PNG: Problem Never Goes

The PM finds a dream solution to the asylum seekers’ issue

BY LP AYER

Ring ring.

Caller: Hello, is this the Prime Minister’s office?

PM’s Secretary: Yes, it is. Who is calling please?

Caller: This is Sultan Dhow Dinghy from Cisarua, currently the busiest coastal town in south Java.

Secretary: Excuse me, how did you get our number?

Caller: We picked it up from one of your many navy vessels that come here every day. In fact we have all the numbers of your Immigration, Customs and Emergency Services, senators, lawyers and many more.

Secretary: Ok…. why do you want to talk to our PM?

Caller: I can stop the boats and save him billions of dollars.

Secretary: Wait a minute... (doing a hurried check on the computer)

Did you say your name is Sultan Dhow? We will call you back in ten minutes. What is your number there?

Caller: 011 62 420 420. Click.

Secretary to colleagues: Guys, the leading people smuggler has made contact. Get the treasurer, immigration and defence ministers and the defence chiefs of Navy into the PM’s office asap. Ring ring.

PM: Sultan, this is the Australian PM: What can I do for you?

Sultan: Not much you can do for me, Prime Minister Sir. But I can save your job and billions of dollars.