anta tot e rescue

It's a weird and wonderful wish list from India

Samabahi, I have just returned home after m y spectacular visit to Australia

J, BY 7 LP.AVER

Father Christmas is poring over Google

Maps on his laptop He is worried the options for Aight pat hs to take his annual gift g iving jaWlt to the southern hemisphere are narrowing down. Ukrainian airspace is not safe. Putin backers may nm take pot shots at h is sled, with Russians mrning to Ch ri stianity now unlike the Soviet U nion commies, bur what if one of those rebels mistakes Rudolph for a wild antelope and aims at him?!

The Middle East is muddled up with no one knowing who is shooting at who PAK seems to stand for Pain and Killing. Even Lidia is a cause for concern.

With Maneka Gandhi now in some ministerial saddle, animal activists may protest against his rei11deers being used to lug heavy load s of gi fts around the globe non -srop But those avowed cow worshiping Indians hardl y look after the beasts, allowing them to choke and die eati n g plastic bags that farer every lane. There are so man y plastic bags strewn all over the land dia t one day it may look like the snow -covered Arctic Anyhow, with a few more days to sort th is om, Santa consoles himself Opening his foternet browser, he is surprised co see on his Pacebook someone with a face cl osely resembling his - with grey hair and beard - plump, b ut not pm- bellied.

His email reads: "f',laJ\!Ioste

You may have heard the loud roar from .Allphones Arena welcoming .ine. On Indian Link's website you can see their colourful 30-page coverage of m y events. Wherever I wen t I was treated like a rock sta r. But on arriving home, I am shocked to see local stitmps like Shiv Sena's Uday demanding a lot more power than diey deserve They think they can tweak di is chai wallah! A month ago 1 st arted a 'S1J1achh Bharat campaign co c lean up the country and now I want co use d 1e sai11e technique to sweep some of these 'chokras' o ur of the political landscape as well. Please send me the most powerful broom with the longest handle so diat I can do this work from right here in South Bloc.

Ap ke seva 111ei11, Narenbhai".

The straiigest request, Santa smiles to himself. He opens the next one Also from an Indian pollie, Salman Khurshid " Yo u may not know I was India's Foreign Minister in the last government. Nor many Indians knew that eidier. Our party bosses Sonia and Ralml are not pulling crowds any longe r 1 told out newsmen iliac all d1ose huge crowds for Modi in rv[yanmar and Australia were becau se diey were sent from here beforehand. Of course no one questioned me on how that was possible. Too many TV channels here in India and tbey use anything to fill their bulletins. B y the way, can you send some huge p lanes, preferably invisible, to use this technique for ensuring crowds for R.'lhul next ti.me."

Very weird indeed. 'What more i s in scor e?' wonders Santa as Sonia's wish list shows up on the sc reen. Sadde n ed b y her request last year for the PM's chair for her son not being fulfilled, she asks for die best legal brai n s co fight allegations against her and Rabul for impropedy grabbing Rs.1600cr worth o f National Herald buil dings for die paltry sum of Rs.SO lakb. Alternatively, she wants a Bofors gun, the type diat b rought R aj iv down from power, to aim at her adversar ies making such allegations Ha,7 ing barel y succeeded in her p lea co appeal co the Suprern e Court against the judgement of the Bengaluru special court, J ayalali tha, in her note to the jolly old fellow, sou n ds unusually modest. Setting aside her conceited pride over her proficienc y in English, she politel y asks for some super silks (QCs) co get her case adjourned for the next 18 years as she did befo re until t he Bengaluru court hrought her down co earth.

Proud as a peacock, Subramanian Swamy, cod.1• ove r his success in bringing die much- adored Amma co justice, makes the same request - brilliant barristers co bring to books Sonia and Rahul in order to fuliil his lifelong ambition to end the ehru -Gandhi dynasty.

Pl enty of scope for l eg al eagles co swoop down, feels the m an in the reel suit.

There is no prize for guessing what Dhoni 's appeal will be - a rep lay of the la se World Cup, even i f it means a wait until Marc h co lay his gloved hands on the silverware.

Middle of che road Indi ans unanimous ly wish for a 'jhadoo' (broom) not only to clean the mounting rubbi sh on the roads ides, but also co sweep away d1e chronic corruption. If it happens, i t will truly be a be Christmas Jadh11' (miracle)