6 Habits of People Who Don't Care What Others Think

By Susie Moore

The other day, my friend Jemma called me all upset. Another mom had made a comment about her son’s hair and about her parenting style being too relaxed. (I’m not a mum, but one thing I do know is that you NEVER comment on another mum’s method of child-rearing!) Jemma was reeling. And I was surprised it bothered her this much. I asked, “Why are you so upset about this?”

All she could answer was, “Tom doesn’t need a haircut! What does she know about anything? Nothing, that’s what!”

I knew this probably had nothing to do with Tom. Or his haircut. It was a little power play between two women who were both probably having an off afternoon.

These kinds of comments come at us all the time—from friends, siblings, col- leagues. How do we adopt the mindset and behaviors of people who don’t care so much about what other people do, think, and say? Here are some habits that serve them (that we can nab too):

They focus on their own stuff.

It’s impossible to obsess over what people think about you when you simply don’t follow them on social media. You can’t overanalyze what you don’t know. So, unfollow. Unsubscribe. Disengage. Focus on your own work, bank account, side hustle, family, or body. Your own stuff is all that matters and all that you can control.

They don’t take things personally.

Not taking anything personally is a magical life hack. In his best-selling book, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz says, WHATEVER HAPPENS AROUND YOU, DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY… NOTHING OTHER PEOPLE DO IS BECAUSE OF YOU. IT IS BECAUSE OF THEMSELVES.

If someone’s intentionally snappy or rude, it’s a pure reflection of how they’re feeling in that moment. Think about it: Are you ever mean to anyone when you’re feeling good? I doubt it. Best to give the offending person a pass. It’s massively empowering—and surprisingly simple! Other people’s behavior ain’t got nothin’ to do with you.

They don’t analyze conversations to death.

Early this summer I was at lunch with three girlfriends, and they started analyzing a woman we all know by her Facebook statuses. I tried to change the subject twice before deciding to quietly sip my mimosa and let them go at it.

hidden meanings behind her words. Who cares? We are not the FBI! Decoding what other people say and do is not

our job. It feels icky, and a bit obsessive. There’s plenty of other (interesting, juicy, pleasant) stuff to talk about! fuse to even open the door to the commentary of other people. Sharpen your selective hearing too and decide not

to go there. It’s natural to want to be liked and to seek approval. But it’s not your job to care (or even know about!) what other They shake it off. people think of you. Let other people march to the beat of The more attention we give to anything, the more it ex- their own drum. Just make sure your drum is louder, and pands, energetically speaking. If you march in a way that feels true something is upsetting, switch gears. WHATEVER HAPPENS AROUND YOU, to you. Turn on the TV; call a positive, upbeat DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY… NOTHING friend; or send an overdue thank-you OTHER PEOPLE DO IS BECAUSE OF YOU. IT They say no card. Once you shake something off IS BECAUSE OF THEMSELVES. Martha Beck said, “when it comes icky by focusing on something pleasant, you’ll be glad you did. to saying yes or no – choose the answer that feels like freedom”. BOOM! Wanna know something else, too? People who say no a lot ironically

They tune out.

My mom is 75 this year. She’s quite deaf and is too stubborn to wear a hearing aid. When she sees me and my sisters, she’s totally immune to our squabbling and disagreements. Is there a secret benefit to this? Yes! But you don’t have to wait until you’re 75 to take advantage. You can tune out now—anytime. For example, my friend Sara always finds an appropriate reason to excuse herself from a gossip fest, like saying, “I need to make a quick phone call.” And my former colleague Lauren always loves to make jokes to dissolve tension. A good one recently: “This is nothing compared to the fact I haven’t had sex in six months!” These days, I rarely read comments on social media. I refuse to even open the door to the commentary of other people. Sharpen your selective hearing too and decide not to go there. It’s natural to want to be liked and to seek approval. But it’s not your job to care (or even know about!) what other people think of you. Let other people march to the beat of their own drum. Just make sure your drum is louder, and you march in a way that feels true to you.

They say no

Martha Beck said, “when it comes to saying yes or no – choose the answer that feels like freedom”. BOOM! Wanna know something else, too? People who say no a lot ironically receive more respect from their peers because their time is perceived as more valuable. And they’re super productive, too! Oh, the hours you saved when you learn to say no! ~Susie Moore

Susie Moore is a life coach whose teachings span a global client base and are regularly featured in leading media outlets. Through in-person coaching, online classes and newsletters, she gives clients the tools they need to lead more fulfilling lives and careers.

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