Do it for Dad!

It’s post-bath, pre-bedtime at home, and my sons and I are sitting together in their bedroom reading a book as we wind down for the night. Just a few more minutes for their prayers and story, I think, and I’ll be free to put my feet up after another rushed day….

A frisson of fear and delight runs through their little frames and they look at the door in thrilled anticipation. Instinctively they move together, crouching behind the bed and whispering to each other, “Quiet, quiet, don’t make a noise!” The knock sounds again, this time louder and more determined. They’re taut, poised and ready. The door opens and their dad bursts in. Their screams of delight momentarily deafen me, as they yell, “Kissing dinosaur’s here, kissing dinosaur’s here!” and in contradiction, fling themselves on him. Right, dad’s here, I say with a sigh, aware that my practical routine has fled out of the door as soon as it opened. The next fifteen minutes are a riotous exuberance of noise as they all scream, wrestle, roll on the floor, shout, jump and giggle through their greetings. The next twenty minutes are a medley of playing silly games, discussing school and pre-school activities and exchanging what seem to be important bits of information, like who got on the ‘sad face’ at school and why.

make sure they know exactly how special. From the little baby girl confidently swooping down the slide into the arms of her dad, to the embarrassed teenager accepting

I don’t find anything particularly funny in my son running around buck nude with his underwear on his head, but my husband finds it hilarious with his underwear on his head, but my husband finds it hilarious. I’m not impressed by the sound and aroma of my little boys’ propensity to pass wind, but their dad looks amazed a second before he collapses with mirth. I’m concerned when one of my boys falls off his bike or is attacked by a persistent magpie, but my husband? Yes, he’s the guy who looks like he needs to go to the bathroom urgently, but really, it’s only his face contorting as he tries to figure out if the situation’s amusing or irritating.

Perhaps it’s our eccentric family, but most of the boys’ antics seem side-splittingly funny when their dad is around. Even I seem to relocate my sense of humour, and tend to see the funny side of splashes through mud, torn clothes, children stuck up trees, grazed knees and mispronounced words. And somehow, when their dad is around, the boys seem to be more independent and selfreliant than they ever are through the day with me.

“I’m so tired, please get me a glass of water,” is a command that I reluctantly obey, telling myself to empathise with my five-year-old’s stressful day at kindergarten. But his dad’s retort is, “Get it yourself!” and the little blighter will sigh dramatically and get off his butt to fetch the water himself.

I must admit to a dash of envy at this masterful attitude which absolutely doesn’t work when I try it. Threats, corruption and finally bribery are the things that work with me, and I wonder yet again at this masculine undercurrent of understanding that is way more effective than all my seemingly ridiculous attempts at letting them know who’s boss.

The easiest thing, when dealing with the upheaval of our nightly routine, would be to cut out the exuberance with reminders of bedtime and school the next morning. However, the nature of my husband’s job demands that he work late hours and the boys are lucky if they see him before their bedtime even three days a week. And that’s why I keep reminding myself that the routine doesn’t really matter, as long as they’re spending time together and enjoying themselves. Working late isn’t uncommon in this day and age, when dads have to be much more than 9-to-5 family men; they have to carry around their dreaded Blackberrys and constantly keep in communicado with their workmates, clients, bosses…whoever! At least we’re fortunate, especially when I think of other dads who work shifts or away from home during the week, all the while missing their families and with just occasional weekends to share in all the little joys that only our children can give us.

For dads, a hectic and demanding work schedule during the week also means personal sacrifices which, while not as important as being with one’s children, are forsaken because they simply don’t have the time. For instance, they can’t fit in an exercise schedule into their busy lives, they don’t have the time to indulge in a hobby and probably the one thing that helps them relax is sitting in front of the TV with a drink, preferably alcoholic. But while this lifestyle seems to be an evil born out of necessity, as one gets older it takes its toll and eventually, it’s the family that is the main victim. Some dads I know are content to watch their kids play sport from the sidelines, simply because they don’t have the energy to actively participate. Others find themselves increasingly short-tempered, irritable and critical, particularly at the antics of their teenage children. And this is despite their youthful lifestyle having been way more riotous than their kids could even ever imagine!

For dads, it’s a Catch-22 situation. Excelling at their jobs helps build a career, personal confidence and also helps provide material comforts for the family. But in the bargain, they lose out on spending consistent quality time with their kids. In today’s world it’s rare to find that perfect work-family balance, but there’s no doubt that they do try their best.

So pardon me for nagging, but slow down, dads, and take time out for yourselves and your kids. Keep in good health, eat well, imbibe alcohol in moderation and if you smoke, kick the habit – unless you’d like your kids to emulate you in this worthless and expensive activity! Kick around a ball with them, or simply challenge them to a game on the Wii. Join them when walking the dog. Call them for a chat, even if it’s to subtly probe about a new girlfriend or talk to your grandkids. As a dad, it’s your prerogative to be a part of their life and I firmly believe that these encounters will make lasting memories. There’s nothing quite as reassuring as those moments spent together as a family, and if your children can recount happy times with you to their kids, well, you can be sure they’ll make as great a parent as you.

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