B l c k L o v e

It’s impossible to apply real or digital advice if you don’t know who you are at the most basic level It is essential that you are aware of your core values; the stuff that really matters to you The “you” that maybe no one really knows, or you forgot about Take this moment as a golden opportunity to meet the “you” you were before your family, peers, former lovers and social media coached you into being somebody else. Ask yourself: Who were you before someone told you were unlovable? Too big, too small or not enough to be loved? You’ve fashioned yourself according to everyone else’s requirements for so long your identity is distorted And when you tried to push back and advocate for yourself, your past mistakes were thrown in your face So you began to doubt that you really could make decisions for yourself at all You concluded maybe it’s just better to listen to those who “care” about me In the process of becoming acceptable to all these external forces, you succumbed to the pressure, and allowed your voice to be drowned out along with your identity. “Hey Black Child, do you know who you are? Who you really are?” 2 How do we propagate Black Love winning? By intentionally preparing ourselves to give what we desire and possess what we require You can start by considering these gentle calls to action:

Learn yourself, for real. Self-knowledge activates your ability to hear your voice, authentically Having conversations with yourself by yourself provides space for selfdiscovery After you reintroduce yourself to yourself you will quickly be better equipped to recognize what does not bring you joy. If it doesn’t propel you toward your highest good, your spirit will subsequently reject it.

As an added bonus, your social circle will alter itself, as you consistently emerge selfreliant and self-confident.

Get back to her. Rediscover that girl you left behind or hid so you could survive and avoid getting your heart broken. Apologize to her, forgive her and extend some grace to “little you” that's screaming to be heard Find out what she likes, what turns her on, what makes her eyes sparkle Daydream big, high definition, 3D, vivid fantasies like you did as a child, before adulting and adults forced you to be logical. Replace the soundtrack of unrequited love and heartbreak with mental replays of the love you secretly desire but may be embarrassed or too jaded to admit!

Know your worth. Evaluate all the attributes you possess that make you, you. Create a list of your personal assets to calculate your worth. What’s something you do better than anyone else? Own it!

When you realize the wealth you carry as a unique life force, you'll dismiss time-wasters unapologetically. Softly. Seamlessly. You don’t have to shout or scream. Authority speaks volumes without volume. Like delivering “No” as a complete sentence.

Court yourself Queen. Even if you’re currently in a relationship, slow walk the intimate journey into your core Replace the negative voices of the past with positive affirmations of the present. Talk to her. Compliment her. Woo her. Celebrate the beauty of your bountiful giving spirit, the creativity you possess from the Divine. Your good, your bad, your ugly.

A perfect and complete blend of imperfections deserving to be loved… without explanation. Take yourself out. Dress yourself elegantly. Treat yourself with sensual pleasures. Pursuing yourself with the highest form of care delivers a primer to the world on how to treat you

Prune the dead branches of your damaged emotions, so the living water of love can drench your roots, tips and heart. Face your trauma, minister to your wounds so you’re strong enough to create boundaries to protect you from unanticipated triggers and potential hurt The reward of shedding and shredding will outweigh the risk of this uncomfortable process. You really want love. It’s a basic human need. It's okay to want love and to be loved. Don’t be afraid to receive love. Don't be afraid to give love. Liberally. Luxuriously. It’s in the giving that we receive.

As your thirst for love is quenched, first from within, you won’t feel threatened to give love to others without pretense or anxiety. In the words of the iconic R&B group Earth, Wind & Fire- “you can't give what you never had”. Or in this case, what you had, but may have lost.

2 Perkins (1975)

Cont'd By Kimberly King

I’m convinced this is a season of healing, where givers are finding givers, and real relationships are evolving as restitution for past heartbreak…for those who have done the work. The shadow work. The necessary work of being committed to loving who you are unconditionally and showing up surrendered and assured in every area of your life. Relationships are blooming that are thriving and providing emotional security to couples who have only dreamed about what they are currently experiencing. Isn’t it time for you to win too?

Black begins with loving yourself as you are, where you are. Today. Black love wins when it is rooted in two winners who love themselves at the core. Black love wins when I want for you what I want for me, unashamedly and unselfishly. Black love wins when we play to win together.

B L A C K L O V E W I N S

References

Perkins, Useni Eugene. (1975). Hey Black Child. Still We Rise. (2017). Urban Dictionary. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=black%20love. Accessed 7/30/2023

Terrell, D. (2021) The Power of Black Love According To….21 NInety. Williams, N. (2022). What Healthy Black Love Looks Like. marriage.com