Let go, live life!

BY SHAFEEN MuSTAQ

Iwas in the garden the other day cutting some roses. As I held a stem to cut a beautifully formed rose, I inadvertently pricked myself and before I knew it, I had let go!

It constantly amazes me how wonderfully intuitive and resilient the Almighty has made our bodies. There was obviously a process by which the nerves in my finger relayed a message of pain to my brain, which in turn sent back an order to disassociate. This process occurred so fast that I could say, ‘I didn’t have time to think’; but ‘think’, I did. My subconscious self overruled the need to acquire a beautiful rose in order to preserve my body from the pain it registered, however fleetingly.

As children we are taught to stay away from fire and sharp things, and the consequences we face if we don’t. Our curiosity would have overcome us and we all felt pain in experimenting with fires, knives, needles or whatever was one’s choice of intrigue. As we grow up, that curiosity diminishes and is replaced by the wisdom of experience. We know fire is hot, knives are sharp and to stop feeling pain – we have to let go.

So why is it that even as adults with so much experience and wisdom under our belts, we find it so hard to let go when it comes to certain aspects of our lives? Why do certain people come into our lives and form such an attachment to us that it clouds our judgement and sense of self? We know we should let go but we hold on, oblivious to the pain they cause us and we may be causing them, in the desperate hope of acquiring that figurative rose?

We live in a society where we are taught to expect.

Consumerism ingrains in us that shoes, purses and even people, will bring us happiness. We buy these things or acquaint ourselves with such people and form attachments, which lead us to have expectations. But these expectations lead to disappointment. Because really, which purse, shoe or outfit will give you eternal happiness? Which person will always make you happy no matter what? People and purchases can only give you fleeting elation. Constancy in happiness comes from knowing when to stay and when to walk away. But when do you know its time to walk away? When you prick yourself on a thorn it’s easy enough to let go; but in other more intangible situations where people and emotions and relationships are involved, how do you know when enough is enough? The first thing you may need to do is to let go of your ego. Put aside the expectation that ‘this person owes me’, or ‘so and so should love me as much as I love them’, or ‘they should do this because I did this’, and it’s easier to assess a situation objectively without a sense of entitlement clouding your judgement.

When you see that you are meeting someone more than halfway and they are not making the effort in return, let go.

When you see that your overinvolvement and emotions are making someone uncomfortable, let go.

When you know you’ve lost, let go.

When you feel that you’re losing your self-respect, let go.

Letting go of something or someone you love will bring the realisation that one has to be humble to achieve a state of emancipation that alleviates pain. When you stop expecting or feeling a sense of entitlement, or believing you are always right and that you can make everything go your way - that’s when you realise that the best thing to do is to let go. Forming attachments to worldly things or people will always end in disappointment, because they are not perfect. But forming an attachment to God will not let you down, because your expectations are aligned to the Almighty, and not to things or people.

That’s easier said than done though – sometimes even when you know that letting go is the right thing to do – you don’t do it. You cling to the familiar even though it may have become painful. In such cases something has to give. And something does. Relationships go sour, friendships end. Families fall apart. Because people think with their egos, act and speak in anger and most of all, refuse to let go. But as Joseph the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us”. But when you let go of something that consumed you, with what do you replace it?

1. Keep busy. Doing things keeps your mind occupied and you will have less time to replay the negativity and the healing process is expedited. Cleaning is the best way to stay busy because focusing your attention on dirty dishes or messy cupboards helps. Physical cleaning is the best catalyst for a mental cleaning.

2. A different view. Look at the situation differently. Stop the ‘woe is me’ nonsense and have faith that whatever happened was meant to be. Even if you do not see it now, there was a reason it happened. Be grateful and move on.

3. Cry. Sleep and crying are two of the most underrated things in the world. Cry it out and sleep it off. It’s been scientifically proven that crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress. Have a good cry or rant to your best mate. But makes sure you don’t overdo it. Wallowing in moderation is the key.

4. Change. Retail therapy isn’t called therapy for nothing. Buying something new, getting a haircut, applying for a job – positive yell at yourself. You are your own best friend. Be nice to yourself. List your positive attributes and achievements and when your inner voice fills your head with positive thoughts, you will find it easier to push away the bad ones.

7. Give more and expect less Don’t expect anything from anyone. You are not entitled to anything. Be charitable to others and have no expectations, so that whatever comes your way will be a pleasant surprise.

8. Take responsibility. Hating the other person will not solve your problem. Focus on what you did and how you can improve. Empowerment will always negate bitterness and lead to selfrespect. Self-realisation leads to understanding and empathy, and letting go.

9. Express yourself. Write, sing, paint – but express your feelings. Let it all out, because bottling things up has never helped anyone. Overcome, don’t avoid. You cannot run away from yourself.

10. Laugh. Laughter really is the best medicine. Watch a funny movie; hang out with your mates, hear yourself laugh and feel it cure you.

11. Have faith. In God and the abilities He has endowed in you. Enough said!