Lucknowi

Inthesameoil,putinthemarinated chicken. Layersinglefile ifpossible. Spread half the rice on top. Then add the fried onions, the green masala and lime juice. Layer the restofthe rice on top. Nowpourin thecupofoilandgheeifusing.

Cover with teatowel and tighten with lid. Place on a hot iron tawa and cook on medium heat for 30 minutes.

(Alternately, cook in oven. Seal lid with dough. Preheat oven to 180 degrees C before putting your pot in and then reduce heat. Check in 20 minutes.)

• 1kggoatpieces,large(retainbonesand

• Salttotaste somefat)

• 250ml milk

• 4tbspcream Rice.rinsedandsoakedfor15minutes

• 750grams(roughly4cups)FortuneBiryanl

• ½ cupoil

• 2stickscinnamon

• 4-5cloves

• 1medium-sizedonion,sliced

• 4tspginger-garlicpaste

• Redchillipowdertotaste

• S0gyoghurt

• Afewstrandssaffron

• 1tbspkewrawater

Heatoilinheavy-bottomedpanand addcinnamon and cloves. Stiruntil flavours are infused in the oil. Add onion and fry until golden brown. Introduce meat and saute on high flame, stirring constantly. Add ginger-garlic paste and continue to stir. When nicely browned, add red chilli powder, salt and yoghurt. Mix well and let cook for 3-4 more minutes.Thenadd500mlwaterand thekewrawater,stirandthencover and cookuntil meat is beginningto separate from the bones. Turn off heatand coolcompletely.

Theoilwill bynowhave risentothe top, and will be infused with the colour of the spices. Use a deep spoon to siphon offall the excess

• 3-4podsgreencardamom

• 1 tbspghee

• ¼ tspsugar

• 1 tbsprosewater

For Masala Powder: grind together

• 7 pods green cardamom

• 2 tbsp white pepper pods

• 8-10 blades ofmace rice.Cookuntil 75%done,andthen sievethroughacolander. oil - this will be come to use a bit Cover tightly with teatowel or alfoil later. and cook on high for five minutes. Then cookon low heat on top ofa Add milk, cream, saffron and the hot irontawafor20-25 minutes ground masala. Mix well and cover tightlyto incorporate.

Meanwhile,bringoutthesiphonedoff cooking oil and add to it ghee, sugarandrosewater.Mixwell.

Assemble biryani in a heavy bottomed pan. Put in a layer of riceatthe bottom, and then spoon some of the meat and gravy over. Spoon some of the flavoured oil over.

Repeat with another layer of rice, meatandgravy, andflavoured oil. Finish off with a final layer of rice and pour the rest ofthe flavoured oil all over.

To cook rice, heatwater in another pan and add a stick of cinnamon, the cardamom pods and salt to taste. When hot put in the soaked

(Alternately, cook in oven. Seal lid with dough. Preheat oven to 180 degrees C before putting your pot in and then reduce heat. Check in 20 minutes.)

AK VS AK (Netflix)

STARRING: Anil Kapoor, AnuragKashyap, Sonam Kapoor, Harshvardhan Kapoor

DIRECTION:Vikramaditya Motwane ***1

Halfthetrickliesinthecasting.Anil KapoorplaysAnilKapoor.Anurag KashyapplaysAnuragKashyap.They gettobadmoutheachotherexposing theother'sfallaciesinthebuild-uptoan engagingthrilleroverflowingwithwrywit.

AKVsAKhastobethe quirkiestfilm Bollywood madethisyear.

Vikramaditya Motwane'sfilm thriveson itssheerabsence ofgenrespecifics. It involvesreal people playingout afictionalstoryline, and yetthe narrativecoldlydrawsfrom theirlivesto set up make-belief.The mockumentary-stylenarrativeplays

I out withtheclinical precision ofatrue

I story, exceptthatnoneofit actually everhappened.

