To the Children Go the Spoils BALANCE IS ACHIEVED, HOWEVER, BY SHARING WITH THEM THE JOYS OF GIVING
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’m an enabler. I have no one to blame but myself. My kids are overindulged, wantfor-nothing, latest iPhone carrying, Amazon Prime two-day shipping ordering, products of my inability to say “no.” It hit me when I asked my teenagers what they wanted for Christmas and they couldn’t think of anything. Not because they find more joy in giving than receiving. There was no, “Oh, Mother, all I need is this roof over my head, food on the table, warm clothes for the winter, and peace on Earth.” It was blank stares and looks of incredulity that said, “Huh. How about that? I actually own everything that my little heart desires at the ages of 15 and 17.” I’m not going to go so far as to say they’re spoiled or ungrateful. They are appreciative. They know they got it good. It still doesn’t keep them from leaving a $200 longboard in the front yard for a week or just shrugging their shoulders when they don’t know where they left a $60 pair of Rainbow flip-flops. But they did both work jobs this summer and have learned to stop asking for money for things that are indulgences (Starbucks and In-N-Out runs, hanging out at the mall). But let’s just say that there could have been years when someone might
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have run out of room in their closet to hide all the presents they got their kids for Christmas. Or someone might have gone out and bought bigger stockings because Santa couldn’t fit all the stocking stuffers in the old ones. Let’s be honest. It’s my problem, not theirs. When Christmas comes rolling around and I worry again that my kids aren’t developing that hunger, that motivation and drive that can only come from depravation and longing for better, I should be shaking my head at the woman in the mirror instead of them. I’ve let the pendulum swing too far the other way in the name of My Kids Will Have It Better Than I Did. But I like spoiling my kids. Why work so hard if you can’t change your children’s future? So I find other ways to teach my kids gratitude, a desire to make things better— maybe not for you, but for others— and that the spirit of Christmas can be found in the joy of giving. When the kids were young we went through their closets to donate toys and clothes for needy kids before they could bring their Christmas gifts into their rooms, because why have a lot when some have little? We’ve adopted families with kids their age and had them shop for necessity items they realize they’ve taken for granted.
Last year we used Amazon Prime to order gifts for foster youths. Then the whole family helped with the wrapping party where my kids got to see that sometimes all a teen wants is just one pair of Nike Elites, or one warm sweatshirt from their favorite sports team, or an umbrella so they don’t get wet walking to school. So, yeah, my kids are fortunate. But they know it. Yes, I like giving my kids the things I always wanted. Call me an enabler, tell me my kids will survive without Beats by Dre, and remind me that Black Friday
shopping doesn’t have a winner. But don’t make me stop spoiling children. Because whether it’s seeing the excitement on my own child’s face or knowing we brightened another child’s Christmas, the magic of the season is truly in the giving. But if you still want to get me a little something, that’s pretty fun, too. Kelli Wheeler is an author, family columnist and freelance writer. For weekly Momservations or to contact her, go to Momservations.com n