T e GFC gat • er1ng

Many soci al breakfasts, lunche s and dinners have come and gone, li ke the mond1s and years Infants have started walking and three prime mini ste rs have ascended me A ustralian mrone. But certain copies of discussion never seem co change. So profound is the situation, that mese days my old eager a nticipation has been replaced witb a new predicable expectation at most of d1e earing orgies.

At social gatherings, other man the usual suspects grazi ng voracious ly on the calories, I usually foresee the customary " heated" topics to emerge. :tvfosc occasio n s like Diwali, Holi and Chrisanas not onl y bring forth me spirit of festivities enhanced by strong spirits, but also expected idiosyncratic behavior from Linexpec ted quarters.

The m ost popular to pic that bas gained imm ortality thanks to me American fat cats is the 'global financial crisis' or GFC, as me regulars cal1 it. Thi s theme has me commonality of an a.Hey cat at social gatherings, and to me, it is the 'inevitable' GFC forwn

The 'G' word is dropped at every single g ad1erj11g and I have already met a few local \Xi'arren Buffets heraldin g the advent of non- festivities at festive occasions. Strange as it sounds, I am often impressed because these n ew born \Varrens see m to know more about d1e glob al economic wead1er than th e original Buffet! Before th e economic meltdown, d1e only 'Buffet' I knew was culinary.

I have made a study of the essential foundations of thjg L10dying sub jec t.

To sea.ct with, every person has an expert opinion and after a coup le of tight serves of whiskey, some will even tab le solu ti o ns for d1e entire GFC. Pase facts and figures will emerge with the deepfried emrees, doom and gloom will be served with the elegant and heart- warming mains, and d1 e inevitab le final so lutions will be laid out together with a vast array of colourful caloric desserts.

Now l tend to first settle down wid1 a glass of whi te and let the warmt h bit me, brought on nor by global wa rming or the wine, bm by the discussio ns around me. Pretending interest, 1 pull m y chair cl oser co one of d1e m ore garrulous g r oups and find the usual suspects

Like :Mr. Doom, who will always be at the forefront.

"Eve r y person here is doomed finished ," he will lament, while Mr. Gloom sitting next to him will nod wise ly. The GFC always varies between two perennial groups at these occasions - d1e male and t he female (and I am so glad tl1at we don't have a third group). However, the objective and perspective of the discu ssions witl1in cl1ese two group s will be vasdy different.

The females will use this moment to crucify d1eir partners.

" / /jee, 1JJoh sab k11chh k,hokrJr baithe hai11 " (O h, he has lose everything )

"/lrryjaane do, pucho to kehte hhi nahi11 lwi11 ki kihu1 g'!)'Ua "

(Fo rget it! He won't even tell me how much he bas lost)

"J-lrJn Jee, 111ainqy to pehele se k11ha than kijrJane do_yc share Mir "

(Yes, I had forewarned him about these shares ) ext, comments will be mrown into the air by ]\fr. Optimist who will say, "Lakhon c/JrJ/eg~ye par kqJ·ee bnat 11rJbl'. (1 have lost millions, but it does not matter.)

The males on the otl1er hand will use this as a platform to firsdy, display a complete knowledge of world economics - past, present and future; secondly, duck away from the wives (ilieir own , of cours e); and finally, fantasize about assets (of d1e monetary kind, of cout:sel) that they wish they had.

Followed by Mr. Fantasizing Optimist, "Lakhon chafeg'!)'C par k(!JCf haal nahi. Karodo banaa lenge!" (I've lost millions but it does not matter - will make ten fold again!)

Mr. Buck Pa sser will comment, "PrJtaa nahi /gtm itne)' ghar le l!Je mai11e! 111.e,i missus ki vqjah sey e saora kaa111 bigadg((J1cl'. (I don't why I invested so much money in properties, it's entire ly my wife's fault!) followed by Mr. lncurable P essiJnist who will say, "Kahin ais,, na ho ki sub kucb khokar ah desb va:pmjoa11a pade".

Mr. Curable Pessimi st will air his view, "!ska ah kqJ1ee solfltio11 11ahi rnha. Aage kiptdhfyan iskoa d11khjhele1(~e''. (Now there is no solution, but future generations win pay for thjs.)

(I-lope we don't come to a state where we lose everytl1ing and need to go back to our country of origin).

Frankly, it often needs an incident or an accident to stop this flow of gibberis h. Like at d1e last dinner when cl1e hostess came rushing out of the kitchen sc reaming, "1vfy tenderloins are burnt!", which brought conversation to a n abrupt hale.

Some who understood that me beef tenderloins have been overcooked sympathized wim d1e hostess, but the ocl1er slower ones who had sp lit 'te nd erloins' imo two words, looked down in embarrassment and sympathized quiedy with me h ost.

But altl1ough these outbursts are meaningful in halting further comments about the GFC, they could scare up me n ex t expected channel of conversation - ei ther cricket or Anna Hazare A nd this scares me. Not the topics, bm the ensuing boredom. May be Bertrand Rus se ll was spot on when he said , "Boredom is a vital problem for cl1e moralise, si nce half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it."

Bue more on that torture lacer.