONITO BONITO GENERATION

Genre: Electropop // Producer: Kero Kero Bonito Release Date: October 21, 2016

Is pop music just too somber and depressing these days? Do you need a safe haven from all the brooding and angst of Nick Cave, Leonard Cohen, and David Bowie? Look no further than Kero Kero Bonito’s second full-length album. Bonito Generation is packed with chipper electropop tunes full of lush keyboards, irresistible melodies and cartoony sound effects. “Try Me” literally lists things that Perry can do, “Break” is just a song about not doing anything, and “Heard A Song” is about hearing a song in the radio, not catching its name, and being stuck with an unidentifiable earworm for the rest of the day. One would think lyrics so straightforward and childlike would be bad thing, but it’s incredibly refreshing to have words that actually mean something instead of just meaningless words about relationships and feelings, just there to fill a mental checkbox because instrumentals don’t sell. Bonito Generation is a sugar high of an album, perfect for helping you through the darkest months of the year.

NAILS

YOU WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US Genre: Grindcore // Producer: Kurt Ballou Release Date: June 17, 2016

On the other end of the pop music spectrum we have a punk subgenre called powerviolence. I’m usually averse of the term “brutal” when applied to metal music - not because I don’t like it, but because most often it comes up in a flamewar of two elitist metalheads in a YouTube video. But when it

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comes to the third album of NAILS, I cannot really put it in any other words: You Will Never Be One Of Us is the angriest record of the year. Borrowing from hardcore punk and thrash metal, NAILS delivers a collection of minute to minute-anda-half long auditive batteries. With titles like “Life is a Death Sentence”, “Violence is Forever” and “Parasite”, it is clear that the music doesn’t come from a place nice or healthy. You Will Never Be One Of Us is a twenty minute gut punch, made from hurt, to hurt.

BON IVER 22, A MILLION

Genre: Folktronica, Experimental // Producer: Justin Vernon, BJ Burton Release Date: September 30, 2016

Justin Vernon and his troupe have made some heavy stylistic shifts over the years: Their debut album For Emma, Forever Ago was mostly an acoustic, ascetic folk record; the follow up, the critically acclaimed Bon Iver, Bon Iver started expanding the band’s horizons with brass sections, double bass drums and keyboards. The last track of that album, “Beth/ Rest”, was a ballad featuring 80’s synth sounds, electric guitars and autotune. That song seems like a rather important stepping stone in the band’s sound, as now their third album 22, A Million shoves the acoustic guitars in the back, embracing the keyboards and electronic elements, with songs featuring samples, intentional sound glitches and heavily layered vocals, like a robotic a cappella group. Despite the changes, many of the number-themed tracks manage to convey the same heartfelt emotions that Bon Iver, Bon Iver did. 22 A Million might not be the harmonious symphony that their previous album was, but even in its new strange, electronic form Bon Iver manages to be as wistful and somber as ever.

A R R I VA L

MOVIES COMING OUT IN DECEMBER

By Sarah Rosenthal

ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY Following the formation of the Galactic Empire, a rogue band of resistance fighters unite for a daring mission to steal the Death Star plans.

LA LA LAND Tells the story of Mia, an aspiring actress, and Sebastian, a dedicated jazz musician, who are struggling to make ends meet in a city known for crushing hopes and breaking hearts. Set in modern day Los Angeles, this original musical about everyday life explores the joy and pain of pursuing your dreams.

Amy Adams Jeremy Renner Forest Whitaker Directed by Denis Villeneuve // Written by Eric Heisserer (screenplay), Ted Chiang (based on the story “Story of Your Life” written by) // Genre Drama, Mystery, SciFi

A linguist is recruited by the military to assist in translating alien communications. Starting like any other first alien contact movie to date (except maybe Star Trek: First Contact) one or multiple alien spacecraft touch down on earth, humans freak out and start looting their way out of anxiety induced by this potentially world ending event. In this case however the aliens appear to non-hostile but also terrible at communicating despite their much more advanced technology and implied superior intellect. While the movie is visually pleasing with plenty wide shots of Montana’s rather plain landscape it really lacks the ability to build up tension and really capture the audience. Considering that this movie unlike Independence Day or Mars Attacks plays with the idea that alien visiting may not want to destroy earth it still indicates that it might end in apocalypse anyways since humans themselves are just not capable to work together. And that is where the conspiracy theories come in: Do governments around the world know about the existence of alien life and them visiting us and use these movies to slowly get people used to the idea that in order to survive an open alien invasion of whatever kind might be in our future? That would also explain why the aliens visiting earth eventually ended up being the side plot to a love story. I mean it wasn’t too cheesy but still they abused a perfectly fine plot to make it a some life lesson about love and relationships like there are not enough of those already.

PASSENGERS On a routine journey through space to a new home, two passengers, sleeping in suspended animation, are awakened 90 years too early when their ship malfunctions. As Jim and Aurora face living the rest of their lives on board, with every luxury they could ever ask for, they begin to fall for each other, unable to deny their intense attraction...until they discover the ship in grave danger. With the lives of 5000 sleeping passengers at stake, only Jim and Aurora can save them all.

ASSASSIN’S CREED Through a revolutionary technology that unlocks his genetic memories, Callum Lynch experiences the adventures of his ancestor, Aguilar, in 15th Century Spain. Callum discovers he is descended from a mysterious secret society, the Assassins, and amasses incredible knowledge and skills to take on the oppressive and powerful Templar organization in the present day.