Oncewas a • en1us.

Reiterating four basic values to children can help them discover and manifest their true ability

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Ahigh proportion of parents have experience of a child who demonstrates ability in a particular field of endeavour, only to notice that over ti.me the child n o longer appears to manifest the talent This ability may be linguistic/verbal, sporting, mathematical, musical or other. 'Namral ability' evide nc ed when yo1mg can fade as children grow and fall back into the pack - either they underachieve or simp ly all ow t hemselves to become o rdinary. Unfortunately th.is can be highlighted by the tendency of pa.rents and schools to re.cord and measure everything. I t is common for even ver y young children to bave extensive portfolios managed by their parents.

have a certificate, therefore I am

There was a time once, when participation was valued for itself These days, putting o n a shirt at an athletics carnival wins house p o ints and bonuses. Entry into a mathematic s competition gets a certificate of participation, and in sporting contests the 'player o f the match' is rotated so that every child is a 'winner,' regard1ess of the effort they bave made. Over prai se leads to Lmderachievemenc and unde rm i1Jes resilience

Underachievement

It is common n owadays fo r parents to report that a child is underperforming That is, they believe that their child has far more ability tha.n is bein g manifest. They will say to tbe child, "W h y don't you jL1st see that if yo u tried harder, you would see how good you ca.n be" In saying this, the pa.rent hopes to 'tra nsmit' a value that will become intrinsic to the child. Alas, it i s rarely the case that what a parent values will be what the ir child also val ues, partic Ltla.rly while the child is still in schoo l. Why, for examp le, should a school child 'listen' if the teaching is insipid and uninspiring? Why should a child value 95 % , when 82% o r 73 % is good enough to them?

Wh y too, shmtld a child enjoy training for sport when a coach favours the children who appear to have greater ' natural' ability?

ln th is context, pa rents n eed to understand that children best learn when there is broad understanding of the factors li kely to encourage a.nd engender success

There are four values that all children and young adults mus t be taught if they are to consistently manifest to tl1eir true ab ility, or even i f they a.re to uncover ,vhat they are truly capable of. These values are d iscipline, openness, s trucrnre a.nd coac h ability.

1. Discipline

Never fret for the child who works hard, but does not achieve. Ed u cacors find hardworking smdents who achieve quite easy to mentor However, the student, most admired arc those who work hard but do not achieve to tl1e standard they desire. The key factor that is admired is tenacity. Why? Because success in life comes to those who arc consistent a.nd disc iplined. Di scipline begins projects and finishes them off. Discipline sees so metl1.ing through to the end , and builds resilience a.nd strengtl1. l t a.lso builds s elfcon fidence. Inc identally, also neve r fret for the child who can focus for hours o n things that matter to them, but do not matter co you. The capacity to focus for h ours i s a facet of di scipline

2 . Opennesswillingness to try new things

A second key factor to build in young people is a capacity to be o pen to new things. Risk - caking can be scary, particularly for children to whom tl1ings come easily. To take risks requires allowi ng oneself to be open a.nd to be humble Humility makes a person learn empathy, understand others, le.'lrn from their mistakes and also the mistakes of others Hw11ili1:y is the basis of forgiveness when there arc misundersta ndings. Of course, humility cannot be taught t hrough self- righteousness, arrogance o r the intellect. Humility is the scuff of an open heart.

3 . Structure

The greatest of all achievers, tl1e ones who sustain success, have one thing in common Ability a.nd the capacity to app ly structure that develops, applies and hones that ability. Structure is, i n effect, a.n extension of di scipli ne. Structure requires a person to have th~1ught about goals a.nd what is possibl e. Structure invests time in improvement and says, ''This matters, a.nd I a.m prepared to coalesce other things in m y life around the goals that l value"

4. Coachability

U nderachievement is overcome when people arc 'coa chablc'.

Thi s means that they believe they can learn from the expertise of ochers, a.ad they seek i t out. la essence, all peopl e seek mentors and g uides through their life. However, finding such a person ca.n be hard.

Underachievement and the key values

T oo often parents say tlrnt thei r children are underachievers - that tl1ey are not mani fesc:ing to their fuU ability. Howeve r, co have s uch an expectation may be misplaced. Achi evement should not be seen as an end, but rather as intrinsic to the process o f learning

If pa.rents focus on instilling values sud1 as discipline, structure, humility and coachabili ty in their children, they a.re g iving them a.II of the tools they need co utilise their na tural talents at their highest capacity. [n di.is way, the means takes ca re o f tl1e end. Success in li fe i s no t found solely io a school report, or in a troph y, ribbon or Speech r ighr list

Sometimes, true success comes from time and expe rience - from the stuff of life. Experience helps children to integrate the val ues tlrnt engender success.