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Dear Auntyji

Coping with charisma Baby blues

i am an only child, and have been married for 18 months, and am about to have our first baby. i love my husband, but auntyji, each time he speaks about the baby he keeps saying that he will teach our child to play cricket and take him camping. now i am starting to wonder if i am simply a baby-making machine, and whether i will get any attention from my husband after the baby is born. tell me auntyji, why do i feel this way? Why do i feel jealous of my own baby? sometimes i get very angry and tell my husband that he does not love me any more and that i am simply a baby machine for him. of course he gets upset and he tells me that i am wrong, but i am worried that after the baby is born, no one will care about me anymore. can you please tell me how i can address this issue?

Auntyji says

Well, my little gulabo, i can see that being an only child has created a delicate situation for you. it seems that pregnancy and all the hormones rushing around has impaired your judgement. you know, your husband won’t love the baby more than he loves you. how could he – you are the mother of his soon-to-be baccha now here is what you should be thinking. finally, for the first time in your life, you are going to get someone who totally adores and dotes on you, and hangs on to your every word. finally, you will have a being in your life who sees you as the perfect human being. you will be adored, loved and cherished by this little person. so all your dreams should be coming true. What more could a self-centred person want more than someone else to worship the ground they walk on? so this is how you should be thinking of this turn of events. so if your baby adores you, and your husband loves you, surely you don’t need more attention than that, do you? revel in this attention, because the bubba will only see you as a goddess for the first 15 years of his or her life. after this, unless you are a real nice mummy, the baccha will be packing up and moving out as soon as he or she can. here is my advice to you: the baby is 50% you. so look at it this way. When your husband talks lovingly of the baby, you should feel glad. it’s practically the same as talking lovingly of you. Don’t feel jealous of your baby, otherwise you will end up being a churail of a maa a dayan and if you catch yourself thinking uncharitable thoughts about your own baby, you need to immediately make an effort to improve this. in fact, if you catch yourself feeling jealous of the baby, you should make an extra effort to be nice to your husband – as part of your redemption. this way, your husband will always be devoted to you.

Dear Auntyji

ok, i will say it like it is, because i know you appreciate honesty. i am bright and happen to have a lot of charisma, on account of being attractive. i get along with everyone, and everyone wants to be my friend. i get invited to parties all the time and apparently, i am very good company. But i am not a snob or a horrid person who talks about others – i like to think i am genuinely nice. on the occasions when i find myself thinking nasty thoughts, i catch myself and amend my thinking. every now and again, auntyji, i hear people make comments about me being shameless about promoting myself. for instance, i might discuss ideas in my class with the lecturer or i might talk to all my senior bosses. o thers who hear this might tell me that i am “brown-nosing” or that i am promoting myself. o f course, none of this is ever said seriously, and if people say it to my face, of course, we all laugh about it. But every now and again i wonder if people actually think that i am big-noting myself. i know for a fact that that is never my intention – i am genuinely a friendly and confident person. Do you think i should say something to my colleagues, or should i continue to just laugh at their comments and think nothing of it? i have not had any issues with my lecturers and bosses.

Auntyji says like mark twain, i too prefer honest arrogance over false humility, so if you are confident and friendly and attractive, then i would much rather you tell me this than pretend to be some kali kalooti who has the personality of a three day old samosa and the charisma of the neighbourhood mutt which has been tortured once too often by the bored rascals who live next door. so, here is what i hear you say. you are confident in the workplace and in school. you are bright and fairly confident. i t’s obvious that your colleagues are a little envious of you. Who wouldn’t be envious of an intelligent person blessed with good looks and charisma? so, the reason they say those things to your face is because they know you can take a joke – and i would continue to laugh at their comments while sending back a witty riposte. how lucky you are to be who you are! revel in the glory that is you, and enjoy each moment of your blessed existence, because tomorrow, you could be hit by a bus and lose it all in one go. so, give thanks for what you have, and be nice to your colleagues, they all want to be you, you lucky devil!