I AvinashSampath'sstory is atwo-

I liner. FilmmakerAnuragKashyap

I (ashimself)andveteran Bollywood starAnil Kapoor(ashimself) areat

1 loggerheads.Thefilmmakerkidnaps

I SonamKapoor(asherself}, daughter

I ofthe star, andsetsoffthesenior

1 actoron afranticsearch, in a bidto teachhimalesson. AsAnil Kapoor

I getsgoingon adesperate huntfor

I daughterSonam, Kashyapfilmsthe

I action in realtime. Heissure it'sready materialforhisnext blockbusterfilm.

I Experimentalentertainmentthat I toyswiththe real andthefictionalis

1 rareeven in Hollywood,leave alone Hindifilmdom.Onecan at random I recallthe SpikeJonzegemsBeing

I John Malkovich andAdaptation.

Matrimonials

SEEKING GROOMS SEEKING BRIDES

Seekinga professionallyqualified match,teetotaller,with a goodfamily background, preferablyAustralian citizen orPR holderforhighlyqualified career-oriented Brahmin girl 35, 5'2", vegetarian,with goodfamilybackground, workingandwellsettled in Sydney. Please contact Aussyd08@gmail.com

Professionallyqualified match required for '88-born 5"3" Hindu Punjabi girl, divorced (short marriage, issueless). Workingfull time in Sydney. Pref teetotaller. Must have Aus PR. Email: matrimonial.ml@gmail.com.

I IranianfilmmakerAbbasKiarostami I madeClose-Up, about acrazed 1 cinephile whopassesoffasthe maestro Mohsen Makhmalbafand

I I I scamspeoplesayinghe will castthem. I

I InAKVsAK Motwane usesthegenre I 1 specifics well, tocraftan originalstory. Sonam Kapoor'sappearance is I boostedbyan accompanyingcameo I ofherbrotherHarshVarrdhan Kapoor.

1 Harsh'scasting, infact, isusedby director Motwaneto addcheeky I humour, takingthe joke on himself.

I BuddingactorHarsh isseen telling I Kashyapat one point ofVikramaditya Motwane'sBhaveshJoshiSuperhero, I whichended upaflop. Harsh wants I Kashyap, who wasaproducerofthat I film, to make a sequel.

Thefun reallyliesin savouring I the waythese'real'charactersare I presented,even asthefictional

Sydney-based 46-year-old, PR holder, down-to-earth,sweet natured, healthy,slim,attractive, cool-minded,welleducated, spiritual, issuelessdivorcee,vegetarian, North lndianKayastha Hindu man, workingin ITcompany, seeksa girlfrom India

/ Fiji/Australia/othercountriesformarriage. Haveawellpayingstablejob. Healthy habits:swimming, non-smoker. Have neverdrunkalcohol in life. Language, nationality,state, caste,food habit (vegornon-veg) no bar. Call 0415063 532.

Seekinga professional matchforHindu-AdDharmijRamdasia, 27-year-old engineer onTRvisa, doingcustomerservicejob in Sydney,with an educatedfamilybackground,family relatives professionallysettled inSydneyand Brisbane. Caste no bar. Pleasecontactwithdetailsand photoat hsruby 2000@yahoo.com/0401324862 suspenseunfolds.Motwane keeps thenarrative suitablyfast-paced, with SwapnilSonawane'scinematography deliveringthe impact.

Thecredibletech-specscomplement smart screenwritingthat drawsfrom personalaspectsofthecelebritiesin question (AnuragKashyap's asthmatic fitsin real life,forinstance, are woven into thestory), just asfeats and failuresoftheirprofessionallivesare tossedinto conversationsto render dramatothe dialogues.

Goodwritingisalsothe reason theactorsget to playthefieldas themselves.The ironyisyounever quite knowin whichscene aparticular cast memberisactually 'acting, andin whichthey arejust beingthemselves. ThatsortofafluidityisMotwane's triumphasafilmmaker.

