What makes a good dad

Men are realizing the importance of getting to know their kids from an early age

As we celebrate Father’s Day, it seems appropriate to reinforce the importance of a dad’s involvement in the upbringing of children. A father has the great responsibility of nurturing his children by ensuring his constant presence in their lives, and being a positive role model to help them develop into confident and balanced individuals.

Parenting can be compared to a bicycle ride where the child is the rider and the mother and father are the two wheels supporting and helping the child through the journey of life to reach his or her goals. Both wheels are equally important, otherwise the bike will lose balance and the rider will fall. And it is impractical to assume that one wheel will suffice to keep the bike moving. There are many things that a mother does for a child which the father cannot; likewise a mother cannot replicate the paternal role model every child needs. Today in most families, fathers are getting involved with parenting more and more. From assisting their partners with the housework to helping raise the kids at all levels, getting involved in their life, checking report cards, soccer, band, religion, helping with the homework, attending school meets, parenting classes and even volunteering for sports events. Men are realizing the importance of getting to know their kids from an early age.

But then there are those who believe that by putting a roof over their family’s head and food on the table, their job as a parent is pretty much done. They leave the bulk of parenting to be done by their partners, and whinge when the kids don’t do well and grow up to be stressed and emotionally imbalanced. These are the same fathers who have a gripe about their kids neglecting them in their old age.

Well, you do reap only what you sow! So sit up and take note. Here are some of the things a man must do to be considered a good father. Find out if you or your dad has got it right and if not, the time to start working on it is now!

The gift of time

The best thing you can give your children is the gift of your time. Get to know them and build a bond from a young age. You’ll be surprised at how many times a child would pick going to the park with his father over a treat or a toy. Children need the reassurance, guidance and approval of a father at every step of the way. Make them feel secure by involving yourself in their lives, discussing issues that might be bothering them and helping them find solutions. Let them know you’re there for them, no matter what. If you establish that trusting relationship, there is very little chance that your children will feel derailed and confused in their teen years and beyond.

Lead by example

Children need firm and persistent guidance and a demonstrated differentiation between right and wrong. It’s a father’s responsibility to lead them on the right path by example. Just like a child who swears in public and displays bad behaviour is a reflection of what his parents must be like; so it is with a child who is kind, considerate, honest and polite. Remember, whatever traits you exhibit yourself will be mirrored in your children.

Do not be overly critical

Love your children for who they are and not what you expect them to be. Refrain from comparing them to other people’s children. An overbearing and overly critical father quickly loses the respect of his child, which can result in defiance and rebellious behaviour. Set realistic and reasonable expectations on your children and help them recognise their strengths and weaknesses. Encourage them to do their best to realize their full potential, but avoid being too pushy. Your children are individuals, not an extension of you, so don’t try reliving your life through them by expecting them to achieve what you did or hoped to have accomplished.

Let them know it’s okay to make mistakes

Involving kids in making decisions gives them confidence to face problems in life, so make decisions in front of them and explain the reasons for coming to those conclusions. Teach them that it’s okay to make mistakes, everybody makes mistakes, the important thing is to learn from them and avoid making the same blunders again. Excessively reprimanding children for making mistakes can eat away at their confidence and leave them shy of making their own judgements for fear of repercussions.

Make your child feel loved

It is important to show affection towards your offspring and let them know that they are valued. A man should be able to communicate to his children that he enjoys being their father and that he feels blessed. This is a great way of teaching kids to be affectionate toward others and to be open about their feelings. Fathers who are elusive in displaying affection are merely teaching their children to keep their feelings bottled up, which can be damaging for their emotional health in the long run.

Respect the mother of your child

Always show respect to your children’s mother, whether you’re still in a relationship with her or not. Children emulate their parents where relationships are concerned. Argue in private when you have to, if you don’t want your children to have shouting and abusing matches in front of your grandchildren. Agree on ways to discipline them and stick by these, presenting a unified front to the children.

Being a father is hard and never-ending work, but at the same time it is lots of fun and very rewarding. Kudos to those who do it right!

Happy Father’s Day!

An overbearing and overly critical father quickly loses the respect of his child, which can result in defiance and rebellious behaviour.