Fuel Frenzy

Female emergency situations are dauntingly different when you step into a predominantly male domain, UZMA BEG discovers on't know if it's a subcontinental thing or the case with women everywhere or just an Uzma thing bm d1ere are some things we gi rls can do and oiliers that just don't seem to come naturaUy Jvfen seem to be naruraUy wired to do certain things, ,v hil e wo m en do o thers to perfection. l o offence to any of d1e sexes but there seems to be a bit of "bis" and "hers" goi ng o n in daily life. The who le hunter/gatherer mumbo - jumbo makes a lot of • I sense sometimes.

I have a million and a half such " his" and " her'' moments in m y life which, if no dting else, provide some com ic relief later when d1e frustrating part is over!

Coming from a reasonab ly weUto -d o family in Pakistan, l had led a very sheltered life. \'v'hen I anived here 1 had never seen the face of a bill and wouldn't have known what to do if one hir me in the face I had never cooked or cleaned, never parked m y own car or filled fuel in it (what are drivers for?), never washed a dish or used a dishwasher I was a blissfully ignorant laundr y an d fuel- filling virgin!

The laundry pare sorted itself our soon after my arrival, bur despite my h usband teaching me how to, 1 had never tilled fuel in d1e car weU , nor until recentl y a n yway.

Ir was a regular morning, the usual mad dash to school, breaking my neck ro get my daughter there on time! I drove off in a frenzy, breadting only when I sropped ar the first traffic light. I looked down and saw d1e fuel gauge light blinking frantically ar m e. I looked again could it reaUy be? There was no fuel in die ca r? And then it aJ1 came rushing back ro me like a bad allergy - m y hubby bad said mat there was no fuel in the car me day before when we were driv ing around wi ili d1e fue l gauge light on all da y. He'd said he'd fiU it up, could he reaUy have forgoaen? A feeling of panic engulfed me and I had to find our whar was going on. I called him as soo n as I hit the second traffic light. I was so hysteri cal he d1ought I'd run someone over!

Complete hysreria took over when I found out diat he'd actually forgotten to put fuel in the car the night before. My daughter's school is about a 30-minute drive from m y house, I wasn't even halfway to there and we'd alread y been dri ving around on an empty tank for a whole day - which meant there was probabl y nothing .left in ilie reserve tank either!

I drove the en tire way s itting at die edge of m y sear waiting for me car to stop at any m inute. Throughout me 1niserab le journey 1 kept trying to figure our m y " plan B" in case me car stopped. There was n 't a minute to spare; I was alread y going to bear the school beU b y the skin of my teeth and there was no way 1 could cake a diversio n to get fuel. "Get fueL..oh Lord, who's going to get fuel fo r me ?!" was aJ1 I kept thinking as I flew us to schoo l. I managed to get my daughter there o n time and made another hysterical "How could you do th is to me" call ro my husband.

I arrived ar the fuel pump looking like a ghost! Hell, i n Pakistan even d1e men don 't fiU up their own cars, d1e fue l pump atte n dants do! I remembered my hubby mentioning in pass ing once that our car takes diesel only - so l went to the pump thar had diesel. I stopped the car and stumbled out clumsily, feeling completel y out o f place and very conscious mar normal peop le might be staring at me.

I went around to where me nozzle is and realized that I had parked too far ahead of the pump, and me nozz le wouldn't stretcl1 to the car. So I unlocked the car, gor back into it and reve r sed. Got out to find I had reversed too much and the nozzle still wouldn't reach he car! So back in I went and drove it forward ju st a wee b i t. l gor our a third time and discovered m y hard work had paid off. My car was finally in pla ce!

I tried to yank the nozzle om o f the pump but ir seemed robe stuck, so I yan.1,ed and ya nked till ir finaJ.ly came free. \X/ith t he nozzle in one hand I tried to open the fuel tank inlet, b ut it had no lever wid1 whi ch ro pull it open. l pus hed it, tapped ir, even tried knocki ng ro see i f it would r espond but nodling! I d1en proceeded ro return the n ozzle co the pump and went back into the car to investigate how to open the fuel rank! l felt around for a good 15 1ninu tes! ! looked under the steering wheel, around d1e gear b ox, near d1e drivers seat, w1der the driver's seat, on the s teering whee l, near the dashboard, but for the life of me I couldn't find anyth ing that would open d1e fuel t,'lnk. l opened a few othe r things in d1e process, but definitely not the fuel tank. l was actually at my wits' end when I spotted a small lever o n the car door I pulled it in desperation and heard a popping sound! I rushed outside and ro m y utter joy, I saw the little fuel tank window open! I quickly locked d1e car for me fourth ti.me and went back to my business

The n ozzle seemed ro be stuck again because I yanked for ages bur it wou.ldn't come our o f the pump. l finally d1ought that it had been " locked" by the "fuel pump people" so I went inside ro as k why mey bad locked the pump's nozzl e and how o n earth was I s upposed to fill diese l in my car witho u t a nozz le? A very pretty faclian .looking lady informed me mat she didn't know what rh e hell l was talking about! I ran back to d1e car in frustration and yanked again and again and again and after what seemed like the huncl.redtl1 yank, the nozzle finaU y dislodged and fue l sprouted o ut of i r, flying aJ1 over m y car, m yself amd bas icaUy everywhere bur inside the fuel tank. I felr like M r. Bean!

Once 1'd got the nozzle in me rank l fi.Ued away very confused as to how much I needed to fill and how I wou ld know when ro stop, all the while cursing my poor hubby for purring me in t his ridiculous situation.

\"Xlhen i t was all over I asked d1e guy be h ind me ,vh~) was tearing his eyes om in frustration to take a photograph of me so that I could capn1re m y triumph to prove to aU and sundry d1at "I did it"! I think mat might have been me o nl y time

I smi led in the enti re hour chat J was mere for tl1e photo. I may have e nd ed up with permanent frown lines from this gruelling process ! I hope no o ne lit a march around that area after I left because there was a lot of fuel everywhe re, not to mention m yself as f arrived home a n hour later, stinking of cliesel. l found a parking spot right outside my house an d bumped right inro m y neighbour's car. \Xfhen I heard the thud I pulled out of rhar spot and parked somewhere else. Shaking and sic k of my adventure s l checked m y neighbour's car to make sure 1 hadn't damaged it relief swept over me w hen I saw iliac it was fine!

I rang the doorbell co my house and almost exploded when m y husband s aid, "Where have you been and why did you cake so long?"

My respon se to th at is too d eli cate for the eyes of our refi n ed readers!