Vinayak Chakravorty

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I

1 COOLIE NO. 1

1 (Amazon Prime)

I STARRING:Varun Dhawan, SaraAli Khan, Paresh Rawal,JavedJaffrey, I Rajpal Yadav,JohnnyLever,SahilVaid, I ShikhaTalsania,VikasVerma, Manoj 1 Joshi,Anil Dhawan, BharatiAchrekar

DIRECTION: David Dhawan

I 1- - ------ all ofthem really, you realiseasthe muddled messplays out. I

Well,Varun betterstickto doing I a Varun-that'sthewayhisfans like him.AndSara doesn'tlookcool I withthecoolie.Thegyration gigis

I I simplynotfor her,she can givethe 1 pelvissomerest.On Dhawansenior, someonetell him whatyearthis is.

I In it"�lf, thefirst Coolie No. 1 was I nogreatcomedy- noteven by David 1 Dhawan'sloonyyardstick. Butat leastthefilm had thesingularasset I thatmade itstand out-Govinda.

I You shouldn'tget intosuch ditsy 1 misadventure in the nameofcomedy filmmakingunlessyou have Govinda I tojustifythe chaos.

I The big problem aboutthe 1 recreated Coolie No. 1 is notthat it I I is utterlybrainless(the 1995 original was no intelligententertainment either).Theproblemwiththe remake 1 isitfailsto hold yourattentionfrom almostthetime itgetsgoing. Boring I and brainless can bea lethal combo I fora 'comedy'.

1 Owingto any obvious intent to narrate anythingoriginal,the I cast isa one-on-onearrayof I substitutes. So ifVarun doesa

1 Govinda and Saratakesoverthe

I naach-gaana dutyfrom Karishma

Kapoor, Paresh Rawal stepsinto

I Kadar Khan'sshoesasthe heroine's

I father, ShikhaTalsania (whata waste)triesfitting in asthe heroine's I sisteras Kanchan did inthe oldfilm.

Rajpal Yadavdoes his ownversion

Varun Dhawan triestodoa Govinda I ofthe heroine's mama, which Shakti playsout.

Okay, notall ofitisa rehash. Govindawasa cooliewearinga blueshirtata busterminus.Varun isa coolie ina red shirtata railway station.Someoriginality, right?!

Screen writerRumiJafry re-hauls thestoryline ofthe 1995 original almost in entirety. David Dhawan callstheshotson a familiarchain ofeventsasattempted slapstick, overdone mimicry, some melodrama and the mandatoryfightscenes unfold.

It'sall aboutdeja vu as rich businessman Rosario(Paresh Rawal) insults panditJai Kishen (Javed Jaffrey)overa matchmakingdeal for hisdaughterSara (Sara Ali Khan).

The livid pandit picks up Rajuthe coolie (Varun Dhawan)from the station, packages him asa millionaire I and presents him before Rosarioas a loaded, prospectivegroom. Raju and Sarafallforeach otherbeforeyou can spell 1-o-v-e,and Rosario happily marriesoffhisdaughtertothe 'super rich' Raju.

Ata convenient point in the narrative, Rosariodiscovers Raju's reality, sotheguyinventsa twin. Almosteverythingthatfollows isa blind repeatofthe 1995 screenplay.

Asall of 134 minutes playout,you wouldfrequentlyfind askingyourself -whywasthisfilm made in thefirst case?There is noevidenteffortto catertocontemporarytastes.

1 KAAGAZ (ZeeS)

I STARRING: PankajTripathi,

--I MonalGajjar,AmarUpadhyay,Satish Kaushik

I DIRECTION:Satish Kaushik

I ThemeritsofPankajTripathi'snew outingaredwarfed bytheclichesthat I thefilmfailstoresist. Itissomething

I thatprevents Kaagazfrom livingupto thepotential itsstoryline had promised. I Tripathi,oneofBollywood'smost I incrediblesuccessstoriesin recent I years,continueswith hisgloriousrun asan actorintheOTTdomain,this I timereturningwithastarringrole in I Satish Kaushik'snewdirectorial.Among I thefilm'sadvantagesisalsothefact thatthe plotdrawsfroman intriguing I truestory.Thefactthatwriter-director I Kaushiktriesgivinghistaleofblatant I corruptionasatiricalspinwould only I seemtoaddtoitscredence.

