Happily ever after

Happiness can mean different things to different people

BY SHERYL DIXIT

“…and they married and lived happily ever after!” I concluded, relaxing in the thought that storytime was over and that I could finally escape to the glass of chilled Moscato that was patiently waiting for me on the kitchen counter.

“So they never fought again, ever again?” asked my five year old, whom I had presumed asleep. “Well, Cinderella and the prince never did fight in the first place,” I said, wondering what childish logic had prompted the thought. “But if they married, they would fight, so they couldn’t live happily ever after,” he reasoned, half to himself and promptly fell asleep. I was glad because after a hectic day I wasn’t ready to reason with the child, and I had a vague foreboding that he had been privy to one of his parents’ ‘discussions’, which, by mutual consent, we try to avoid when our kids are around.

The episode prompted the thought: what exactly is happily ever after? I don’t know of a single person who can claim to experience that happy state of existence all the time. Life as we know it is full of ups and downs in equal measure with one or the other sometimes tipping the balance. Frankly, I am of that strange frame of mind that if everything goes right in my day, by noon I’m waiting for something to go wrong. And it inevitably does, ranging from a mildly inconveniencing incident like spending half an hour trying to figure out where I’ve parked, to a minor bombshell of having to rush a sick, but energetic child to the doctor, chemist and finally, reluctantly to bed. And the prospect of having to play nursemaid and having to referee wrestling bouts between siblings over the next few days certainly doesn’t give my enthusiasm a boost.

But we do try. One of my favourite poems ends with, “Strive to be happy!” and as humans I guess that’s the best advice we could give ourselves. The most ‘forwarded’ emails I receive are messages on life, how to be a good person, how to be kind, considerate, religious, tolerant…but most of all, happy. And happiness can come in many forms, from hearing the laughter of a child, seeing a loved one, or even watching someone you don’t like slipping and ending up butt-first into a muddy puddle. Sometimes when I receive one of these ‘lifestyle’ emails, I wonder what makes people take time out to state the obvious through an elaborate powerpoint presentation. But there are times when simply sitting down to work can be a chore, and they are invaluable in bucking me up and getting me started.

Some people think happiness is a state of mind, and they try very hard to be happy. But this, methinks, makes them define happiness, and in the process of striving, they find happiness in the most trivial of things that some of us would find unfunny or even downright idiotic. Like being on time to catch the train to work or getting one up on Mafia Wars. They have an indefatigable sense of self-regard, and are always anxious to justify their happiness to us lesser mortals who are unable to conceal our superciliousness at their seeming absurdity. These are the kind of people who take internet quizzes that assure them that they are intelligent, well-adjusted and happy individuals. And of course, post their scores to friends to better!

Some people strive to be unhappy. These are the kinds (and I am surprised at how many exist) who find life and all its tasks burdensome. In a day they find everything to complain about. If it’s a sunny day, they’ll find that it’s just too hot; if it turns cooler, its sooo cold! If they get a raise, they worry that with it will come a lot more work and expectation. They gripe about their health, jobs, children, families and end up being so completely self-centred, that it’s almost impossible to hold a positive, indeed any conversation with them! With complain comes worry, with worry comes stress and they end up spending a good deal of their lives being tired, miserable, discontent …and yet, in some strange way, they are perfectly content with being the way they are.

Fortunately, most people I know fall into the happy middle average. Their lives are a moderation of the good and the bad, and more often than not, it’s their sense of humour that redeems them. A situation may stink, but when they unburden themselves by recounting it, they suddenly find it mind-bogglingly funny. These people also have the wondrous ability to laugh at themselves, a phenomenon I have encountered most here in Australia, where ‘Aussie humour’ is considered a national treasure.

It’s impossible to quantify the cause of happiness, because a pair of shoes could thrill one person as much as walking barefoot could please another. An iPhone could bring a techno-nerd unlimited joy and a less savoury phone bill, but his friend could experience incredible pleasure simply by browsing through old albums. Now among other things, I associate humour and natural beauty with happiness. Anything that makes me laugh brings about an instant change of mood, no matter how irritated or miserable I feel. I only wish that when I experience ‘down’ moments, I could instantly find something spontaneously funny to help change my pessimism. And as for natural beauty, spring is my favourite season because when I see flower-lined boulevards or once-bare trees bursting into verdant green, something in my soul sings and I feel an instant uplifting of spirit. Sometimes it’s just people, like the lovely little boy next door whose cherubic face and sky-blue eyes always make me smile. Or my two boys walking hand-in-hand in a rare moment of solidarity.

I guess, like most things in life, moderation is the key. I’m very happy for those terribly optimistic people who find life beautiful all the time, good luck to them. I’m also happy for those miserables who enjoy the feeling that life’s so hard, because after all, they’re enjoying it and can counter any optimism with a double dose of pessimism.

But my favourite kind of people are the ones who take life in their stride and not too seriously. They possess a good deal of inner strength which helps them to be practical, and they weather each storm knowing that either sooner, later or eventually, the sun will shine through the clouds. They don’t consciously ‘seek’ happiness through religion, lifestyle changes or through unoriginal gems that fall from the lips of popular godmen…. they experience moments of happiness wherever they are, and they find it whenever they need it.

Jyotish Samarat

Swami Sukarnath

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