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Change your mindset, change your life Initiating change can be difficult, but Marilee Adams has identified two states of mind that influence whether our quest for change will be a success.
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ost of us believe that change is hard, even when it’s something we want. Unfortunately, the daunting belief about the inevitable difficulty of change is why so many of us give up, sometimes even before we start. While change can be challenging, the biggest obstacle is simply not knowing how to change, regardless of which kind of change you’re facing. The first kind of change is when you initiate change for something you want; perhaps to make changes in a habit (such as exercising or eating) or in a relationship (either in your personal or professional life). The second kind is when you’re forced into it by people or circumstances outside yourself – for example, when a partner ends your relationship or the company you’re working for downsizes and you’re out of a job. In such cases, you didn’t choose what happened and are probably quite unhappy about it. Yet in both cases, changes are called for. The good news is that change is much easier when you realise that the most powerful place to begin is always the same – with yourself and the mindset you bring to the situation.
Change is all about mindsets
You can easily guess which mindset helps with change and which one hurts, regardless of the kind of change you’re facing. Remember, we all have both mindsets and they can change from moment to moment. The big question to ask yourself is, “Am I in charge of my mindset or is my mindset in charge of me?”
Changing mindsets by changing questions
I’d like to introduce you to two coaching clients, Carla and Fred, who sought coaching for quite different reasons. Carla had tried to initiate a change in her life and failed. Fred had been forced into making changes and was also failing. My work with both of them centred on teaching the impact of their mindsets so they could learn to navigate successful change. Carla wanted to stop being a coach potato and had decided to start a new routine of walking every day. But every time she missed a day, she beat herself up and got so discouraged that she stopped trying at all. She decided to get some coaching and try again, hoping that would make a difference. We discovered that she was asking herself Judger questions such as, “What’s wrong with me?” and “Why can’t I ever be successful?” Fred came for coaching because he had been out of work for months and was 123rf
Every one of us has two basic mindsets: Learner and Judger. While both are part of
our nature and quite normal, they affect us in very different ways. In fact, one of these mindsets creates obstacles to change while the other creates new possibilities. Like the weather, our mindsets shift frequently, but while we can’t change the weather, you can change your mindset. Happily, there are mindset tools that greatly simplify this process. By understanding these two mindsets, you gain the power to observe how they are shaping your mood, thinking and even your actions. This understanding also empowers you to ask yourself ‘switching questions’ for transitioning from one mindset to the other. Let’s begin with the Learner mindset. It is responsive, optimistic, open-minded, curious and creative. When we’re in Learner mode, we typically experience moods of hope and possibility. Our Learner way of being is thoughtful, connected and flexible, which helps us relate to ourselves and others in win-win ways. What about the Judger mindset? At its extreme, this mindset is reactive, pessimistic, close-minded, judgmental and dead-set on being right. When we’re in Judger mode, we typically experience moods of negativity, conflict and stress. The Judger way of being is critical and inflexible. When Judger is in charge, we end up relating to ourselves and others in win-lose ways.
Autumn 2013
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