Yet,astheminutesrollandthe I narrativestuffs in everythingfrom an I item naach toa Shashikala-prototyped schemingchichitoaveryfilmi portrait I ofthe bhrashtsarkari office,thefilm I beginstoloseitspurpose.

-and a Mithun anda Bachchanand a Nanaforgood measure. SaraAli Khan hitsfranticmodewith herpelvic

1 thrusts; shewasoutto prove she can bedarlingofthe masses,too. David

1 Dhawan comes outofsomesortofa

I timewarp thinkingthis is 1995.

Sahil Vaidfor Harish asthehero's I buddy,andJavedJaffreyforSadashiv

1 Kapoor played in theoriginal.There's I

I Amrapurkarasthematchmaker

1 panditji. Noneofthem manageto emergefromtheshadowsofthe

I original'scast,asthejaded rehash

Amusinghowyou tend to subconsciouslyrecall Govinda inspecificscenesasVarun tries repeating random antics.Thatcan surelybethe biggestfailurefora remake.

Vlnayak Chakravorty

Mahadevan's GourHariDastaan. Kaagaz suffersfromseriousdearthofconviction I I in itsstorytelling, incomparison. I 1 PankajTripathiisadequateinthe I centralrole, butclearlythatisnot I I enough.Youwonderwhichwasamore I difficultdeal-theon-screen protagonists I I struggletoproveheisalive,orTripathi's efforttokeepadeadnarrativegoing.

I Storytellinghasalwaysbeenaweak I pointaboutSatish Kaushik'sdirection. I Somehow,afterconfidentlybuildingup a narrative inthefirsthalf, Kaushikfails I tosustainthemomentum postinterval I (think Tere Naam, Hamara OilAapke

I Kaagazstartsfailingearlyon in its efforttocreateanemotionaltugover I theprotagonist'splight,owingtoits I sheerlackofstorytellingdepth.

I TripathiplaystheLalBihari,a bandwallah inavillage.Withworkflow I increasing, Lal Biharidecidestoexpand I hisbusiness,andforthishedecides I tosella plotofland heowns. Except I I thatwhen hetriesto,herealisesthat connivingrelativeshaveusurpedthe land bylegallyprovingheisdead.

I WhenLal Biharitriestosetthings I right,hediscovershemustwageafullonwarwithasystemthatiscorruptto I thecore.Thenarrativethatfollowsis I abouthis indefatigablestrugglethat I lastsforyears,toproveheisalive.

Thethemeofarottensystembearing I downuponacommonman'sbidto I asserthisidentityhasbeenexplored withfarmoreassuredness inthe I past.Randomrecallwouldbringback I MazharKamran'sMohandas, orAnant

I Paas Hai, Mujhe Kucch Kehna Haior BadhaaiHo Badhaai). In Kaagaz, likehis I I morerecentreleases GangOfGhosts I orKarzzz,thebreakpointhappens I I muchbeforeinterval. Longbeforethe firsthourisover,thefilmstrugglesto I holdattention. Nosurprises,Kaushik's I turnasLalBihari'slawyerisfarmore I effectivethan hisfilmmaking. Thatissadactually,forthiscould I have beena relevantfilm.

I VinayakChakravorty

January 2021 BY MINAL KHONA

MinaIKhona hasbeen readingtarot cardsfor the lasttwodecades Sheuses herintuitionand connectwiththecardsmostlyto helppeople

Abalanced monthforArieswithouttoo manyupsand downs. But, asa number5, itcould leadtosome change orunresolved issues. Anex could returnand itmay help youfind closure. Focus your energiescorrectly forfasterresolution ofproblems. Cruisingatworkdespitefrustrations no longerworks, sowhenthingsget unbearable,thechange you seekwill come. An old healthconditioncould recurduetostress.Transformation on all fronts isforetold.

