MAKING IT First marriage First marriages have the best chance at success for a variety of reasons. Children are often involved in second marriages, causing additional stress to the couples’ relationship. Also, we aren’t always very good at learning from our mistakes, so we often bring the same “baggage” that contributed to the unsuccessful first marriage to the second (and third, etc.) marriage. The divorce rate for first marriages is between 40 and 50 percent, but is 60-70 percent for second marriages and more than 70 percent for third marriages. Living together Many studies have
been conducted with couples living together either prior to or instead of getting married. Some have shown that couples who cohabit before marriage run a much higher risk of divorce – 40 to 85 percent – than couples who waited until after. Other studies have shown that when premarital cohabitation began after the commitment to get married, there is no greater risk for divorce. Despite the fact that many couples believe that cohabitation is a good way to prepare for marriage, the dynamics and level of commitment change after the wedding.
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Premarital education/counseling
I mentioned at the beginning of this article that there is one simple step couples can take to compensate for any of the above factors. That’s premarital counseling. Good premarital counseling/education is a sort of insurance policy against divorce and can reduce the risk of divorce by up to 30 percent. We will all encounter difficulties in our marriages. When couples take advantage of the positive energy and optimism to strengthen the marriage before it starts, they can avoid some of the negative habits and bad communication patterns that can build up later. Couples who attend premarital courses learn to communicate and solve problems better.
Bea Northcott is a columnist for the Daily Journal, writing about marriages, relationships and family.
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