In-Depth Interviews with 5 Young Adults

INTERVIEW

In-Depth Interview with 5 Young Adults

All of the young adults felt sad and frustrated by the words used by their parents, and sometimes would choose to disassociate themselves from them in order to not be verbally abused even further, creating a strain in their relationship.

When asked about what they wish their parents would acknowledge, the majority of participants wish their parents would be more aware of the consequences of their words.

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When asked what form of verbal abuse they received and how often it occurs, participant A said her step mother would call her insults and names from time to time. “Bitch, slut. There will be insults like ‘you are like your mom.’ and screaming.” She expressed. The trigger would be if she is unable to complete household chores, such as laundry.

Participant A cited that as a young child, it really affected her. Hearing these words from someone who is supposed to be a parental figure hurt and it affected her mental health over a period of time.

Participant B answered the question by saying that his parental figure’s verbal abuse was more unintentional. Phrases like “Why aren’t you like your sister” and “pig-head” were often thrown to him while growing up by his father. B expressed that the abuse was due to his parent’s high expectations of him being the eldest son and fulfilling familial duties.

Growing up, these words affected his mental health and self-esteem. He would be self-conscious when meeting new people.

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Participant C’s experience with verbal abuse started when his mother would scold him at the age of 12 to prove her authority as a parent. C remembered when his mom would criticize him for what he was eating. She had to be in control of everything, even the food that was eaten.

Additionally, academic expectations were emphasized and when he didn’t meet his parent’s standards, there would be discouraging words such as: “You’re wasting my school fees.”, “‘Aiya, you’re good for nothing.” and “I pay so much for you. Why not work already?” This affected his mental health while growing up. As a result, C said that he would avoid coming home and would rather play with his friends instead.

For participant D,he was exposed to verbal abuse since he was young. D described his mother as “lost and confused. She was a good person, but not a good mother.”

As a teenager, D role-modeled his mother’s behavior. The anger and rage from his mother attributed to him growing up having a habit to lash out at people, thinking it was common. Things changed for D when he was 18 and he started to self-reflect on his actions. Nowadays, he would rather detach himself from his mother’s behavior. D cited that the verbal abuse decreased as he grew into adulthood, yet it transformed into emotional manipulation. When asked for an example, D said his mom would say words such as: “Oh, so you’re going to go ahead with your decision and you don’t love me anymore?” which made him feel constantly worried.

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Being around his mother was like walking on eggshells according to Participant E. The verbal abuse started when he was young and his academics failed to fulfill his mother’s expectations. E shared the words that struck him the most: ‘‘You’re better not born here.” “Don’t come back.” “You’re a burden.”

There was an instance where he would come home late from playing with his friends and his mother shouting “What do you think you’re treating this home as? You better not come home.” Growing up, these kinds of emotional manipulation were normalized in E’s house. He saw himself as a burden. E attributes the fact that he had struggled with low self-esteem most of his primary school life to the way his mother treated him as a child. He thinks other people are better than he is. “I couldn’t talk to people looking at their eyes, I feel like I’m not qualified to look at them. I’m always looking down.” E expressed that he would resort to selfharm at one point, feeling stifled and restricted at home with his parents constantly verbally abusing him.