Me, mummy!

Being a mum is a great experience, and going back to being oneself is pretty interesting too ~ "'I.t ... ":i

BY ...:... SHERYL DIXIT

Iheard one of my favourite songs o n the radio, o ne chat 1 hadn't heard in a lo ng, long cime le brought back memories of ps ychedelic lights flashing over vigorously gyrating bodies o n the dance floor in some obscure nightclub of my youch. Ir made me sing - loudly and tune lessly, much co the despair of my cwo sons.

"Do you want tO si ng on Th e T / oice," asked m y younger one.

"I think I'd be better off in The· Noise," I replied.

"Yes, you'd win!" said my o lder one, congue-in-cheek and scraightfaced.

I gave him m y raised eyebrow look, guaranteed to quell any sign of juvenile rebellion , and he remrned my look with disarming iru1ocence. The little one laughed outright, compelling me co join him. In a couple of seconds we were all encm,ed in a bout o f soulhealing mirth.

They're getting good, I thought!

As we approach another Mother's Day, I realise with a heightening awareness that 1 really enjoy my kids. They can be a right pain at times, but the sheer quirkiness of their personal ities at just 7 and 5 are a joy to behold. The y are funny and happy, bafAing in their logic and uncomplicated in their affection. They are no different from the hundreds o f children who are the product of a reasonably happy and close -knit famil y

A U mothers know what's expected of them when they take on the responsibility of having children, and for the most part, they deal with this complete tilt to their 'normal' lives with a mixmre of affection and pragmatism. Qui te simply, the y do tbei.t best for their kids according tO their lights. And for some, those lights shine brighter than most.

I have to reluctantly admit that I've been there and done cl1at. Motherhood added another, more overwhelming dimension to m y life, and I clllilk I lost myself in cl1at aura of involvement, which can suddenly be akin to slavery.

I spent the first few yea rs of motherhood being preny m u ch absorbed with my kids. They were m y focus and 111)7 life, I knew the words of every song that Hi Fivf sang, and would w in any quiz on Post!lla11 Pat hands down I felt I knew everycl1ing about them, and indeed , 1 wanted to know everything about them. l wanted to be an integral part of cl1e.ir lives, and often felt inclignant ru1d annoyed that ocher mums had what I thougbr was a more cavalier attitude cowards their kids. I was, ,vhat m y friends would chee r fully label, a 'parano id' mum.

Bm now as they get o lder, I've learned to breathe more and let go even more. The school-going experience o pened up hitherto unknown vistas of revela tion for me, when l could actually listen to a comp lete album of Alan Parsons without having to compromise by watching the Lazi, S01~ (enactments and all) for cl1e rest of the day Between the hours of 9am and 3pm, I can think about articles to write and write chem, gee cl1e shopp ing done wid1i.n half an hour, talk on the phone without interruptions

Of course, after 3pm, all hell breaks l oose! But it's a small price to pay for d1ose hours of reconnecting wid1 m yself, that lady who was lose somewhere in the mire of napp y-changes, feeds, teething issues and the trauma of the terrible twos. I'm no longer paranoid to leave d1em with their dad o n a Saturday evening as I catch up for a meal with o cl1er like- minded mums. And it is this ver y bunch of easy-going, live and let's live mwns who have brought around that gradual and, if I have to be honest, somewhat reluctant change of attitude. Yes, I do have a few of the normal fears and apprehens ions, bur I'm becoming m y own person again. And I'm enjoying the experience.

1 feel like I've grown up as much as m y two boys since those green days of motherhood whe re everycl1ing was perceived as a challenge, simply because motherhood in icself seemed like a challenge. Bm now, as they grow into discinct individuals in their own right, I feel less inclined to lead cl1em on the s cra igh t and narrow. Rather, the occasional nudge when d1ey step off the pad1 seems to work better for them. And this pb.i.losoph)', 1 now know, i s practiced way more cl1an it is preached.

Almost all the mums I know, the ones with attentive or indifferent partners, che single ones, the gutsy grandmas who live with their kids and uncomplainingl y cake on the responsib ility of bringing up cl1eir grandkids, the grandmums who are carers mums with adopted kids, same-sex mums - all have this amazing ability to be cl1emselves in spite of being mothe r s. And alcl1ough motherhood is believed to be a state of 'selflessness', isn't it nice co have a bit of o ne's 'self' back? Yes, we all have our bad hair days and experience the zombie syndrome that comes from lack of sleep, but for the most, they're very well adjusted with d1emselves. Almost all take time om to sneak back inco their pre -mum days, even if it means pushing a pran1 with a sleeping child through a mall for a couple of hours while they window shop for clothes for them selves

Ro ck on , m ums!

They get their nails done, vis it the hairdresser, lounge in the local library, take power naps during the day - they give a true meaning to the concept of ' me time'. To me, cl1 is attitude is revolu tionary, given my somewhat narrow percep tion of what a mum should be, that I harboured until not so long ago. A strange attitude indeed, as m y own mum had a near- perfect balance between us kids, a job and a hectic home and social life back in India.

So to all you mums out there, on this Mother's Day, enjoy the excess of affection that's bound to come yom way. But on cl1e next available date, take time out co catch up with yo ur friends, have a coffee together, go out to dinner, get a bottle of white at the pub down the road - and celeb rate yourself, the person you were and scill are, under cl1e 'mumm)" avamr.