that’s why! Slow the music.

(She means turn the volume down).

We’re having Indian for dinner again today because we come from India, that’s why!

Dal is very healthy food, ask anyone. You can do better than that in mathsyou’re an Indian girl/boy.

You can’t go out wearing that!

Will there be boys at your party tonight?

You must marry an Indian boy. Go to your room… no, wait, you like your room…

Don’t make me turn this car around. Well, you’re the only one who could have done it.

Go ask Dad.

Do you think money grows on trees? Indians can’t have babies till they are married.

We can drive like this, we are Indians. I wouldn’t be driving like this if you didn’t make me late.

You can do anything, you are an Indian. Of course you believe in god, you are an Indian.

Go wear your jumper, I’m feeling cold. Do you want me to shout at you like a mad woman?

Get out of the shower NOW. (30 seconds after I get into the shower)

We are going out for a few hours; you’ll be alone at home, DON’T do anything we wouldn’t want you to do. We don’t do that in our house. I used to shiver in fright when my mother scolded me.... look at you, you don’t even listen when I scream at you. Have you even brushed your teeth?

Do it NOW or else NO wifi for the next whole week.

Are you on Facebook?

MMwwwwaaaahhh, smooch, smooch, my little baby, I am so proud of you. Right, go do the dishes now.

Look, learn from the cat, she never answers back.

(When I tell her I got the second highest mark on the maths test) Who got the highest?

If you get that hair off your face everyone will be able to see how pretty you really are.

If your friends jump into the well, will you jump too?

I can get this made in India for half that price.

Aaaaahhhhhhhh.

(After her 14th cup of chai: she’s seriously addicted, poor thing).

How many times do I have to repeat the same thing again and again?!

Why can’t you swtich off the lights/TV/ computer when you leave the room?

Bijli ka bill kya tumhara baap dega…

(Oh yeah, mum, baap hi to dega!)

Am I talking to a brick wall?

When I was your age I used to help my mum all day…

In our days we never had the guts to questions our parents, look at you…

Am I your servant to pick up your clothes, cook your food and clean your room…?

Can’t you both sit together for 5 minutes without bickering?

You’ll understand my pain when you have your own kids!

You call this homework ‘work’? This is how much we had to do in an hour, not over a week.

I don’t care if your friends’ families only invite a few people over at a time; we are Indians and I have to invite everyone we know including uncles, aunties and grandparents or they will get offended.

You are Indian and you call this spicy?

Indians ke naam pe kalank ho (you are a blot on the name of the country)

That’s a total rip off! Buying at full price is against my retail principles… you want that latest game, research the best price in the market and make sure it’s on sale

I don’t care if it’s too much: if there are hundred seniors around you have to matha teko (bow before) all of them!

If you don’t learn how to speak Hindi you’ll never know what Dad and I talk about you in front of you

Don’t you dare say sh#@ - I will make you wash your mouth out with soap Look at your tond (bulging tummy) stop eating McDonalds or you will turn into a fat pig.

When I was your age I used to bike or walk to school. No fancy cars for us… learn to appreciate what you have. Get off that Facebook-shacebook thing! How can you be texting / facebooking / youtubing / watching TV while doing your homework?