Ask Auntyji

Dear Auntyji

I am an Australian married to a wonderful Indian man. We have a 4-year-old girl called Tara, and Aunty, this is where my issues lie. Tara is unusual looking, and I know you might think I am biased, but I am not. Little Tara is small for her age, and has skin the colour of milky tea. She has black, very curly hair with lots of ringlets, which I keep shoulder length so I can better manage it. But Aunty, Tara’s eyes are so unusually beautiful that when she stares at me, even as her mother, I get goosebumps. Her eyes are very, very large, almond shaped and framed with two sets of eye lashes. But the colour is almost yellow, golden, like a brass pot shining in the sun. She is quite adorable, and all would be well, but she has started wearing all the clothes my in-laws send from India. Aunty, I don’t want to be an ingrate, but to be honest, the clothes my lovely in-laws send for Tara are quite well, to put it bluntly, hideous. They are always in blue and pink all mixed together, with lots of frills and sequins and nasty scratchy lace and netting. She usually ends up looking like she was dressed by a colourblind performance artist. Of course, with my tastes being understated, I dress her in OshKosh or Collette Dinnigan or other muted colours and simpler styles. But when she puts on these strange frilly, technicolour dresses, then puts on her beaded chappals, her jingly jangly bangles and on the odd occasion, her red and gold bindi and even a tiara, she looks ...well, no one knows what to make of it. Then, she skips everywhere she goes, and sings to herself, so I notice people stopping to look at her. Once, she was in the toys section at Target with all the dolls, and she was standing there with her big eyes fixated in the distance on something, and a poor kid comes around the corner and walks to her and says, “I want this doll”. At which point Tara moved and the poor kid yelped with surprise. Aunty, I really don’t want Tara wearing these unusual clothes, because she gets too much attention and this can’t be good for her. Can you please tell me your thoughts? Thank you so much for your help.

Fashion police

Auntyji says

Ask your Hindustani husband what this means. You have been blessed with an absolute angel of a daughter, a perfect sitara, a pari, and you are focused on your own needs for your daughter to conform, to look like all the other bland OshKosh clones? If your daughter is happy wearing these clothes and is always singing and skipping from place to place, and if she is unusually adorable with a distinct sense of fashion, then I think the problem is not with her, but with you. You should be pleased to have a darling for a daughter, and leave it at that. You might think blue and pink are an illegal combination, but you may need to go to Rajasthan to see the striking beauty of this. I say leave little Tara alone to be whoever she wants to be, and in the meantime, you need to work on your sense of style. And also, send me a photo of your little raajkumari

Dear Auntyji

I work in a large corporate where there are a lot of Indian developers and testers. Our managers are very nice and they provide us with buckets of sweets and chocolates to eat during the day. Now Aunty, I have noticed that the Australians take the sweets whenever they want one, but the Indians, well most of them anyway, grab handfuls of them and squirrel them away. At the end of the day, if there are lollies left over, some Indian women take them home! Auntyji, as an Aussie Indian (meaning I grew up here), I find this behaviour unnecessary and vulgar. But I am a polite person, and have not said anything, although I have thought it many times. Do you think I should say something – as I too am an Indian and I think this reflects badly on me.

Lolly grabbers

Auntyji says

Hmm, food always brings out the questionable elements to our nature. I do think that those that grab handfuls of the sweets and take them home at the end of the day are showing poor form, and yes, this is quite tacky, common behaviour. I understand you don’t want to be associated with this type of behaviour and or of being guilty by association. Well, if you’re thinking it, then others are probably thinking it too. So next time you see someone helping themselves rather generously to the sweets, you can make a polite comment that sweets should there for everyone. Or plead ignorance and next time you are in the cafeteria, ask a few of the guilty parties outright why they do that. Perhaps it will make them realise how their behaviour is perceived by their colleagues. Poor behaviour should always be pointed out. No point thinking it but saying nothing. If this is what Gandhiji had done, where would we be today? Well, probably in a better place, some would say, what with the Indian Railways efficiency being mirrored across the entire country, but that’s another rant. So, let me know how you go. And don’t worry, the Indians won’t gang up on you – they are too polite themselves. But they will probably call you names behind your back