You mayhavetaken onmorethan you can handlethismonth. Changesare predicted; youareinthemood totie up loose endsand start onsomething new. Additional responsibilitiescould bethrustupon you. Arelationship going nowhere isnotgoingto improve so let itgo.Take it easytoavoid fatigueand exhaustion. All this additional flurryofactivitywill lead toa new lifestyle. Don'taccept less thanwhat you deserve- inlove or profession.

I Thepractica Capricornappearsfor I youthismonth, indicatinga more I realisticapproachto everythingfrom you mercurial Geminis. You wantto I makemoremoneybuttheroad seems I blocked. Asense ofbeingresponsible in yourrelationshipwill leave you content I nomatterwhichwaytherelationship I goes Arockymarriagecould end. I Express yourself or you could end up withthroatand earrelated health I problems Moneymaybe slow right now I butmorewill come.

I You could have experiencesthismonth I that leave youfeelingpowerless or confused.Theymay evenchange your I life insomeways. Praiseatwork makes I youfeel valued. Drivecarefullyasan I accidentcould occur. Planstoset yourpaperwork in orderwill be I successful. Businessimprovesand I sodoreturns oninvestments Your legs couldgive youtrouble,take somerest if I it is nota seriouscondition. Shed your I illusionsaboutpeople youthinkare on I your side.

Theten of swordsindicatesa situation of extreme stressand clearing out of dead energy Ifa relationship hashit rock bottom, itcan onlyget betterfrom here on.You are ona self-improvement drive inall aspects of your lifethis month.You might evenquit yourjob orgetfired. Dissatisfactionwith your current situationcancause stress. Financesare onanupswing. An infatuationcould also end. Don't lose hopeandacceptwhat is.

I Stayonguardagainst officepoliticsand deceitfrom someone youtrust.While you I dohavethemental strengthtofightback,

I Aslightlydifficutmonth; you spendasyou earnamidbusinesslosses. Everything

You could be in need of hea ingthis month, onvariousfronts. Anew romancemaybe inthe offingbut itmay notbethe one you want. An engagement ora pregnancyinthe family isforetold. Health isgoodthis monthanddespitefinancia constraints you maygoaheadwitha businessplan Itwill helpadd to yourkitty. Atroubled relationshipcould improve.Themore creative your ideas,the higher your chances of success.

I it isawaste ofresources Plansregarding I the homedon'tproceed smoothly A I stroke ofgood luck inyourlovelife or I financesiscoming. Don'ttake ontoo

I problemispossiblethismonth. Trynotto I take ontoomuchthismonth. Stresscan causeachesandpains.Hanginthere, I positivechangesarecoming-thesecould I beduetoachangeinperspective orthe entry of someone intoyourlife.

I seemsblocked;controlling your emotions inadifficult situationwill be hard. A problematworkwill get solvedif youthink I differently. Surmounting ofan emotiona muchasitcould leadtoil ness Letgoa I little; perfectioncanbe exhausting. Any I disputesatworkwill beresolved.Goslow I witheverythingand haveabalanced perspective.

I I I I I I I I

Atimetoplanthe yearahead and I focus onareasin your lifethatneed I improving. Apromotionatwork or I expansioninbusinesskeeps you motivated. Anestrangedfriend or I lovermaytrytowinyou back. Afamily I reconciliationcould takeplace Profits I inbusiness increase. Eatmore of high energyfoods.You might lose out I onsomefunding ora projectbeing I cancelled. Trust your instinctswhen it comestoa newidea or offer.

I An exciting starttothe new yearfor I Capricornastheycould haveintriguing I interactions,a newromance or even travel. In yourpersonal orprofessional I life, expecta dilemmawithtwotempting I options;thinkbefore youchoose. A

I

Therecouldbenewavenuesopening I up ontheworkfrontYou needa break from homeandworktorecoup.Thenew I yearbringsapositive outlookandthe I qualityofwork improves.Becareful of I what you eat; youcould end up withfood

