ask AUNTYJI

Bubbles in my beer

Dear Auntyji

Last week, my good friend sent me a text asking if my wife and I were interested in going to a restaurant for a craft beers night. I asked my wife about it, and she indicated that it was a school night and didn’t want to go out. So I texted my friend back and said I would go along. Well, two days ago, my friend calls up and says that the tickets to this event was $150 per person and he had bought a ticket for me and I owed him $150. Auntyji, I was shocked. $150! And I am trying to avoid beer because I have put on weight. Now I can’t back out of this event, but do you think it was poor form of my friend not to let me know that cost of the ticket? My wife says it’s my fault because I chose to go out without herbut I did not feel like a quiet night in. Do you have sympathy for me?

Auntyji Says

Hmm. On reading this, I can see the entire events playing out in slow motion, as though it was a bad fillum from the ’80s - compete with hijra makeup, overacting and bad direction. So your sensible wife said no to a midweek dinner invite. But what did you do? You were so eager to rush out for dinner that you failed to ask basic questions. You knew it was a craft beers night, and beers had made you a gola dhamola, a motu, a gulab jamun - yet you still had to rush in where angels like your wife feared to tread. You did not ask any questions. You did not think that perhaps a quiet night in with wifey would be a better option. So you got what you deserved. You are $150 poorer, at least 4 kg heavier and 5 points dumber. This is all your fault. And someone like you deserves bekaar friends who withhold vital information and who have no shame taking $150 from you. I hope you have learnt your lesson. Try to be more like your wife. Don’t be that husband who will rush out of the house at every opportunity. And one more thing. You will probably get food poisoning from all that craft beer and mixing of food. But, it will be well deserved - you earned it.