I Thequeenofwandsstandsforthe I zodiac signof Leosothedreamy I Pisceanscould findthemselvesina gregariousand extrovertedframe of I mindthismonth.Theymight even I meet someonewhoisa Leo. Asudden current setback isa blessing indisguise. I Moneycomesinthroughvarioussources I There seemstobe nowayoutforthose trapped ina bad marriage. Aproblem poisoning.Moneyowedtoyou still doesn't I comethrough.Butitcomesinfrom other I I sourcessoyouwill have enough. Success whirlwind romancecould comealong. Yourcareergetsafreshboost of life. If I a relationship isrocky,anoccurrence I getsresolvedduetoa rightdecisionyou I make orwiththe help ofanother. henewyearishere, and the summerof2021 isunderway or isit?Asaninternationalstudent spendingmyfirstsummerin Australiainsteadofrunningoffto Indiato enjoythatextendedvacation,I expected blisteringhotdays. I waspro1nisedcool waves,endlessbeachdays,andsitcon1-esque su111n1eradventures. Instead,as1 sitdownto writethis,acoldbottleofwaterwithinarm's length,it'scon1etomyattentionthatit'sbeen comparativelytin1idweather.

I comesfrom educationrelatedareas. Solveproblemsbyjustlettingthembe I sometimes.

I couldtake ittothepoint ofnoreturn. If undecidedaboutadilemma,theright I decisionwillcometo you.

Sundaeshaveremainedintactuponexiting theicecreamparlourand theoccasionaJ jackethassnuckitswayoutofthecloseton anovercastday.The'bloodyhot' Sydney sumn1erhasn'tquitebareditsteeth.

Growingup in Bangalore, a cityknown foritsn1oderatecli1nate and cold beer yearround, I'veneverhadtoexperience particularlyhotweather.To me,anything above 22 degrees ishot - and anything above 30degreesisoutrightburning. But, I was ready totest n1ymettleagainstthe Aussie sun.

Perhapsaboon ratherthan abane,this year's sun11nerhasstayed an1anageable affair, sparingn1efron1those a1nusing incidentsofchecking1nyseatfor sweat-stainsorneedingtoduckintoa conveniencestoreto takeshelterin the A/C. (Orair-con, to use thelingoofthe land). As I soon came torealise, italso offered achance tosalvageunproductive dayswiththeseeminglynever-ending daylight. Is 8 PM toolateforaworkout? ls 9 PM toolateto run errands? Surelynot, if youcan makehaywhile thesun shines, in its mostliteralsense.

Evenasthedustsettlesonthelastlegof AUSvlND111atches, thepleasantweather hasalso111eantarelativelygoodsu1n1ner ofcricket. l'1nhardlythe1nostardent supporter,butit'saterriblemistaketo discounttheelectricstadiumatmosphere. Anyhomesicknessgetswipedawaysittingin thestandswhen,forabrief1noment,theloyal fanstransportustoWankhedeStadium, flags,chantsand all.Thistime,ofcourse, withthewelcomeoptionofamid-gamebeer.

Still,themostamusinganecdoteshave con1efromconversationswithfamilyback in IndiaasI complainabouttherarehumid day beforeInotice theirjacketsandshawls, scarfsandhotteas,andremen1berthatwe are,ofcoui-se,inthesouthernhemisphere. Sumn1eractivitiesinDece1nberandJanuary -itstilltakesasecondtowrapmyhead

• hedayhasfinallyarrived. 1t isthe 1norningof19 Januaryand some well-armedguardsaredragging aheftymanoutoftheexpansive White House,evenashekicks andscreams, "Iwantfourmoreyearsonthislease!"A huge crowdgathersoutsideonPennsylvania Avenue,watchingthisscenewithgreat amusement.Afewprotesters(ahem, rioters?)wavehand-n1adeplacards, allthewhilecribbingabouta 'robbed'election.

Inside, the classicblack suitsofthe SecretService canbe seen clearingthe Oval Office. Theyexpect tofind agreatpile of sensitive documents. Instead, they're surprised tounearth an assortment ofunusualitems in the drawers ofthe mahogany desk. aroundit! (still#freshofftheboat,guiltyas charged.)

Inthe topdraweraregolfballswiththe namesofVIPplayers inscribedonthem, alongwithpreciousscorecardsofgames. (Theyallhaveoneleadscorer:Trump.)

In thenextdrawer, thereisa half-empty bottleofdisinfectant,presumablythesame treatmentthathelped dearDonaldrecover from suchashortspellofCOYJD.

Besidethat,there'sasaffron colouredshawl.Youknow,the specialgiftfromtheHowdy TrumpgalawithNaMothat reads'Abkibarr,Trump sarkar'inDevanagari-esque cursive.Peekingoutfrom underneaththeshawl,hiddento theuntrainedeye,isahugepile ofpinkslipsusedtosackWhite Housestaff.Alas,noonefrom theSecretaryofStateto thelunchladywas immune.

DiscoveringmyversionofOzsummer fashionhasbeenaninterestingaffair.What doesonewearforthoseswelteringhours inthesun? Jeansarebutanabomination, socksareanunwantednuisancebeneathour soles,andduringaheatwave,evenadress feelslikefartoomuchclothing.Thisyear,we havehadclothmaskstoaddtotheequation. Everydayas Ilatheronthesunscreen,l think ofnextseason'spotentialtrend-sporting strategictanlinesacrosshalfourfaces.

ButJcan'trea1lycomplain. Maybeit'sthe lingeringNewYearspirithangover,but 1 find thatit'salmostcomlortingtobe ableto enjoythissummer.Tosavourthedays.After all, frombushfiresand protests,restrictions andallsortsofdistance,thepastyearwas achallengingone.Asthevacationsrolled aroundandwewereabletoventureoutdoors (stayingCOYID-safe,ofcourse),italmost feelslikeweweren'tbeinghandedanything wecouldn'thandle.

Will 1 becrackingeggson thepaven1entto seeiftheycookin theheat?Nah. Instead, almostlikeamantraforthe new year,youcan findmelookingoutforn1ore suntanandlesssunburn. (PS: Seriously, don'tforgetthesunscreenthough.)

LPAYER is a fiy on the wall as Trump exits the White House

Aspecial keyisexchanged betweenthe SecretServiceagents tounlockonelast goodyonthe table:thepersonalcomputer ofthe President,nowpadlockedbyTwitter, Facebookand more. With thegraceful turn ofa key, itfalls to theground,puttingan end toTrump'sreignofmisinformation.

Topreparethe houseforthe next occupant, maintenance menwash the walls,doors,anddoorhandleswithgallons ofsanitizer. Noonehas theheart toshare withpoorTrumpthatit'sallimportedfrom - youguessedit - China.Asifcementing the man's nightmare,a newshingleisalso placedat the maingate: 'J Biden'.

Evenasdozensofremovaltrucks move outwithloadsofdesignerfrocks, shoes and otheraccessoriesofMelaniaTrun1p, alone truckpullsupwithdozens ofhot idlisspeciallycookedforKamalabyher chithi(mum'syoungersister)inChennai, speed-posted forherInaugurationDay breakfast.There'salsoa smallpacket often1ple 'prasad'sentbythepeopleof Tulasendrapuram, Kamala'sancestral village. (Butdotheyhearsomeofher pronouncementsarenot that India-friendly, accordingtothosein the know?)

Acrossthe pondat DowningStreet, BoJo isexpectingJo Bitokeepupthe traditionof visitingBritainfirstas a markofrespecting Anglo-Americanbond. Meanwhile, infar offBeijing, thesphi11x-likeXi Jinpinghas alreadybegundraftinganinvitation to Joe Bidentovisitthe'ForBidenCity'. NewYear, newbeginnings,perhaps

Cartoonists allovertheworld plan an onlinewake onZoom, one lastode to the manwhosecatchphrasesandactionswere theirstaple dietforfourlongyears. 1, too, will 1nissTrump,havingwrittenmoreon him than anyoneelse. ButI've learntnotto counthimout, the manwho has 1nastered the artofthe comeback.

Fornow,though,we can allagreeto hopenotforthecomebackof2020.